Don't bash me and tell me to leave-this questions is for women who have been through an affair and either tried to work it out or are currently still together. How long was it before you actually feel back in love? When do you stop thinking about it every single freakin day? They say an affair can actually make you marriage stronger, do you find that is true? Or do you feel that your marriage isn't as good as it once was? And last but not least, how many of you tried and gave up and left? How long was it befor eyou decided to quit trying?
2007-10-09 01:22:41 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm going through an affair as we speak! Gosh, it's so hard too! I've known now for 4 months and have isolated him from my life. I'm still stuck at;: thinking about it every single freakin day!
Best of luck to you!
2007-10-09 01:59:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it depends on the reasoning behind the affair. do you love the spouse? did you find the attention enjoyable? do you feel your spouse no longer loves you? i can answer all of that and then some yes i loved my husband (i had the affair) yes i found the attention exciting and enjoyable. and yes i felt my spouse wasn't paying attention to me as he was the TV and the beer can. Do i regret the affair NO i don't. does that make me a bad person? no I really don't think so. when he found out (yes I got caught) (OUCH) we had a big row but for the first time we sat and talked about the why and how we could make the marriage better, so yes it can make the marriage stronger. his first marriage ended because she cheated I was very lucky and giving a second chance and to answer Sonia NOT everyone cheats twice, once was enough. We both have grown up a lot since this has happened (1992) and we are still married and are very deeply in love stronger and better with GOD Give the credit where it is due! (for it to work it depends on the person and you know them better than anyone and how they would react to the spouse and an affair.)
2007-10-09 08:51:10 · answer #2 · answered by Lynn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well im going through it now. It was 2 month ago when i found out my husband had been cheating on me for 9 months. He ended it with her and thats how i found out cos she came and told me. I kicked him out that night and believe it or not i took him back the next night after a lot of crying (on both parts) and a lot of grovelling from him and all my questions answered. It was only 2 month ago this happened and to answer u r questions i never fell out of love with him and still love him more than anything. Which is prob one of the reasons i want my 8 year marriage to work. I dont stop thinking about it, it was every day at first but now its maybe a couple of times a week so i think it will get better with time, and yes i do still cry when i think about it. I do think that it will make us stronger and i think it has already we talk more now (i know its still early days) and our sex life has never been so good. (Strange eh lol?) So yeh apart from me down days i have i think that i can do it, i sit here thinking through the day when he is at work "am i making a mistake can i do it?" then when he gets home i feel all warm and glad to see him and give him a big hug. I know to many of you this might sound weird but i really want it to work and i think if you love someone that much and they prove to you how much they love you and how sorry they are then it can. Hope this helps and didnt blabber on to much lol good luck and if u want to talk to me u can. tc xxx Oh and one more thing he knows what he nearly lost and knows that i would be straight for a divorce if it ever happened again. This is not his second chance, its his last!
2007-10-09 08:56:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A. I dont know who told you an affair can make your marriage stronger but I would suggest that person step away from what ever medication they are on and start living in the real world.
My husband cheated on me and for 18 month's I tried to get over it , I tried to forgive him and forget and just focus on our love or my love for him mostly , he didnt try and make amends , he never said sorry , all he could say was he remembered he'd had sex with her but had no idea on the time frame like he'd just forgotten if it had happened or not funny huh.
I tried not to get angry and throw it in his face everytime we disagreed about thing's I felt like I was dying inside , I blamed myself at 1st then realised it wasnt my fault , I'd been available for him sexually , emotionally , I was a good wife listened to him when he needed to speak or vent about work or his family everything I did was the way a wife should be towards her husband , his sex drive was always low once a week or once every 2 weeks , so the fact he found the ability to have sex with her confused me.
But anyways , no you will not fall back in love with him for a very long time and you will never forget or forgive no matter how much you try to convince yourself you can.The emotional battle will destroy you eventually and he'll just go and find someone to fill the void you are going through that is keeping you at a distance from him , you may not want to hear just leave but honey if you dont it's going to get very bad if you have kids they deserve better.
2007-10-09 08:44:26 · answer #4 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
until other people have walked a mile in your shoes.....no one has the right to bash you , the only person that should be judging you on this matter is you , don't be to hard on yourself , you are human being after all but by reflecting on this it's going "force " yourself to be honest with yourself as why it happened . I don't know if you are ever going to stop thinking about this ,( I know I don't ) it's always some thing that will be with you and it doesn't make you a bad person either ......as for it making your marriage stronger that's some thing you are going to have to discuss with your partner , if you aren't happy then you might want to make some life altering decisions .
2007-10-09 09:03:11 · answer #5 · answered by maryl_a 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's been hard for me to continue with my marriage we were roommate instead of husband and wife he was have an affair with my best friend and it killed me to later for me to do the same to him and ended up with heart ack and pain
my marriage failed there was nothing holding it together me nor the kids could go on his affair was in July and November i left only cuz i need time to get my thing together and if i could of left the night i found out i would of left...
this was his second affair...so nothing wasn't going to save it
2007-10-09 08:37:35 · answer #6 · answered by shayhi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, get it out of your mind that 'Once a cheater, always a cheater'; easy words for bitter people to spout from their mouths. It is your life and it is your choice how to proceed; you see, the 'ball is in your court' right now as you have the chance to either walk away or make your marriage stronger.
You see, there are many reasons (excuses) for someone cheating and most of them have nothing at all to do with the cheated on spouse. It is usually a temptation, an want, an urge and a huge mistake in judgement by the cheating spouse. Believe if many of them knew, beforehand, how devistating it is to their partner and the days and months and sometimes years of pain it causes, they would never cheat in the first place.
All I can rely on is my own personal situation. He cheated over a year ago - he was remorseful, sorry, the whole bit. Problem is you can't take it back; no matter if one or both of you wish to do so.
Yes - you can have a wonderful, loving and trusting relationship again. Yes - it can make you stronger in the knowledge that you both almost lost what meant most to you in your life. It can make it stronger in the fact you do not take each others love for granted. Sometimes it is an 'eye-opener' and couples sincerely and truthfully communicate with each other, without fear of blame or angry words. You have the right to let out your anger at him; tell him exactly how you feel, exactly how hurt you are and how much it has devistated your soul; as you trusted him and you are afraid to trust again; as you may be hurt. He must show you in every word and deed that he is sorry, he loves you, he is supportive of your up and down moods and emotions. He must shower you with affection and reassurance of his ability to be the man you once thought he was. He must earn your trust back and that takes much time. But it can be done; I know it; I've been through it. I see the hurt in his face for what he cannot change, the shame and remorse. But, he must live with that; I was only able to heal myself and only after he showed me that he could be trusted again.
So...my advise is to talk, get it all out and then sit down and tell each other that you are starting, from this day forward and concentrate on today and the future. Dwelling on the negativity of the past will only hurt you more. You will have images and thoughts pop into your mind; it can't be helped. You'll hear a song that once meant nothing to you but now it will bring tears to your eyes. It is all normal and proof of the deep love you have for him. If your husband is showing you that he has made a huge mistake and will never ever do so again, then it is worth the effort to rebuild. I never fell out of love with him, nor he I. Instead of running away from each other, we held each other tight and vowed to never let something like this happen again. That old saying 'today is the first day of the rest of your life' can be applied. Today is brand new - a new beginning and if your goal, together, is to have the most wonderful, loving, trusting and honest relationship, then it will happen.
So - I was devistated for about 7 months. After that it all started to be part of a memory of the past and today I very seldom think about it at all. We redid our vows, just the two of us and we wrote them, from the heart. That helped a lot. You will stop thinking about it, in time. No you won't forget, but perhaps that is good as no matter what anyone thinks or says, we are all vulnerable to infidelity and those who think they are not usually are the ones who aren't prepared to deal with their emotions and have an affair; it catches them by surprise.
Write your thoughts down in a journal; it will help and do talk to him about it all. He needs to be there for you; he created this 'she-monster' who is up and down and smiling and crying; it all comes with the territory. When you start thinking negatively; remember his eyes, his face and how he is looking at your right now; see beyond his stupid, foolish actions and you will know what is best for you.
Good luck. I know many will not like what I am saying, but then, some of us have enough love within us to understand, heal and go on. I love my hubby so much; he is good to me and I to him. We cried together, arms wrapped around each other, clutching to one another and so sad and afraid we would lose our marriage. He felt I would leave and I did not trust him - now he knows I'm not going anywhere and I trust him again. Not all men are serial cheaters and many would take back their infidelity, in a split second, had they known the outcome of it all. Please go to www.marriagebuilders.com; it is an excellent source of information and many others are where you are at right now. They are honest and suppportive; not bitter and judging. All the luck in the world to you and your man. But you will make it.
2007-10-09 09:30:30 · answer #7 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 10yrs and my ex cheated and abused me and mentally abused me.How can you not think about it every day.Cheating is a lack of loyalty and respect to the other.It means the person who cheats had no balls to stand up and say i'm not happy.They are weak minded people.
2007-10-09 08:47:13 · answer #8 · answered by lollypop 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my x cheated....I kicked him out the same day I found out. Not because I didn't love him but, because he didn't give any thought to bring home an std to me the woman who he said he loved. I wouldn't do that to anyone and I wouldn't want anyone to do it to me. You know how embarrassing it is to have to go to the doctor and say I need tested for.....?
2007-10-09 08:28:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
once a cheat always a cheat
2007-10-09 08:34:00 · answer #10 · answered by Perfectionist 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋