How should I respond to a concern about my 7-week old niece's welfare?

Question

Ever since my niece was born, my sister-in-law has been severely overprotective, which is common of all first-timers I know, but she has admitted to me that she is very unhappy, stressed and depressed about everything lately. This concerns me because I have seen some things that I don't really think are good for my niece. My SIL w
ants to keep her baby on her own schedule (awake) most of the day and that should, in her eyes, make her understand night from day, and I know that it's still a bit too early. She skips her night feedings and is obsessed with a strict 3-4 hour "no less"" feeding schedule of 4 ounces of formula. If it's 9:30 and the baby starts to show late signs of hunger, she'll let her cry till 10. She says her baby must work up her appetite. She slept one day from 8:30 PM to 5:45 AM without waking up, and no food. She's almost 2 months, but this keeping her up and expecting her to eat around my SIL's schedule so my SIL can sleep is outright dangerous this soon. Advice?

You all have suggested the very things that the 1000-character limit would not allow me to post at one time. I have tried, my mom has tried, her mom has tried, and the OB-GYN told her if she needed anything to call him. Just yesterday we went to the doctor, and on the way there, she told me she was going to talk about it to him, how she was so stressed. Her husband, my brother, told her he didn't know she felt THAT bad, when she told him her feelings were all out of sorts. I offer to babysit, my mom and dad offered, and she never takes up on it. She hovers over us as if we're going to possibly let her baby sleep. She gripes when her baby falls asleep in her carseat, but I thought that's what babies did, with the soft rolling motions of the car and the constant hum of the road noise, and guess what people? She even sits her daughter outside in a baby pool with tap water in it, at normally tepid, room temp. She sits in it with her, but still! Just to keep her up?

Oh I forgot to add, even though my SIL said she'd talk to her GYN, she didn't. She invited me into the dr's office so I could "watch" her baby, but all her baby did was sleep out of exhaustion. She got a bottle ready in case she woke up, and she usually doesn't do this. I think she did it just because she was in front of her doctor, otherwise, whe lets her cry, sometimes she says for 2 hours. I know, 2 hours! She tells everyone but the offending person that "X is driving me nuts." But she doesn't talk directly to that person about why she doesn't feel like receiving advice. My mom gently told her that it's ok to need to get on meds, since she's not breastfeeding any more. Her baby weighed 8 lbs. 2 oz. when she was born 7 wks ago, and she's just over 10. Is this ok? When she is laid on her back, you can't see her ribs poking out, but you can feel them, and she doesn't have that rolly polly gut like most babies her age have. She is happy when other people hold her. She can feel it.

Answer 1

It is an understatement to say that your sister-in-law has unrealistic expectations. She may have serious psychiatric issues. Is she overly compulsive with other issues, too?You and your mother should have a serious talk with your brother. If his wife needs psychiatric intervention, get it now.

From what you describe I am not sure your local children's protective agency would intervene, but you could contact them for advice.

Answer 2

You need to intervene, if neccesasry by talking to her peditratician and having the doctor explain how the baby needs to eat.

She should be feeidng baby as much as baby will eat, as often as baby wants.

Also, if i were you, I'd offer to babysit as much as possible. If mom is truly that stresssed and rigid with her child, the baby could benefit from some loving attention from you, and maybe mom will relax alittle and learn to make adjustments.

Answer 3

http://www.rxmed.com/b.main/b1.illness/b1.1.illnesses/FAILURE%20TO%20THRIVE.htm
Medical Term:
FAILURE TO THRIVE

Causes: About 70% are due to environmental causes - improper or inadequate feeding.

This is very important because failure to thrive in the first year of life may affect brain development ,and these children may never catch up developmentally and socially with their peers, even though their physical growth may improve.


Risk Factors
Malnutrition.

Parental inexperience.
A negative emotional environment (neglect, abuse or rejection). Parents who were raised in a negative emotional environment or are poorly educated.



Possible Complications :
Permanent mental, emotional or physical disability.
Child remains small and developmentally slow.
If proper care is not provided in the home, foster care may be necessary.

Answer 4

THATS NOT RIGHT,,,SHE'S GONNA STARVE HER BABY,,,IT DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND WHEN SHE WANTS HER BABY TO EAT THAT BABY IS GONNA HAVE HER OWN SCHEDULE UNTIL SHE'S OLDER,,,AND BABYS THAT AGE ARE SUPPOSED TO EAT EVERY 21/2 TO 3 HOURS,,,THATS IGNORANT THAT SHE LETS HER BABY GO ON OVERNIGHT WITH OUT FOOD,,,YOU SHOULD CALL CPS ON HER,,,THAT BABY DON'T DESERVE THAT,,,THE DOCTORS ARE GONNA NOTICE THAT SHE'S NEGLECTING HER CHILD AND SHES GONNA GET IN TROUBLE FOR THAT. HER BABY CRY ALOT DOESN'T IT??? YEA I BET IT DOES THATS WHAT BABYS DO WHEN THERE HUNGRY,,,YOU NEED TO SLAP SOME SENSE INTO HER,,,SORRY IF I SOUNDED MEAN BUT THATS NOT RIGHT AND THE WAYS SHES TREATING THAT BABY COULD PUT HER LIFE IN DANGER,,,LOOK UP ONLINE AND SHOW HER SOMETHINGS THAT WOULD TELL HER HOW SHES SUPPOSED TO CARE FOR HER BABY IF THAT DOESN'T WORK GIRL PRAY FOR A MIRACLE BECAUSE SHES GONNA RAISE A ETHIOPIAN

Answer 5

When babies are very young (typically for the first 6 weeks) they can see but their vision is very blurred. Despite everything being really blurry, the one thing they can see is the dark outline of dark coloured objects. Your neice could be just beginning to see much more clearly, which would explain her staring for hours at your beams on your ceiling.

Answer 6

having a 4 month old myself, your sil makes me want to shake her! HOW WOULD SHE LIKE IT IF WHEN SHE WAS HUNGRY, SHE WAS TOLD TO WAIT? OMG !! i know your in a tough spot, but that baby needs you to speak out, either to her, your brother or someone. your sil is being selfish to want things her way and on her schedule. i cldnt imagine doing that to my baby! we do for our children to make life easy for them since they cnt fend for themselves, they are not here to work around us. lets pray she gets help before she hurts that baby. what if the baby wont adjust to what your sil wants?? then what?? will she hurt her??

Answer 7

You should talk to her your sil is showing signs of post partum depression. I suggest you talk to her first and tell her of the dangers of what she is doing to her child. If she doesn't listen you should tell your brother what is going on so he can help her and his child. and if he does not do anything you may have to call child welfare.