Recently, a friend and I were talking about our summer activities. He told me he went on vacation with his ex-wife and their 2 children ages 15 and 17. The ex-wife asked him at the last minute and he said he decided to go because he had not been on a vacation and needed a break.
The brief history is that they divorced because she had multiple affairs and he says they were not compatible. He continually says he wants nothing to do with her after he is finished paying child support and tries to keep things peaceful because he does not want her to request more support. On the other hand he felt that taking a "family" vacation" was a great idea. He admits that the ex-wife feels she made an error in divorcing him. Sometimes he says she is a liar, on the other side he'll say, "we're family".
We had dated in the past and when I asked him why would he go on a vacation with someone who had treated him so poorly, he accused me of being insecure and jealous. Who is really insecure?
2007-10-09 02:53:02 · 17 answers · asked by Ginger 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well first of all if he is dateing someone going on vacation with his x isn't a good idea. Who does that??? Taking your children on vacation is fine but there is a line that shouldn't be crossed if your dating someone else. I would say he probably still has some feelings for his x. Or maybe he is just selfish and just wants the vacation.
2007-10-09 03:04:14 · answer #1 · answered by soccer_mom_cmb_101 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I may have read wrong but you state you guys are only friends and that you dated in the PAST. First off I am happy to hear that there are dads out there willing to get along with their ex for the sake of their children. My now husband and I both have ex's where there were children, we all got together a few times a year. Once a year for a camp out and then again to the beach. Both of our ex's are remarried also and they bring their wives. No matter how you cut it they will always be family. My theory is "If they wanted each other they would still be together!" It does not stop at 18, all our children are now grown and there are weddings, births and so forth where we have to all come together, funny thing my daughter had both her dad and my husband walk her down the isle, it was such an awesome moment. Both of these men played a major roll in her life, she always says she is blessed because she has two moms and two dads ......
2007-10-09 03:21:15 · answer #2 · answered by Celtickarma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's being 100% inappropriate! He has no business continuing on 'like a husband' with his ex -- it's disloyal to you as his true wife. You know something is wrong and you're going to have to give him an ultimatum. He either discontinues his 'friendship' with her or you areleaving the sham of a marriage. Be strong and follow your intuition on this!
2016-05-19 22:28:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If anyone is being insecure it is the guy, he sounds like a man who doesnt know what he wants out of life. I must add that maybe he likes being treated like crap, their are some people out there that have esteem issues and they welcome the person who abused and mistreated them into their lives out of the need to feel secure and comfortable, you see on one hand this guy sees his ex as family and on another hand he gets a dose of reality, so I do believe he is confused. And his ex is just feeding off his co-dependent personality. So in your best interest stay out of this one, it is not your place or business to get involved. You will only drive him away if you drill him over this. It is up to him to see the truth for what if really is, you can tell him till your red in the fact that he is making a mistake with the ex-wife, but he will only see you as the insecure jealous one. So let him learn on his own. PS, I do believe that his ex is using him, but men are stuborn and dont ever want to see the truth till it hits them in the face like a hard frying pan!
2007-10-09 03:06:15 · answer #4 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see no problem with a former couple going on vacation together, assuming the kids were there, as you state. A romantic getaway would be a different story. Good for him for maintaining a peaceful relationship with his ex for the sake of his children ( or himself). It seems to me like the girlfriend is a bit insecure, and needs to realize that this man has a history, and a family before her.
2007-10-09 02:58:01 · answer #5 · answered by Snoopy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you still dating? If not, it is none of your business.
If you are dating, then I would be uncomfortable with it. But, you make the choice to trust of not.
I actually know quite a few people that do this. Family vacations are important to the children. The children should always come first.
Why would he be so defensive? Did you criticize his choice or just simply ask a question?
2007-10-09 03:29:34 · answer #6 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't a question of being insecure but rather one of choices. He made the choice to go on the outing with his ex-wife and if you are smart you will make the choice to have this guy as only a friend and no more than that.
2007-10-09 03:08:19 · answer #7 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's the mother of his children.
Whether you like it or not, they ARE family. And it's wonderful that he went with her and the kids on a vacation. The kids need that.
My husband takes his ex out to dinner sometimes (always with their daughter) and it doesn't bother me, because I know that my step-daughter needs to have time alone with both her parents. It's important that if a couple can't live together, they can at least come together sometimes for the kids. That's their business, and I'm glad they're able to do it.
Don't get involved with someone who has a child if you're not emotionally capable of dealing with all that a step child involves.
2007-10-09 03:00:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have every right to be jealous and not feel secure in this relationship. Don't you just love it when people try to turn the tables on you?!
When they divorced that is when "family vacations" were supposed to end. Otherwise, they should have remained married!
2007-10-09 02:59:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're not insecure for not wanting somebody who is carrying so much baggage around in front of you. If he respected you more, he would not have taken a vacation with her.
Move on and dump this loser.
2007-10-09 03:04:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋