We are in our second year of marriage. I am disappointed that my husband is not as family oriented as I was expecting. We have 4 kids between us and hes not all that interested in creating together time...with all the kids together. Do I continue to suggest family dinners only to be knocked down, or do I arrange together time with my step kids and mine but not include hubby? I think part of the problem is that he feels guilty over the new blended family because he left his first wife for me. what shoudl i do?
2007-10-09 09:15:19 · 5 answers · asked by Twiggy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the kids are all teenagers
2007-10-09 09:21:21 · update #1
Stop! Adultery carries a very high price and too much damage has been done already. Stop trying to be a mother to his children; they have a mother and it's not you. Your husband may be trying to tell you that your marriage was a mistake and he still loves his first wife and is wanting his old family back.
You have nothing to do with the decisions he makes concerning his children but you DO have to accept it. Why don't you get some "smarts" and stop trying to mix the families? It's obvious he doesn't want that.
2007-10-09 09:36:16 · answer #1 · answered by Laredo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are the ages of the 4 kids? Not that it matters, just asking so I can give suggestions.
It's tough with teenagers. Especially if they're active in school sports and hanging with their friends to find time to do family stuff. Plus they may think it's "uncool". Maybe your hubby tried to do "family stuff" in his first marriage that didn't work out and just isn't into trying it anymore with the extended family. Maybe suggest 1 day a week is family night. (Dinner together, movie, whatever) It may not last long, but at least he may get that this is something he needs to be supportive of!
2007-10-09 09:20:14 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Neutron 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recommend that you not push him to do things he doesn't want to do. Invite him to the 'family' things but give him a choice.
"I'm taking all the kids to Six Flags next Sat. You are invited"
Personally I spent way too much energy in my life trying to create a family when there WASN't one. It was a waste. I should have just maintained my own relationships and let other people decide what relationships they wanted to have instead of always trying to force them to be together. it didn't work. yes, it is disappointing, but you now know that it is not what you hoped. grieve, mourn and move on. It might not be worth it to try to create a new 'family' where there isn't one.
make your priority that his kids have time with him and your kids have time with you.
trying to create a third entity is almost impossible in my experience. a lot of time it doesn't meet anyone's needs.
2007-10-09 09:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay first of all have a good time with your step kids and if you have real kids like go bowling with them and him go to the mall or when your step kids or ur own kids have to go to school just spend some alone time with him go out to lunch make him want you to spend time.......with him.....just have some fun with him.....dont boss him around either....trust me i know....
2007-10-09 09:21:52 · answer #4 · answered by Mileys Fan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he feels guilty he shouldnt of married you.
I would organise the dinners, either dont have him there or ask him to go everytime.
He needs to focus on his family now, and it seems like he is to busy focusing on what he had!
Talk to him!!!
2007-10-09 09:19:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋