We have been married 4 years and I'm currently staying w/ his family untill our house gets built. Living w/ his mom is so stressful. She's a pig, she leaves her plates and trash everywhere. She is loud in public. We recently got into a argument about the fridge door being left open by me. I told her I didn't want to talk about it. She went off and slammed the doors. How can our relationship work out ?
2007-10-09 10:17:04 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell that ***** to **** off.
2007-10-09 10:20:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think your primary goal while you are living in the same house as your MIL is to not destroy the relationship you have with your MIL. Please remember that this situation is only temporary, but your relationship with her and more importantly her relationship with your husband will never go away. So while it may seem horrible to deal with the plates and mess that she leaves (in her house), remember that it will be much harder to deal with the negative relationship when you have children and other issues that involve your family and you have that opinion coming from your MIL.
So if she does some things that bother you, then try to suck it up for the time being, because in the long run how does her lifestyle in her own house really affect you? If you left the refrigerator open then you should have simply apologized and gone back and told her it wouldn't happen again.
If nothing else just try to remember that you are the house guest and that your relationship with your MIL is not something you want to damage beyond repair. Living with other people is a hard thing, she is equally frustrated with you and the "crazy" things you do in her house. The key is to try to keep it civil and get your new house built as quickly as possible.
2007-10-09 17:21:20 · answer #2 · answered by J in SC 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
i am quoting a wise person here, and the quote is "develop an attitude of gratutude". that is, focus on the huge favor of staying with her, and all the nice things about her, not the other things, and pick up if it bothers you. smile and be cheerful and grateful. tell her you appreciate her and the help with your home plans. take her out to lunch.
THAT,, is how your relationship can work out. every family has different ways of doing things. wise people do not harshly judge someone who is doing them a favor, for every shrill and loud word she says, i am telling you, the razor sharp nastiness of your words is worse. i think you are a particularily cruel person to talk this way about this mother in law. i hope no one who comes into your family when you are older and perhaps not as perfect is as mean to you, but who knows what the future will bring.
far from your mother in law 'embarrassing everyone' i truthfully am embarrassed FOR YOU that you have taken this attitude with someone you could show a little more respect to.
think about it. dont shoot the messenger.
2007-10-09 17:28:07 · answer #3 · answered by jaded 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is her house and you chose to stay with her until your house is built knowing that she's like this. It is nice of her to let you stay at her place. To show gratitude just clean for her and as for the fridge door thing, well you should of talked about it with her instead of brushing it off. When it comes to in-laws sometimes we just have to shut up and deal with it. Maybe take her out to dinner to show that you want to try and have a good relationship with her and maybe take her shopping or something. Good luck.
2007-10-09 17:23:28 · answer #4 · answered by Perkymo 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You can't change her behavior, but you can change yours. Sit her down and talk to her. Apologize about the refrigerator door again, and let her know that you intend to have better communication with her in the future. If she refuses any of your overtures, leave her alone, and just make sure you clean up after yourself and your family until you can leave to move into your house. Good luck.
2007-10-09 17:28:57 · answer #5 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You could just try and accept her as she chooses to be - OR, you could look down your nose at her and be at each others throats forever.
IT IS HER HOUSE - you have no right saying anything about what she does in her own house - and yes, you DO have to obey HER rules in HER house. It has never been OK to leave the fridge door open - what did you think you had to argue about??
2007-10-09 17:24:42 · answer #6 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Be thankful she's not YOUR mother! But remember this: whether or not you like or even approve of her, you're still a guest in her home. She is therefore going to be allowed in her mind to do anything she cares to...in her home and in her life. The things that will make this work are tolerance on your part, being embarrassed for her and not by her (hard as this may seem) and being patient, not combative. Pick and choose your battles. And it's going to be work on your part, but please remember that she is HIS MOTHER and he will appreciate your being tolerant and doing your part to help reduce any stress and tension during this time.
2007-10-09 17:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by MWestbrook 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
While you are in her house you had better keep quiet and act polite. Maybe this wasn't her idea in the first place. Your husband should be the one to keep her in check but it is her house and she can behave how she likes in it. Think you have different standards. In your own house you can be the one to set the boundaries.
2007-10-09 17:41:24 · answer #8 · answered by curiouscanadian 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground, be firm with her, but don't be vulgar! I had something similar with my MOTHER IN LAW! She doesn't eat all the time, she just CANNOT clean house and I did the 7 months we lived with her.
Always in our personal business! Its a nightmare. Just find common ground and leave it at that! Its going to be hard, but tell her what you except and find out what she excepts of you guys!
2007-10-09 17:24:50 · answer #9 · answered by PSYCHO DAISY MAE 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
then leave! you knew what you were getting into....you are in her house, that was very disrespectful of you to tell her you didn't want to talk about the refrigerator door being left open. so she's loud in public...that's her business. she has every right to slam door in HER house.
notmygal said it perfect...SUCK IT UP PRINCESS.
2007-10-09 17:30:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
i would first talk to your husband about how you feel and then sit down and talk to her about it....either way, no matter what you choose to do, showing her respect will help the two of you's relationship. after all, she IS your MIL....and you're under her roof until the house is ready....good luck!
2007-10-09 17:33:56 · answer #11 · answered by amyhwoods 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋