Co-Sleeping?? Yes Or No?

Question

Ok so, I have a 7 1/2 month old that has been sleeping in his own crib since he was 3 weeks old. He is starting to teethe and was having some difficulty going to sleep so I put him in bed with me and WhaLa! He went right to sleep. He has only slept with me about 5 times and he seems to like it. My husband and I both strongly agreed that he should sleep in his own room.
So now, My husband is in Iraq and wont be home until december of 08 (minus the r&r for 2 weeks in Feb for the babys birthday) There is a void in the bed lol so I have room for the baby. Should I let this go on, I know he is only going to be a baby once and I should enjoy every minute of it. He is my pride and joy and everything in it, but if my husband were home he would not be in our bed. I belive a marital bed is a place for a husband and wife to bond and is no place for a baby, but my husband is not here!!!
I nurse too so it makes it easier. Should I be doing this????
Thanks for reading!

It is either him sleep with me or me rock him all night. I dont "let him cry it out" I dont belive in that.

Answer 1

My son was 9 months old when my husband went to Iraq (the second time) and was 21 months old when he returned. He slept in his crib each and every night until I started putting him in bed w/ me after my hubby deployed. I got some negative comments from friends but you know what..... I was the one sleeping alone, not them. About a month before my hubby came home, I slowly transitioned him back to his bed. (We bought a new toddler bed and he "helped" put it together and pick it out so that helped a lot.) And, you know what? It wasn't nearly as hard as I expected it to be. It did take a few weeks but, in my opinion, was well worth it. He now sleeps in his bed 95% of the time and stays there all night long (he's 2 1/2 now).

Answer 2

I've co-slept now with 2 of our 4 children. My son co-slept with us until he was almost 2 but transitioned easily to his own bed. Now we co-sleep with our new baby and plan to transition him sometime in the next year. I also breastfeed and just find it way more convenient, not to mention that I love snuggling with him, plus being able to check on him repeatedly through the night. There are ways to make co-sleeping safe. As for him never leaving your bed until he's 5 that's not necessarily true. You would be surprised at how easy this will be when you buy him a "big boy" bed and let him pick out his own sheets etc.

You will have to decide whether to break the habit before your husband comes home because if you try to break the habit AFTER then the baby may resent your husband kwim? As for whether you should be going against your husband's wishes on this - he's not there to help support you right now so you have to do what works for you. I hope he comes back safely and enjoys his son!

Answer 3

Hi hunny! Let me just offer up my support for you during this difficult time and say how much respect I have for your hubby and you!

First of all, lets put this whole infant/young child thing in perspective. Babies are babies for only a very short time, and I personally believe that co sleeping is a big positive in their life. It allows you to nurse without losing any sleep, and it really strengthens the bond. They really don't stay in your bed forever, I promise! When he is getting to the point where he isn't nursing so much through the night, that is when to start transitioning him into his own "big boy bed" It really doesn't take too long once you've established a routine, kids definitely adjust very quickly.

Secondly, I totally agree with you about the fact that parents need their own bonding time. But you have to realize that intimacy happens on many different levels in a marriage, not just a physical level. That being said, it can take place in any where, at any time. As far as the physical stuff....it certainly doesn't need to be confined to a bed, or confined to night time hours for that matter! Be creative in your quest for "bonding" with your hubby, and your marriage will be stronger for it.

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

cosleeping is a parenting choice - not a bad habit that needs breaking someday.

do what is right for you, as parents we evolve with our children, there is nothing wrong with changing your mind. and husbands and wives can bond in other locations of the home (wink, wink)...
to me it's just a bed - not a marital or a family one.

and under your circumstances, with no help, no relief from daddy... I say whatever keeps your sanity during this time is what is best for the family... and I'm sure your husband will be fine when he comes home and has to be a little creative with the sleeping arrangements... especially if he realizes how and why it changed while he was gone. Keep him posted and it'll be fine.

"No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley is a great book... talks a lot about cosleeping, but does have some great tips on how to do variations on it and how to transition out of it.

We did a home made co-sleeper similar to the Arm's Reach one, by just removing a rail from the crib and rigging the sheets to cover the crease between her matress and mine... I personally think this made the transition easier when it was toddler bed time.

email me for detials on the bed rigging if you'd like!!

Answer 5

I say do it. But be prepared to have a difficult time putting him back in his own bed. My son is 3 1/2 months old ans he's been sleeping in my bed since day 1. I also nurse and it is 1,000 times better waking up in the middle of the night to feed.
This is solely your choice. If you feel it is the best for you, then do it. I say yes, because I love letting my son sleep with me and my boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it.

Answer 6

My son sleeps in our bed with us, and we love it, but sometimes it hard, because we want that time alone, but if your husband is gone, than that is different. But, it can be hard to break them of the habit of sleeping with you when he gets older, and that mey be frustrating once your husband comes home. I say do it, but that is just my opinion, as long as you are ready and able to try and break the cycle later on. But just so you know one thing that I read is at about this age they start going through a stage where they wake up more often at night even if they were already sleeping through the night and that it ussually passes quickly. So maybe try holding out for a little longer before bringing him to bed with you for good.

Answer 7

hi chica, welcome to the club, my husband is also in Iraq right now...Im gonna say if you can keep him in his own crib, do it...its okay to everynow and again let him sleep with you but they become used to it fast, and you will have to try to break him quick when r and r comes and ofcourse when he comes home for good. And trust me he is not going to be cool with getting shoved back in his crib for those time LOL...My boy is now 2 yrs. he has moved to toddler bed and i have started the rule he has to start off in his own bed, if he wakes in the middle of the night and comes into the room i let him crawl in with me, but he has to start in his... I completely understand the empty bed feeling and wanting to fill it with a child...But try to resist as much as possible its best for the both of you in the long run.

Answer 8

in your case probably not. Me and my husband are all for co-sharing with our 14 month old son it is the best and who says you have to have sex in your bed. We have the crib right next to our bed with the front of it off so it's pretty much like an extra big bed. In other countries, many families all sleep together for many years and don't believe in cribs(that they call cages).
If your husband isn't for it and if your baby gets too attatched with sleeping in bed with you and you can't get him to sleep in his own bed by the time your husband is back, you'll have some issues.

Answer 9

As a parent, I agree with you...I don't think the bed is a good place for baby and parents, it takes away private bonding time that couples really need, especially when kids enter the picture.

But with your husband leaving for Iraq (bless him), it does leave that void. If I were in your position, I would split the time up with the baby. Have the baby sleep in his crib say during the week, then on Friday-Sunday have him sleep with you. You don't want the baby to get so used to sleeping in bed with you because when hubby comes home,there will be heck to pay trying to change the baby's sleeping pattern he would be so used to having. By then, he might actually be scared to sleep in a room by himself.

So, split it up half in your room and half with the baby in his room...hope that helps!! Best wishes!!

Answer 10

There have been numerous studies that show the benefits of co-sleeping in a safe manner, and many of the benefits extend into adulthood. One study specifically on children of military families found less mental illness in adults who co-slept.

However I can't answer whether it is right for you or your family, and of course I can't predict whether your son would be sleeping in his own room in December of 08 regardless of what you do now. Whether you co-sleep or not once a toddler moves to a toddler bed they have a tendency to end up in mommy and daddy's bed. This has nothing to do with having ever co-slept -of course co-sleeping is always blamed. But if it were really caused by co-sleeping toddlers who had never co-slept would not have that problem or at least much less than their previously co-sleeping peers.