I wanted 2 forgive my wife 4 what she has done. I can only wear my blinders 4 so long before I have 2 accept the truth that she slept w/another man. She has only hurt me worse during this time by telling me "if u knew the truth there would b no turning back" & "if u knew the truth, u would leave me 4 sure". Why she said those things 2 me I dont know. I told her she should have never said those things if she wanted me 2 try & get over it. She is currently still living w/me at our house but I am ready 2 go file. Do I file and then tell her I did it? Do I tell her I am going to go file and then go? Do I just file & let her get served? Tell her move out, that I am going 2 go file? What is the best CIVIL approach 2 this. She has admitted to staying in a hotel room w/another man. I saw the clothes she wore out the night of this. The clothes she wore home the day after. The following wkend I read a txt fm him 2 her that said "I'm going 2 bed all alone now : (" So I know!
2007-10-09 04:14:07 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Good luck! This is going to take a lot of strength. I don't think she will question this, if she does just quote her and tell her you do know the truth. I don't think it matters if you file first or not. I think saying you filed might give you strength when you talk to her. Do you have children with this woman? If you have kids together you need to talk to her first, then sit the kids down together and talk to them. Who knows... talking to the kids might make you realize you want to work on it and might be able to forgive her afterall.
If you don't have kids... let me just say, good for you for taking care of yourself and not being naive. I would also get her to move out as soon as possible.
2007-10-09 04:21:33 · answer #1 · answered by Robin Sparkles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would file and have her served. She already said that this is what would happen if you knew. You know, file. Sorry about the pain, life sucks, marriage is not always harmonious. The less you involve yourself with her the better at this point, it is when the big fighting starts, let the lawyers fight. When she is served and comes home wondering ask her to move out at that time or tell her that you filed them today (whenever you do it) and then suggest she move out at that point, of course you should make sure she has the finances to go somewhere safe and healthy. Good luck and hang in there, not everyone cheats.
2007-10-09 04:31:41 · answer #2 · answered by scsspace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This all depends on your culture, and how high up "family values" are within it. Now frankly this is an easy situation to understand. In my marriage my wife had several other men that were in and out of her life. I found out after the third man. Despite all of that, I forgave her and tried to keep things going. But other issues were there that couldn't be resolved. The best thing you can do is get your sexuality back. Stop thinking about her and this other man having sex. If she honestly wanted him, she'd have left you. She may be staying out of loyalty rather than out of love, and that's probably what's hurting you. She may be trying hard, but it could be because she knows she hurt you and doesn't want you to suffer. If counseling isn't doing it, then you need to start focusing on your deep down emotional feelings towards your wife. Obviously you haven't been able to get past this. The sexual infidelity is probably the worst because you're partly possessive of her. Once you realize that you can live without her, is when you can start having sex with her. I know it sounds odd, but the reality is that this is a woman you trusted, had faith in, and emotionally bonded with. So her affair goes against all of that. If you view her sex with this other man as something that really meant nothing to her, other than it satisfied some urge she had; then you can also realize that she is still with you, but you don't need her. If you don't need her, then its simple. Sex will come back. The bond won't be there the way it was, at least for awhile. Regardless, the steps you have to take are simple. Just sit down and talk to her about why she felt attracted to this other man, what it was that you couldn't do for her that he did (other than money), and what she can do to heal your heart. Perhaps in finding out all the reasons and eliminating them, then you can start all over again with her. Then maybe she can win your trust back, win your faith back and perhaps form a new bond with you. Finally, start spending more time together, getting reacquainted. That helps because it brings you two closer together emotionally. But for right now, you have to assume you can live without her, and then build it all back again.
2016-03-19 08:36:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you sould sit down with her and tell her that you filed today. If you can get her to move out do that...if not find a place for yourself. Don't stay in the same house with her because that can complicate the divorce proceedings.
2007-10-09 04:23:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm sorry about your luck, but, don't feel alone!! I have the same history from x, just different names&faces!!! You should handle this in a business like manner! Your mariage is over, now dividing the assets, people can/do become possesive over studip crap, don't get caught up here!! Have her move out,(so he can move in), and file w/her new address, have her served!! DON'T TELL HER UNTIL SHE'S GONE!!! Cahnge the locks, protect yuor assets, and never meet w/her without attorney's present!!! Theirs a fine line between love & hate. GOOD LUCK
2007-10-09 04:29:50 · answer #5 · answered by happywjc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may still love her, but that doesnt mean she won't do it over and over again. I think yea it's best you just tell her to go where she wants to be. I don't normally agree with divorce, but cheating it completely wrong so I would file today.
2007-10-09 04:19:20 · answer #6 · answered by Manda 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on with it, sounds like your hesitant to do so. And there seems to be little communication going on as well. Why is she still living with you if she doesn't want to be with you? I would sit her down and ask her to leave, with the intentions of filing for divorce.
2007-10-09 04:20:42 · answer #7 · answered by Freakalicious 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before you file, try a separation. You have not really stated whether you love her or whether she loves you or how long you have been married. I would take some time to find out whether there is still something there between you to salvage. The one other thing that stands out is that she has not asked for your forgiveness. Find out why.
2007-10-09 04:41:29 · answer #8 · answered by JJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best if you or her separate first. Sometimes then reality sets in and the pain of being apart is more than the pain of her cheating. Then file later. May save money. Filing is the last thing. First , trial seperation
Then, formal seperation
then, divorse.
2007-10-09 05:26:21 · answer #9 · answered by hbrhonda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so nice and tolerant towards her. Since she did not respect and also cheated on you, and since you have decided to file, just go ahead and do it and ask her to move out asap. The more you face her, the more hurtful you will become. Do not hesitate anymore.
You deserve someone better.
2007-10-09 04:28:57 · answer #10 · answered by Charlyn Lim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋