I've been married 6 months. I have recently found out that my husand is Bipolar. He had an episode last month where he became violent. He has finally gotten help and is now on meds and doing great. However, he is now realizing that this was the cause of losing his previous wife.He calls my daughter by her daughter's name. He has in the past few months threw her in my face, telling me he wished he never told her to leave . I have a feeling there is unfinished business there for him. I think that since he is better he regrets not getting help in time to save his marriage withher. Since his outburst a month ago, my daughter is affraid of him. She fears his meds won't work or he'll relapse. Now she wants to go live with her father. What bothers me is that when I told my husband about it, he immediately told me I should leave and we shouldn't be married anymore. Why do I get t the feeling he wants me to go so he can see if he can make it work w/ his ex, and this was his out.
2007-10-09 04:07:06 · 6 answers · asked by tammy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I thought he would be AFFRAID I would leave him, instead he was telling me to leave. Is he jumping on the chance to get rid of me?
2007-10-09 04:10:06 · update #1
My heart is breaking. I feel like the mistake he made. I feel like hes trying to ditch me.
He keeps in contact with her entire family always knows her business.
2007-10-09 04:16:26 · update #2
he is in treatment, he sees a doctor twice a month for therapy, Thats the problem, I think he is just now starting to see clearly, and now realizes what he did to her to make her leave
2007-10-09 04:18:33 · update #3
he was violent last month, but he's gotten help, now on meds and doing great?? how do you go from 'violent' to 'doing great' in one month?
let me tell you a bit about bipolar disorder. (i was diagnosed 3 years ago)
you don't wake up the day after medications and feeling 'normal'.
you don't wake up a month after being 'violent' and become well.
when you're in the 'spell' of the illness, you think you see crystal clear, but it's the opposite.
maybe he's relapsing right now, and few months later when he thinks he's seeing clearly, then he's gonna say leaving you was a mistake.
It took me well over a year before i could say 'i'm doing better'. and when you think that you've won the battle against bipolar disorder, it hits you like a freight train. it's a war that never ends...
yeah, when i was diagnosed, i had million unfinished things. i even contacted a GF from 15 years ago. it all made sense... my mind worked in light speed. i figured it all out... just to find out later, much later that all the clearness was nothing more than illusions in reality.
Tammy, i feel for you. this isn't going to be easy.
i'm answering your question, but i don't really have an answer... but this i know : your daughter's safety should be your number one concern. If he's at this stage (i'm 100% positive that he's still under the 'spell') you should be concerned about your daughters and your own safety. with that said... things that are coming out of his mouth, things he thinks that he feels.. all those may be his illness talking, not him.
let him know how much you love him (if you didn't, i know for fact that you wouldn't put up with his crap)and tell him just how much he's hurting you... write it all out... all 14 pages of it, if necessary.
when he understands how much he's hurt you, he's gonna go into 'guilty' mode and ask for your forgiveness. excessive guiltiness is also 'bipolar' talking..
it's gonna be hard, trying to distinguish him from his illness.
with patience and time, you'll be able to. but it's going to be one serious roller coaster ride for you and your daughter, and at some point, you have to decide if it's all worth it.
2007-10-09 05:17:44 · answer #1 · answered by James 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he is still "in" his last marriage. It is obvious that he still has feelings for her and wishes things would have worked out..I mean that is exactly what he told you! Any act of violence should be taken seriously and if your daughter is scared enough to move away then it is time to leave him. Let him have what he wants...You don't want to go on knowing that the entire time he is with you he is thinking of her. That is no way to live. You need to find someone that will appreciate you and your daughter and couldn't imagine their life w/o the both of you. It seems that he is TRYING to imagine his! I know it's hard, but move on!
2007-10-09 04:22:42 · answer #2 · answered by anon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is having a hard time seeing clearly. I don't know much about it all, however if he is seeing things clearly for the first time there are going to be a lot of unresolved issues in his head. If you love him and want to stay with him, what you might have to do is give him the space he needs to work it all out. It may also be that the meds that he is taking are not working and are causing some sort of crazy reaction. Maybe his doctors will do an evaluation and adjust them. Like I said, I don't know much about this problem.....just a quiet life observer of issues through out my life.
2007-10-09 04:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by Kaboom 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is just lashing out. Have to been to your pastor for help. They give great advice and if you look back through history it was the pastors of churches that were the marriage counsellors of yesteryear!!
2007-10-09 04:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by rooneyassoc777 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you guys need to see a marriage counselor and a phychiatrist to work through your problems.
2007-10-09 04:13:10 · answer #5 · answered by Betty 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hello! It is totally obvious. He doesn't want you anymore. Pack up and get out before he harms you and your daughter more.
2007-10-09 04:11:43 · answer #6 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋