I and my husband have not been getting along lately and I’ve been thinking about divorce or separation. Now that he is getting deployed he doesn’t want me to stay with my parents. You think he is being selfish? He wants me to go live with my in-laws because I don’t have to pay rent, food or utilities. His family owns a company and they are financially wealthy and live in Maryland. He had been deployed to Korea for a year in 2005 and I stayed with his family, now I want to stay with mines. My family is soon moving back to Texas and I want to stay with them. My husband said that if I left to live with my parents that he would take the car away, and will not support me financially. I don’t care because I can support my self. Only thing I would file for is child support. 600 dollars a month is not bad, right?
2007-10-09 10:14:39 · 17 answers · asked by anonimo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes.
He is not only being selfish, but vindictive. If he is treating you like that he neither cares about you, nor will do right by you later.
Cut and run now, while you are in control of the situation.
Don't let his parent's money tempt you into staying with this goof.
2007-10-09 10:18:26 · answer #1 · answered by Jesse R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are going through a very tough situation, especially with your husband being away for so long. Long distance can be very stressful for relationships.
Divorce is a big step, so consider the reasons for the divorce before going ahead with them. Do you still love your husband? Does he love you? How will this affect your child? There may be valid reasons for divorce, but make sure you are very certain before you go ahead with this final step.
It also sounds like he doesn't want you to be influenced by your family as much as his own. He may be feeling out of control, not being able to see you and your child for such a long time, that having you stay with his parents would make me feel connected to you both via his parents. Also, if you stay with your parents, he will probably feel jealous (not that you shouldn't stay with your family). Jealousy is normal. You know, he'll think that they get to see you and he won't. And they get to see your child and he won't. He'd probably much prefer his family reaping in that closeness.
I hope that whatever you decide you do it thinking in the best interests of you, your husband, and your child. It wasn't right for him to threaten the car removal, I would agree. Maybe he did this because he has no other control, and this is the only way he can express his dissent.
Best of luck for all of you =)
2007-10-09 10:37:34 · answer #2 · answered by shoshana 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is being selfish and a dictator. I would not give in to him. Is he always this controlling? Thinking about divorce might be a good idea. He is trying to force you to do as he wants. He does not care what you want. He cannot take your car away. Need to know how many kids you have to know if 600 is good enough.
2007-10-09 16:11:32 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dont get to pick how much his child support payments will be, it will be based on a percentage of his pay. Since military pay isn't much, I doubt you'll get that much for one child.
As for selfish, personally I think you both are being selfish but thats just a result of your first sentence (thinking about divorce or separation). Marriage is a committed union, you make decisions together, not for one another.
Do what you believe is best for you and your children's future, only time will tell whether or not it was the most beneficial decision but your mind and heart will tell you what the right decision is from the start.
2007-10-09 10:20:18 · answer #4 · answered by Phil M 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well i dont wanna tell you how you should decide on what to do with your marriage, but i do think he is being a little selfish. maybe he feels that while your living with his parents theres no chance of you finding someone else while hes gone cuz ur with his parents. i dont know but it is selfish and so what if u live for free there sometime u just need to be with your own family for a bit. definitely talk to him about it but dont consider divorce right now, just see how things turn out first and see if u can get thru to him
2007-10-09 10:20:14 · answer #5 · answered by Manrae 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, he's being VERY selfish! What are his real motives behind him wanting to have you stay with his parents? Does he think of your parents? I can understand his needs for you to be cared for while he's gone, but YOUR family would be the best choice as least in my eyes!! If you have stayed with them once, why can't you stay at your parents house!? I was a military spouse!
2007-10-09 10:21:44 · answer #6 · answered by PSYCHO DAISY MAE 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow! Your husband is being VERY SELFISH!! You stayed with his family when he was deployed to Korea in 2005.... I think it is only fair that you go be with your family now....Sounds like a control freak to me....You may be wise to divorce this man.
2007-10-09 10:19:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like he wants to control your every move, and that his parents were probably "keeping an eye on you" for him.
That would make me wonder what HE was doing while away to be so paranoid about ME.
As for the car, you can always take that back in court.
After all, you'll need that to cart HIS kid around.
2007-10-09 10:25:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
well sounds like your husband is like a typical macho man (he must be mexican) well think about it talk to him and try to work things out for your kids if there is no reasoning then just go with your parents anyways he most likely won't do what he threatens my husband is the same he says he is gonna do this and that but when it comes to he calms down . good luck
2007-10-09 10:38:38 · answer #9 · answered by jessica1210 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't find his behavior selfish; rather, I find it to be controlling. You are an adult--if you choose to live with your own family for a while then you should do so.
How is he going to take the car away when he won't be there, hm? Even if he did, then you could go buy your own.
2007-10-09 10:20:20 · answer #10 · answered by Mathsorcerer 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋