Well I have been not getting along with my husband. His mom moved in unannounced. He lost his job I am stuck with the bills, mom is lazy, my kids are both in school. She claims she came to live with us to babysit. I don't need a babysitter. I am going crazy.....It so happens I don't buy the right brand of groceries for her to cook with. My husband is the youngest of the family, he has four older siblings and no one wants to take the responsibility to take care of the 56 yr old mom. She has a small drinking problem....has always been a homemaker. I want her out but she has no where to go. Husband is not help....his mother is coming between us. What shall I do????? I want my marriage to work.
2007-10-09 05:44:22 · 13 answers · asked by ahhhmaazzzing 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Write it all down in a factual and non accusing way. Take several days to ad to and edit the list so that you're sure you've got a clear picture well stated.
Then get your husband aside in a relaxed environment, maybe out to dinner and after a drink, and give him the letter to read and tell him that this has to change and ask him how you can work together to fix this. If need be remind him that you married him and not his whole family. Try to realize that he will be torn between you and his love for his mother. You wouldn't want to be married to a guy who didn't love his own mother would you?
Good luck!
2007-10-09 05:51:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to all the trailer parks near by and find one you can afford -You can pick them up sometimes for $1.00 no lie! People don't want them b/c older ones you can't move down the raods anymore and don't fit transportation codes and mostly the people giving these away just want out! All she will have to come up with would be the lot rent wich is usually between $200.00 to $300.00! Get the place and set her up b/c now that she's there she isn't going to go anywhere unless you and your husbnad make her and if you two do it for her! If she has no income take her to the state independency program in you county and get her on assistance- If a push is what she needs then do it, if she needs more then a push then set her up some place and tell her this is the way it is and that she has over stay'd her welcome....
He needs to find work! Start laying down the law and telling them how it's going to be and that you have been kind enough and now it's time for change.
2007-10-09 05:54:14 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His mom moved in unannounced!That is the problem. How is your marriage going to work when you are the only one working and he is not asking if it is okay that his mom move in. He needs to get her out of the house. There should have been ground rules set before she moved in as in how long she was going to stay? You had no say in this and now you have to work to take care of your family and be a wife, mother and mother in law. I feel for you, he needs to get a job and she needs to start rotating between children. He is not providing for her, you are and you are not her mother. If I were you i would send her packing.
2007-10-09 05:55:55 · answer #3 · answered by Jeff D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go here:
http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org/meetings/meeting.html
Find a meeting in your area.
What's going on is no mistake. You need to work on yourself.
You may not realize it but you're doing things that have allowed
this nonsense to go on. And it is nonsense. There is no reason
in the world you should be putting up with this. Things should
never have gotten to this point.
Your husband's family sounds really messed up. Your
relationship with your husband sounds like it's already in trouble.
You are wise to seek help before it's too late.
If you continue this, you'll lose what respect you may have for the
man and then you'll be in real trouble.
Get help for yourself first. You can't deal with this on your own.
It sounds like a real mess. I'd go see a counselor along with
going to meetings on a regular basis.
I don't envy your situation but you sound bright enough to know
that it's messed up and that there is a better way. I think you will
find that better way. You'll get there quicker with help.
Good luck to you.
2007-10-09 05:52:37 · answer #4 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to sit hubby down and talk. He has to get back to work. No matter what kind of work, just so long as he is working. Then, you both have to go to mom and tell her that there is a a problem. detail what the problems are including givng her a set deadline to move out.
If hubby and mom refuse to work with you, it's time to move on. Just remind hubby that it is going to cost him child support, then wish him and mommy a happy life together. Then move out, get yourself and your kids stable, then find a real man who acts like a real husband and father.
2007-10-09 05:51:12 · answer #5 · answered by randy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that she has nowhere to go makes this an issue. Knowing that fact, the only advise is to sit down, first, with your husband and discuss your issues with him in regards to her. Once you two have come to an agreed upon course of actions, then it is time, for the two of you to communicate the action plan with his mother. She seems like she wants to be involved..so allow her to but with limitations...make out the grocery list together. Allow her to help with the kids. Set parameters for her social drinking...work it out as a family together.
2007-10-09 06:05:28 · answer #6 · answered by solomonfever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, talk to the mother.. may she could live in a assited living, or with one of the other family members, and yes you should talk to your husband and let him know how you feel, it is bad for you and your relationship to hold your feelings in, you will come to hate your mother in law, as well as your husband don't let that happen, if she is there to babysit let her, plan a date for you and your husband and go out, see what she has to say...Tell her that you and your husband need a little time to be together...Good Luck
2007-10-09 06:02:43 · answer #7 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take the bull by the horns and start controlling the situation, diplomatically. tell your husband to continue to look for a job. give some around the house chores for you mom in law to do. if you do the cooking, tell her she can clean while you tend to the kids. if she fusses, tell her that out of the goodness of our family's hearts you are here living with us and i don't raise lazy kids, and i won't have a lazy grand mother. then on every saturday night, put her to work babysitting while you and your husband go out to keep your sanity. but, he still needs to get a job. it is unacceptable for him to be out of work. if he continues to be out of work, then he and your mother can cook and clean together. that should make him want to get the heck out of there. your mom in law should take turns living with all of her children. just start making the rules and let her and your husband conform to them. good luck
2007-10-09 05:53:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your hubby to find a job and give the mother a date to be out. Tell mom you appreciate the babysitter offer but you dont need one. make the hubby do a meeting with the other siblings and they discuss what to be done with THEIR mother because she can not stay with yah.
2007-10-09 05:52:02 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OUCH!!!! Your husband needs to man up!!! It is your house, YOU are the lady of the house. If your husband won't say anyhting, you need to. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes for anything!!! You will need to tell her it is time for some discussion. Tell her you are sorry if this offends you, but things are going to have to change. You appriciate the offer of babysitting for you, but this is your house. You run things the way You want to run things. If there is no other alterrnative but for her to live with you, things have to change. Tell her it is interfering with your marriage, Be sure to say all this with kindness, yet firmness.
Tell her you want to make this work, but it can't go on the way it is. Set guidelines. Tell her your expectations. Be sure to include your husband in on this. If he chooses not to, then it is your ballgame. Good luck!
2007-10-09 06:03:42 · answer #10 · answered by tammie h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋