im in a 3 yr relationship, i just found out last week I am pregnant (11 weeks) he wants me to get an abortion, I am against it only would consider it if I was raped. He told me last night that: "its not fair to the child to bring him/her into the world with only 1 parent... he is askin that i dont take the trust & loyalty away from us and him (i havent lied once, i've only been 100% honest)... he feels like the woman he loves is trampling over him && squashing him like a bug... that I have ALL the power & that I am going to crush him... && that he would never hurt me like this." Now I told him I am being responsible for my actions in having unprotected sex and getting pregnant, and I am going to raise this baby to let him/her have the best life they possibly can. He told me I was being selfish & that we are not ready for a baby. I am 23 & he is 26. I am in school, my last year of college. But things happen. basically I made my decision already I just need advice from stangers!! Thanks!
2007-10-09 10:51:41 · 27 answers · asked by ladyjlove03 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Honey I wish I could just hug you! You are doing the right thing. I too was pregnant at 24 and in my last year of college. My boyfriend was a college grad and had an awesome job in the city. I called to tell him I was pregnant and he told me "Well I don't know what you are going to do...it's not mine". After weeks of crying and fighting about not getting an abortion he finally came to terms. I too heard that he wouldn't be more than a paycheck and that he isn't going to be a statistic. He never once went to a dr appt and he never saw an ultrasound. Lucky for me I was level headed enough to surround myself w/ people who were unbiased and didn't pass judgement. Just be realistic. Don't pressure him and allow his feelings to be heard. He is just as scared and needs to vent too. Long story short...we were rocky the whole way through the pregnancy, he did come to the hospital and watched her birth...from that moment on he has never wanted anything more than to be a father to that little girl. We eventually married and w/in months divorced. BUT...he loves his daughter and now he sees her every two weeks! She may not have two parents that are together so to speak, but she has two parents who love her and that is more important! I do really know what you are going through and I am in tears just writing this to you and remembering the trauma of the whole thing and please please please...stick by your instinct and stress to all your family and friends the importance of their support for BOTH of you even though your feelings are so different. And I honestly would be more than willing to communicate with you via email if you just need a complete stranger to vent to because I know that it is very hard to tell parents and siblings etc because you don't want them to be upset with him! Best Wishes...bless you and your little bundle!
2007-10-13 10:44:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
*sigh* what a difficult situation to be put in.
Your partner [in an ideal world] would be more supportive and understanding that this was a JOINT process and something to work out TOGETHER [as you both produced this child]
I personally do not believe in abortions, and it doesn't sound like you'd be comfortable having one.
As for being fit to raise the child; only you can decide that. I am in my young 20's [I am married however], was about to re-enter postsecondary education. I understand the problems you're considering. Not only is your work and schooling going to change if you kept the child, but your social life and finances.
Basically, I cannot tell you whether or not to keep the child. But I think the choices have been limited to giving birth to the child and keeping it, or giving birth to the child and giving it to an adoptive family. Either choice is brave, loving, and intelligent, provided it is the right decision FOR YOU.
I hope you can find support during this tough time.
While making the ultimate decision, look into all the details- price out diapers [whether cloth or disposable], consider whether you'd breast feed [or price out formula], price out baby furniture [consider secondhand]. Also look into open and closed adoptions [and the details involved] and some couselling for either decision.
As your partner is NOT being supportive, turn towards someone else for an ear to listen to you- friends, family, or a counseller.
In the meantime, take pre-natal vitamins, and eat as well as you can afford.
Good luck
2007-10-09 11:01:56 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs.F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds typical to me. Young men freak out and very often say things they do not mean.
It hurts to admit, but I had the same reaction from my husband. We are both 23, still in college. He was afraid to face his family and pushed me to get an abortion.
I refused and let him go instead. I did not follow him, call him, or talk to him, just moved on with my life. I knew he is a good person and did not doubt it for a second, and treated his words as abnormality. A week later I had a marriage proposal.
One day he said that he is grateful I did not listen to him. People respect him much more for stepping up and becoming a man. Now he seems to be more excited about the baby than I am.
It all depends on a person. If your boyfriend is a good person inside and he freaked out, forgive him. He will come around and do what he is supposed to do. Just give him time.
If he is a bad person, then you do not want him around you anyway, but I doubt that you would be in a three-year relationship with a bad person.
Good luck to you.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. It is a beautiful thing, puts your life into perspective.
2007-10-09 11:28:07 · answer #3 · answered by sweetundina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl My Baby daddy wanted the same thing and guess what ? I'm am 38 weeks now w/ a healthy little girl. Him and I are not together he has a new girlfriend but,I was hurt at first but as the months went by I grew stronger . I realized that I am able to do this on my own. This is your last year of school which you should be able to get though most of it, just stay strong and focused it will get a whole lot better.
2007-10-09 12:50:46 · answer #4 · answered by mssweetjada 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, good for you for standing up and taking responsibility! I know 3 years is alot of time to throw down the drain but it turns out this guy really doesn't deserve you and you need to ditch his sorry azz! It is so pathetic that he cant man up and that he is trying so hard to guilt you into an abortion. you dont need to worry about him or how he feels, just worry bout your baby girl and do what you gotta do! tell him you are having the baby whether he likes it or not and if he never comes around it will only be his loss. in the end, it is your decision, not his!
2007-10-09 11:02:31 · answer #5 · answered by blondie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My BF of 1.5 years said the same thing...He's not ready, it'll change HIS life, and our relationship, he doesn't want more kids....(He has 2 from a previous marriage.) I was almost convinced, too. But know what? It's my body and also it's MY BABY! I'm having this baby, and my BF knows he's got three choices : terminate his parental rights, pay child support, or be a full time parent. GOOD FOR YOU for taking responsibility, that's what I'm doing too. Yes, it's going to be hard, but it's the consequences of our actions, and we're going to have to live with it- good or bad. WAY TO GO!
2007-10-10 12:13:04 · answer #6 · answered by Heidi B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd go for the juggular! Make him pay. He was there for you when he created this child, he should be there to raise it too. He is financially responsible for this child.
I would say, however; he hasn't had much time to absorb this. Give him some time and maybe he will change his mind. This is your body and your decision. Do NOT let him change your mind. You must do what is right for you. Regardless if he stays or not. This issue should be a big red flag for you and the future of your relationship. Listen to yourself.
2007-10-09 11:02:52 · answer #7 · answered by Proud Mama of 4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well then he is old enough to understand the possible consequences of having unprotected sex. Tell him if he doesn't want to be a father he can exit the relationship now, but you are having the kid. Take him to your doctors appointments when they do the ultrasounds he will soon be on board, but for right now he might just be a little scared. Good luck to you.
2007-10-09 10:57:27 · answer #8 · answered by bluefroggy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, 3 years in that relationship and your bf is acting like that? its not like u randomly just hooked up with someone. Please don't have an abortion, your completely right with wanting to take responsibility of having the baby. If you ended up having an abortion because of him you would end up regretting it and hating him for it, which would ruin your relationship anyways. I would get rid of him, i mean he might just be scared, and when he sees the baby it might be different, but i think its so wrong what he is doing to you and his own flesh and blood--the baby. Good luck, people do it on their own all the time, theres always child support, but he might come around.
2007-10-09 10:57:10 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Kristen♥ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
honestly it sound like he is the one who has not been honest! If he didn't want kids he should have told you when the relationship started to get serious. but now you are pregnant and he doesn't want the baby. he may be looking for a way out with out being the "bad guy". i really wish you luck and i hope he comes to see what a special thing he could have!
2007-10-09 10:58:20 · answer #10 · answered by dixiedarlin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋