I get my son every other weekend and every tuesday and thursday after school and thursday he sleeps over and i bring him to school the next day. His mom has him when i don't. We have beening doing for 5 yrs and it works out great but now that his in school i wonder if this is the best for him. What i mean would it be better to have his mom keep him during the week so he can have the same routine for school nights and i could get him every weekend?At my house he has to sleep on the couch in the living room at his moms he has his oun room. On tuesday when he goes home at 8 it only gives us 2 hours by the time his homework is done and we eat its time to bring him home to his moms. I would miss not seeing him all week and he would miss me too I just feel hes being shuffled around from one place to anouther. My ex is fine with ether way.
2007-10-09 09:18:04 · 12 answers · asked by pete L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, Excellent Job! There aren't many dads out there that would do what you are doing.
If it's been working for 5 years than why change it now? I would continue with what your doing unless you see a change in your son.
2007-10-09 09:26:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing to do would be to talk about this with your son. He may be very happy with the way things are and if you were to change things he may wonder if he did something wrong that he isn't going to see you during the week. I see the benefit of him having a routine for the school week. And I admire that you are trying to do what is best for your son. Perhaps you can make arraignments that you have him more during vacations and on evenings when there is no school the next day. (like holidays and professional development days) I hope all works out well for you and your family.
2007-10-09 09:31:19 · answer #2 · answered by htaylor1021 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also commend you for thinking about what is best for your son, and that it would seem you are able to talk to your x about this, which is great.
My kids stay with their dad every other weekend and each tuesday night, So after their weekend with their dad, they come back to me for one night (mon) and back to their dad's again. I think its absurd and yes a lot of shuffling for the kids, esp as they get older, but the ex cant understand or will even talk about it with me. As its a court ordered (mistake) i have to live with it, or more so the kids do, as he refuses to change things for them.
I do think as they get older, that time after school before the next day becomes more important with homework etc.
Maybe you could have him an extra night over the weekend, swap the thursday evening contact making it the friday night instead,dropping him to school on the monday.
Also regarding the couch at your place, as he gets older and if he's playing sport, im sure he will appreciate something more comfortable to sleep on, even maybe a good mattress that can be brought out for his stays.
2007-10-09 11:43:00 · answer #3 · answered by smileyone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been doing exactly what you are doing for 10 and a half years now. I think its best to keep picking him up during the week because that is much more stable for him. Other than that your just a weekend dad plaything friend.During the week you get to help with home work I know your rushing around everywhere but I asked my daughter about this and she is now 15 she said she would not want it the other way just on weekends to long between visits and it would really suck for your son.Trust me when you drop him off now he misses you alot, f you do the weekend thing now it could really do some potential damage to him. O about the couch thing let him have your bed and get a good air mattress for yourself.
2007-10-09 09:53:26 · answer #4 · answered by david g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a very smart person and apparently a good father. Congratulations on that. You are right on the money. Breaking up the week will make school difficult for your son. He needs the routine, and he needs to come home to the same place every night. What you propose is perfect. It will be difficult for both of you to skip the weekday visits, but if you are on good terms with your Ex, you can ask her if it's Ok for you to have dinner over at her house on Tuesday evenings, or even offer to babysit, so that she can take the evening and go out. That's up to you, but seems like a sound compromise. Good luck!
2007-10-09 09:24:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Even though he is only 8 years old, you can ask him what he thinks about either way but it may be best that she has him during the week and you have him weekends because then you have more time to plan things to do and places to go with him that you don't have now during the week. It is admirable that the two of you can discuss this because many can't after a divorce.
2007-10-09 09:27:43 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My son went through the same thing at his dad's house. He had a room with me but had the couch there. He was just happy having that time with his dad. It is important for you to stay in his life as much as possible so I think that it is very important for your son to continue on with the routine he is used to. If he is doing well in school, the current visitation is not affecting his grades or health, and you and your ex are agreeing with it why change it?
2007-10-09 09:28:56 · answer #7 · answered by AMB 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
WE had a similar arrangement with my kids and they would tell you that it was too much shuffling. The advice we were given was to tack on days to the weekend you have him to make it a longer visit. The two hour thing on a school night really doesnt accomplish alot...bbut can be stressful to the kids and to the parents. Do you want to have him every weekend and your ex have him during the weeks?
2007-10-09 09:26:35 · answer #8 · answered by Twiggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep the schedule. He would miss you. You would miss him. This whole notion that he's better off doing homework at his moms house is crap. He's adjusted to it. It's worked for 5 years. He's ok with it. You're the one who is having a problem. Sounds like you're trying to make your life easier, rather than his.
And how do you explain the change to him. "It's better for you to spend more time at moms." How would he take this change?
Also, let him sleep in your bed once in a while and you sleep on the couch.
2007-10-09 09:35:23 · answer #9 · answered by JB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What works best/is agreeable is different for every child/family. But you need to realize that you are asking Mom to give up ALL her weekend time with the child (that’s the ‘fun’ time, when you have time to relax, do things together, etc). That’s not fair to her (and no court would order it because the court realizes it not fair). I doubt Mom will go for it. I certainly wouldn’t. If Mom does go for it, I imagine she will soon regret it and be requesting a change.
2007-10-09 09:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by kp 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋