I am Due in Dec and the father is a looser( yes I know... why get prego by him) but that is not the question... He has two other kids that he does not support and he has been in jail for a hit and run on his kids grandfather, he has told me that he will take my son and leave and I will never see him again as soon as he get the chance, his house is nasty and he does not pay his bills, had no drivers license(drives anyway) and no car insurance. What can I do to get it to where he does not get any custody of the baby... he is not willing to give it up! he wants joint custody so that he wont have to pay support. In my state KS you can not give up rights....it is a no bastard law!! Please Help...only serious answers please... as I realize that I am in a bad situation and have learned my lesson.
2007-10-09 08:20:55 · 21 answers · asked by younglady215 4 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
1. Get a good lawyer.
2. Document everything this man says & does -- dates, times, etc...
3. File in court for an Order of Protection (a/k/a Restraining Order) stating that this man cannot come within 500 yards of you, your child (when born), your place of employment, your home, the child's daycare (if applicable), etc... Reason? This man has threatened to kidnap your child.
2007-10-09 08:25:35 · answer #1 · answered by kja63 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your goal is to keep him from getting the kid AND you keep the kid with him having to pay child support, it is not going to happen in Kansas. If he gets his name down as the father, you are stuck with him for the next 18 years. He at the very least will get visitation and perhaps weekends and summer custody.
On the other hand, if your goal is to keep him from getting the child REGARDLESS of all other considerations, do the following.
First. Check out all state laws. Do this quietly so no one knows you are doing it. Just because you are in Kansas now does not mean you have to be in Kansas when you have the child. Find out which state has a Safe Haven Baby drop program. Move to that state ASAP. Do this QUIETLY! Do not tell anyone, not your mother, not your father, not your girl friends, NO ONE.
Second. Have the baby. When they ask who the father is, tell them you do not know. They will put "unknown" on the birth certificate. Get out of the hospital ASAP.
Third. Immediately go to a Save Haven baby drop (one about 50 or more miles away from where you had the baby) and drop the baby off. Leave nothing with the child that can identify it as yours. They will give you a document stating they received one live child. That is so later no one can say you killed the kid. You just leave the baby, take the document and go home to Kansas.
Fourth. When you get home, lock up the birth certificate and Safe Haven document where NO ONE can get at them. You can tell your family you had the baby and put it up for adoption. Do NOT tell them where you had the baby and do not tell them HOW you did it.
When Mr. Wonderful starts asking about "his" kid, you can tell him he did not have a kid. Tell him he has no proof you were "faithful" to him at the time the kid was conceived. Do NOT tell him where you had the baby, how you had the birth certificate filled out or what you did with the child. If he wants to find out, he will have to hire a private investigator. Even if they find out where you had the kid, they will not know where the kid went. If they find out you put it up for adoption, they will not know how you did it. If they find out you used Safe Haven they will have to search hundreds of possible sites for the correct one. And if they do find the right Safe Haven, they still will not be able to prove the kid was his. The law will not allow him to do a DNA test on every kid that went through a Safe Haven program.
If he goes to the police and they actually try to investigate it, you get a lawyer, show them the birth certificate and the Safe Haven certificate and that will be the end of it.
Then do not get PG again until you are married.
2007-10-09 08:45:45 · answer #2 · answered by forgivebutdonotforget911 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Its possible that he could just be telling you that he will take your baby, just to upset you.
A judge will take into account all of the facts before he will be granted custody of a child.
If you breast-feed judges will not take a child away from the mother unless she is on drugs.
If you leave the state and established yourself, with a house, job, medical benefits or have someone who will help with the care of your child, then you will be in a much better position.
Your child's father just can't take your child. If you don't put him on the birth certificate and he takes the child, you can press kidnapping charges against him.
Then he would have to go thru the court and have a DNA to show paternity. If he's as much as a loser as you stated, that will be too much work for him.
I would suggest that you talk to a lawyer, or see if Legal aid can help you if you don't have enough money.
Good luck with everything, and if he is as bad as you say, I wouldn't worry about him taking your child from you.
2007-10-09 08:39:29 · answer #3 · answered by cameranhand 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well - there is a fair balance here between the "stay and fight" and the "run and hide"
My guess is based on what he says is he is just bluffing that he will want custody - but it IS a big chance to take
I think I come down on the "run and hide" part of the equation -move as far away as you can. If you are in Kansas move to California or Virginia. Never have any contact with him - don't tell ANYONE where you are going and start a new life.
2007-10-09 10:19:32 · answer #4 · answered by roadrunner426440 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't talk to him any more. He is just trying to upset you. You don't need all that drama.
First, just because he says he wants joint custody, doesn't mean he will get it. He might get visitation but based on his threats and personal history, you can get that restricted to supervised visitation. He probably won't even bother with visitation.
Second, take the advice others have given you to not put his name on the birth cerificate. He will have to go to court to prove paternity before you have to allow any sort of visitation or joint custody.
He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would fork over money to an attorney to fight for paternity rights. But even if he does, that still doesn't mean he automatically gets joint custody. His record, home visitations by social services, and I bet the testimony of his other kids' momma would probably not work to his advantage.
In any event, find better hunting grounds for a boyfriend in the future. You don't need to be drug down by such losers.
2007-10-09 08:54:48 · answer #5 · answered by bdancer222 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK first off talk to a Lowerylawer to see what you can do. you should be able to find someone willing to talk to you for free or dirt cheap, try to use the hit and run and everything else you listed as an excuse to get a restraining order against him. if you get one against him be for you give birth then make sure you keep it up and get to last a while you can call the cops if he sets foot near you. the best ting i can say is get the restraining order and then move and disappear. that's what I'm helping a friend of mine do. she already has a restraining order out its good for another month and a half and shes moving 600 miles away and not telling him the address. if he straightens up he has her email but others wise shes got the two kids and shes gone. good luck! congrats on baby!
2007-10-09 08:26:30 · answer #6 · answered by ~*~AmethystMoonBeams~*~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have the baby in another state.
Do not put the baby's father's name on the birth certificate. (Claim you don't know the father's name.) He will need to spend the time and money to get the court to approve a paternity test.
Do not seek aid from him or the state. Hire a good lawyer if he finds you and seeks custody. Good luck.
p.s. When your child is older explain that while his or her father wasn't a good person that has no bearing on your son or daughter. Hopefully you will find a good male role model for him or her.
2007-10-09 08:24:47 · answer #7 · answered by Plasmapuppy 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Get in touch with a rep from your local/state child protective services. Explain the situation and get a course of action from them.
Document who, what and how and when they tell you to handel this, this way if something happens and you end up in court, you have documention that you tried to deal with this the right way and the system failed you.
If you have the option to bail out and leave, take it. He's not going to help you, he's just a threat.
2007-10-09 08:33:11 · answer #8 · answered by The Forgotten 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have so much sympathy for you Ive been there, we live in Scotland and the laws here are if you are not married then a father has little/no rights. take your chances in court start looking for proof he has to prove he is a fit father and he has to prove your an unfit mother, but he isnt saying your unfit is he? as he wants joint custody.
2007-10-09 08:28:02 · answer #9 · answered by alan w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Couple of ideas
1. Don't list him as the father.
2. If he spends the money to prove paternity, go to court and request sole custody. You should see a lawyer for this step.
2007-10-09 08:24:53 · answer #10 · answered by davidmi711 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋