How to handle this situation?

Question

This wkend was my wife's bday party. She's sorta young so please take that into consideration. She invited '15' people and only 7 showed up & she is pissed, disappointed, feels let down & I don't know what to do? She is bringing me down with her 'unhappiness' as well & I don't feel like being with around that. Her negative attitude isn't just with this... She pretty much picks out the negative out of EVERYTHING. How do I make her change her view point on things & rather be happy for the people that did take time out of their day & appreciate them? I know if this continues, I don't want to be around this. I've talked to her MANY MANY times about her negative attitude & never being happy, but she seems to understand where I'm coming from & then BAM, she goes back to her ways.... What to do? Please help

Answer 1

I understand you say she's young and that's why she's being a spoiled brat about her birthday party, but, honestly...

If you're so immature that you throw a fit because only seven people came to your birthday party, what are you doing married? There are far worse disappointments in the world..

My four year old invited 20 kids to her party. Four came. She was fine with it, because she understands that sometimes things like this happen.

It's a hard world out there for those that refuse to accept reality and grow up.

Answer 2

This is a hard one when she won't change. I was like that, I tried hard to be happy, but according to my husband I was never happy and it got to the point where he couldn't take it anymore. It's a big learning process. It's unfortunate that it took a major rude awakening for me and now I am very happy and my husband is happier because of it. It's not fun when you have to live with someone who is always dragging you down. There are some very good books out there about how to become more of a positive person. Sounds like she has tried though, but like you said, she goes back to the same way again. Give her a diary and tell her to write in it every morning, make a list of all the good positive things in her life and each day focus on one thing throughout the day and be thankful for that one thing. Then at the end of the day, tell her to write how that made her feel. Then she can continue with this till the list is done and maybe she might start adding more things to the list. Also tell her, she's dragging you down and you can't stand it and it makes you not want to be around her and it just might get to the point where your marriage could end up ruined because of it, maybe that will open her eyes. She could try conselling too, maybe she has issues from the past that she has a hard time dealing with, I know I did, but I learned to let go, move on and be happy. Good luck!

Answer 3

Tell her to be thankful for the seven she's got. That's a sight more than none, which is what she'll get if she keeps on like that. Besides ... a bday party isn't exacty a life threatnening issue ... those other friends might have had something IMPORTANT going on ... something that might have been really serious, and couldn't reschedule just to meet her wants.
She also needs to learn the difference between needs and wants. What is really important and what isn't. Stop being so petty.
Count blessings ... start making a habit of looking at the good side. At least she was alive to have the party. Healthy enough to have the party. That she had friends. That they were in turn healthy enough to attend. That she had a good time.

Answer 4

you're her husband, her companion - in thick and thin

i would be pissed off as well if that happened but i am sure i would get over it in a day.

some people just like to pick out the negative things in life. my cousin does that - she can NEVER look at the brighter side of life. always moans about eveyrthing. slow drivers, learners, broken trolleys in tescos, no parking near the shop, queue to the till too long.... WHINGER !!

at the end of the day its like that saying 'you can not change a leopard's spots....'

is she depressed or is she just like that ?

because some people just get into a thinking pattern thats constantly negative and victimising your own self like 'why does this happen to me'

maybe everytime u see someone suffering or someone whose life has serious inadequaties - like starving children in africa, blind people. homeless people, etc the list is too long

you should say things like 'we often dont appreciate what we have, isnt it honey' that may set her thinking .....

the only thing you can do is you need to keep the bright prospective and hope it will rub off on her !

Answer 5

first off she should take into consideration that things happen, young or not that's life. she should be happy that she has you to spent it with friends come and go. as for her being so negative maybe it's something deeper that she's not willing to share with you yet. how long have you known her before you got married? was she always this way? ask yourself these questions. did something happen to you in a positive way that maybe she's feeling intimidated or jealous? dont ignore her feelings, no matter how negative they are love usually finds a way to heal all things so does patience and understanding. so instead of talking to her, let her talk and maybe you'll find out what's wrong.
bonne chance!!

Answer 6

Take her to marriage counseling, she sounds depressed.

Also my best friend invited about 20 people to her birthday party last year, guess who showed up... Her husband and her cousin. 2 out of 20... much worse. Maybe that will make her feel better? I couldn't go because I had just had a baby and had no sitter.
Good luck, pessimism is hard to deal with!

Answer 7

i don't think there is much you can do here, unfortunately. the best you can do is try to impart your knowledge of happiness onto her and if she bites, great. if not, you can continue to try and teach her. start telling her these things: you can't look outside of yourself for happiness. if you rely on people, places, things to make you happy, you never will be because there is always disappointment in the world. we can't control ANYTHING outside of ourselves. so, she needs to figure out how SHE can make herself happy. not you, not her invited friends to the party, etc. when she is unreasonably unhappy, you need to start changing the way you deal with her. when you continue to try to help her, you are in fact helping her avoiding looking at herself. so, next time she reacts with unhappiness at a situation like the b-day party, give her only one piece of your mind if there's one you'd like to share, and remind her that only SHE can ultimately make herself happy and she has a choice. then, you are done having a conversation with her. walk away, leave, whatever, and leave her to her own thoughts. she may grow as a person she may not. at that point that's all you can do.

Answer 8

Being selfish and self centered makes people unhappy. One must learn to be selfless and giving, instead of selfish and taking all the time. Selfish people take, take, take and never get enough and so they are unhappy most of the time. Giving, selfless people get so much more in return they are happy quite often.

Good luck getting a selfish person to see the error of their ways.

Answer 9

hello!!!! it is time fir a reality check here.

She needs a rude awakening. She needs unhappiness right in front of her face. Take her somewhere so that she can witness what true unhappiness looks like.

Let her stop her self pity. She appears to be very selfish. Grow up woman!!!

Answer 10

I'm just curious, is this a new behavior or has she always been like this? It sounds like she needs counseling to learn how to deal with disappointment. What I'm curious about is that if she was always like this did you think marriage would make it better?