i am engage and in love with my fiance. we both ahve kids from previous relationships. I have one but my ex does not even show his face, he is not a problem to us. on the other hand my fiance has two kiddos from two drifferent women. to me its a little hard to get used to the idea that they "the mother's" will always be a part in his life. one other thing is that one of them is not happy with me and him being together. she is not very nice to me when we see eachother. he said he had talked to her about it. he tells me just to ignore her. really not sure how to handle her or the situation because i don't want to fight with her or cause any problems between them. you know make things worst! for right now i try to ignore the whole thing but its hard. she told him she doesn't want to see us together when she is around or when he pick up the kid. she wants respect but she can't respect me...
it might get bad when she finds out that him and i are planning our wedding for next year.
2007-10-09 08:46:45 · 15 answers · asked by preciosa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My relationship with my ex got better after he found out I was engaged.
His fear was I would break up his new relationship.
My advice is stay in the car when he picks up the child.
But allow your presence to be there when she comes to your place - after all it is your place.
2007-10-09 08:55:53 · answer #1 · answered by AussieLady 58 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are talking about, I have the same issue, except that this happened about 8 years ago, and believe me it is still continuing, even though the ex has remarried, she still wants to feel like she is in control. I know for a fact that taking the high road is hard but it is ultimately the best thing to do. It seems to make the ex burn inside even more, but it's obviously because she is jealous of you and your life. Or there wouldn't be any problems, for her to say that you need to show respect by not being around when your fiance picks up his kids is ridiculous. He is your man and you can be by his side whenever you want. His kids are going to be your step-children so that is a big role for any new step-parent. You have every right to feel the way you do, as long as you fiance is on your side and doesn't allow this kids' mothers' to have all these special rules for him regarding his own kids you should be fine. It's a hard road, and for me it continues to be difficult at times. For some reason some women think since they have a man's kid that they get to control the man's life forever. Not true, be a respectful, cordial and loving step mom and you won't be sorry!
2007-10-09 15:57:31 · answer #2 · answered by Vegas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say that its not her choice to make about you going with your fiance to pick up his child and I wouldnt stop doing so either..
Also the best advice I have for her is to kill her with kindness its not worth the fight..... Also not good for the kids either...
Also think real hard about if thats the life you want cause like you said these two woman would also be apart of your life also. This situation has nothing to do with respect on your part she needs to respect you and your fiance and grow up your not disrespecting her in anyway......
2007-10-09 16:01:58 · answer #3 · answered by Dana T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is jealous, at the end of the day if he wanted to be with her he still would be, so she needs to hear that from your boyfriend.
If you are getting married then those kids deserve a happy and safe relationship, and for that to be, you have to try (as hard as it may be) get on with the kids mothers.
Also they should be grateful that you are willing to take them on and give them as much love and respect as you give your own children.
Things will come together, you need to be there for both your children and his, hopefully the ex will see that.
Dont back down, you are entitled to be there when she drops the kids off......just sit back in another room if its that uncomfortable for her.
Good Luck
2007-10-09 15:55:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet here is to start practicing keeping your mouth shut and not taking offense to what they say.
It is quite a task, but it can be done.
Your goal is to be the better person and learn to keep your own feelings in check, let go of insults, jealousy, and ego.
If you are not up to the task, for the sake of all parties involved, do not go through with the marriage.
If you are not sure of your ability to let things slide on a constant basis, just know that many other people before you have been up to the challenge and have succeeded.
Good luck.
2007-10-09 15:55:57 · answer #5 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is trying to maintain control over him. Do not give in to her. She has no rights to say she doesn't want to see the two of you together. It doesn't matter if he's talked to her about it or not because at the end of the day he does not control her. I'd say live your life and anytime she starts in just remind her that she's over stepping her role as EX.
Make sure he has legal visitations or custody or whatever so that she can't play those games.
2007-10-09 16:00:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i married a man with a son from his first marriage and you really need to decide if you can handle all the things this means i love my husband but we argue constantley about how his son has been brought up as he is alot harder with our kids and you always have to know that his ex will always be part of the picture eg at his wedding etc you have to be one very secure person which i am not if i had my time again no way !!!
2007-10-09 16:00:08 · answer #7 · answered by suziesunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm hoping your hubby is backing you up on this ex problem.You are going to be in the kiddos lives.There shouldn't be a fight.He should not let her run his life.The ex word means no more.You should talk with your man and come up with a solution for this problem together.Keep your gaurd up.
2007-10-09 15:56:01 · answer #8 · answered by lollypop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may need to address this w/ her she needs to get over the fact of what happen between them... they are no longer together and they have to work hard for the child's sake...it seems she is the one making things worst!!! Once more ask your fiance to talk to her and explain to her how this makes you feel and that if she wishes respect she needs to give respect in return
2007-10-09 15:58:09 · answer #9 · answered by starlight♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it, he's right just try to ignore her. It wouldn't matter who he married the ex is of a small mind and would probably diss Mother Mary.
2007-10-09 15:52:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋