Planned pregnancies without marriage--What do you think?

Question

Another poster asked about planned YOUNG pregnancies and many answers mentioned marriage, even when the people are 18, so I'm wondering your views on...

planning a pregnancy with a significant other without planning to get married?

planning a pregnancy with a fiance who you plan to marry?

I guess b/c I asked this, you all think that I am unmarried and planning to become pregnant...

Sometimes people just have thoughts or questions...

Thanks to those who answered what I asked...and read the question so they see why I asked.

PLEASE READ THE QUESTION!!!!
Rather than, like "the wandering critic," telling someone to keep their f'ing panties on...

Answer 1

As long as the two people are in love and financially stable, then why shouldn't they have a baby if they want? Some people just don't want to get married for whatever reason, that doesn't make them less responsible.

Answer 2

Just because people are happy in a relationship and plan to stay together, still doesn't mean that marriage is for them. Some people just don't like the idea of marriage, or don't believe that marriage is necessary in a serious relationship. They may think that marriage is just a ceremony and a piece of paper stating that the couple is husband and wife, but that it doesn't go beyond that, and therefore there is no reason to go through the long, tedious and costly process of planning and going through with a wedding. Personally, I will be getting married before children. However, I see nothing wrong with anyone who does things differently. It's just the way I'd want it.

Answer 3

A marriage secures the chances that that child will have both parents in its life and also secures the chance that the mother and the father will have continued suppot in raising that child. For these reasons, I don't think it's rational to plan a pregnancy outside of marriage. Both parents should have the best interest of the child in mind before preceeding in procreating a child together. Young adults and teens are usually not metally mature meaning that a lot of things they do are done spontaneously and without much thought. Older adults are often wise enough to think things through before making vast decisions that will affect them for the duration of their lives. This theory can be applied to many areas of people's lives including relationships. Being young and in love is a typical thing for most youngsters. The things they may "think" are things that will cement a relationship between two people are usually not the things that actually hold a relationship together. As we get older we begin to realize what's important and what's not important. Wisdom usually comes with age which means that making effective decisions becomes greater. With that said, young adults and teens that consent to having children at a young age are usually unaware of what they are getting themselves into.

To add, not being in a committed relationship or marriage only adds to the negative outcome that could be pending. Marriage is usually a solid union between two people. You cannot be married today and say to your partner tomorrow, "okay I don't like you anymore so I can't be married to you any longer" like you could if you are just in a regular boy/girlfriend relationship. There are more steps a person has to take to get out of a marriage and because of that many married couples that are in trouble think twice before eradicating the marriage which increases the chances of a longer more successful union between the two.

This is only a portion of what I have to say on this topic but I will stop there. I have already written too much. As far as fiance's go, I still think it's not ok to procreate a baby at even that time (seeing as though the act of calling off a wedding is becoming increasingly prevalent). I think the best thing to do is to wait until marriage so that that first, the eternal bond between the couple is already established and agreed upon and second, so that the child can be apart of a stable family that has lesser chance of being broken apart.

Answer 4

first ,planning without marriage,i don't think it's a good idea because you have to consider the baby and how his life will be without one of his parents even if you planned to be around him all the time because you just can't as you will have all this work to do in the future and off course you will neglect the baby as on of them will feel that he isn't so much committed to this whole thing and it's generally the father and the only loser here is the baby

second.about this fiance thing, i don't think so either because something like that could destroy the whole marriage thing as it's too much for someone to handle specially if you weren't married and also during the pregnancy the mother becomes very moody and gets upset very easily all this together could cause any one to reconsider the marriage and could make generally the father to step back.

so no marriage no pregnancy

Answer 5

Well here is how I feel on the subject:
I think having a child together is the ultimate commitment and if your willing to plan that then why not get married too?
However I understand if there are reasons to not get married and still have a child.
I know that I waited to get married after my now husband and I found out we were expecting. It was 100% financially based. It worked for us.
I also understand gay or lesbian couples wanting to have a child and they are unable to get married and that is fine too.
And if a woman wishes to have a child but not a boyfriend or husband and wishes to raise the child on her own then I feel thats reasonable too.
But when there is only the fear of commitment keeping 2 people from being wed, then I certainly think that having a child together is a bad idea. Your committed to a child for at least 18 years together (but basically life). But you can always divorce your husband.

Answer 6

I think the only thing that should matter is if the child will be raised in a happy home. Even being married, you can't say that 100% you will be together forever, but if two adults are committed to each other and want to start trying for a baby then go for it!! I personally wanted to wait until I was married, but it was a personal choice my husband and I made. Each adult has to make their own personal choice.

A friend of mine is having her scond child with her fiance (both planned). they have been engaged since before they conceived their first child, and recently decided to have a quiet ceremony in their yard shortly after their second child is born. they have both been married before and neither felt like running to the alter. They're both happy and they are great parents and I don't see anything wrong with their own personal choice.

I say, to each their own!

Answer 7

I see no problems at all with planning on a pregnancy with out being married.

I see marriage as mainly a piece of paper, a bonus on health insurance breaks, and really nothing more.
Others I'm sure see it as a sacred thing, but for some, its just an overated, over-used tradition.

And I really dont' see how anyone can see a problem for a fiance to plan on pregnancy- there getting married to plan on having a family, ok, so whats new?

Answer 8

In my opinion you should get married before you have children. I don't think you should plan to have the children until after the marriage even if you're engaged. I don't think you should get married if you are under 18 and I don't think you should plan to have children if you are under 18. I realize that things don't always work out that way, and I try not to judge others. But you asked for opinions and that is my opinion of how it should be.

Answer 9

I think that as long as the couple is financially stable, are capable of taking care of the child, and have thought long and hard about bringing a life into the world, then it is their choice.

I have known a lot of people who have had children when young -- planned or not -- and it is extremely hard to take the steps needed to ensure that a child has a good, secure life -- graduating from college or university, having a stable job, saving money -- the list goes on.

Answer 10

Planning a pregnancy is a smart course of action regardless of the marital status of the couple. The more important part is to being planning the actual LIFE of the child before even the pregnancy begins. Planning ONLY the pregnancy and leaving the rest up to random chance is childish, selfish, short-sided and ultimately stupid because the pregnancy will only last 8-10months while the child's life will extend far beyond that of their progenitors (you and your partner).