I was involved with someone who i felt was abusive to me. Mentally and verbally. This guy would withhold money from me as a form of control/power over me. Im talking small money. Any little bit of money he would make me beg for. So i started making my own money, left and now hes become out of control. He is spreading rumors, sick rumors around about me. Personal things 'made up' yet involving myself and my family, telling people that i make my money through sexual means yet everyone knows what i do, 'most people', i now make a lot more than he does and am well off. He knows this and is going to incredible lengths to harrass me. Trying to get in touch and make up and bully me at the same time. Why is he doing this?
2007-10-08 21:31:17 · 14 answers · asked by v 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By your description this guy is very insecure. As a result, he hides his insecurity by trying to control others. I have an Aunt who is in a marriage that is similiar to this. If she isn't home at exactly the time she said she was he goes nuts. He calls her names. Etc Etc. There is a lack of trust on the husbands side. If he trusted her he would not care if she was a little late, or care if they had joint accounts which they both decided what is a good budget for both of them to spend.
The problem is he realizes that he is at the verge of not being able to control you anymore. He will slander your name till no end. Hoping that you will get into a fight with him. He will manipulate the conversation then will make you feel bad for saying something that "offended" him. Thus, creating a situation that you are in need of his forgiveness, not the other way around (which is a bunch of bull, he should be asking for your forgiveness).
One word of wisdom, this deep of a controlling personality takes years to change. And that is if the person wants to change in the first place.
2007-10-08 21:56:04 · answer #1 · answered by Nate and Kris 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know many people that are and probably still in relationships that do more harm than anything. First, I have to give you some props for leaving the relationship. Not many girls have the guts to do such a thing.
This guy have some serious issues. With his kind of mentality, it only shows that he is absolutely insecure and have no self esteem. Throughout his life, he either was a bully or someone that was never seen as a leader, that's why he is so controlling. He'll control anything he can get his hands on, even if that's the person he's suppose to see as his other half, not someone below him. When you left him, that was a major blow to his ego. To mend that bruised ego of his, he goes and say some nasty things about you to anybody who's willing to listen. He's going to continue to harrass you until he finds someone else to bully. If he continue to spread rumors, just ignore it. I always told my friends or people I know that if they know who I am, then they already know the truth. Those who rather listen to lies are no friend of mine. Just keep that in mind. If he continues to harrass you, it's best you get a restraining order. Guys like him who underminds you have no problem beating a girl up. Don't let him get to that point.
Be safe and I wish you well.
2007-10-08 22:13:31 · answer #2 · answered by mymymissmai 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He can't let you go. But it doesnt' matter **WHY** he is doing that, he will keep doing and keep doing it and there isn't much you can do towards him, but yes towards you like you alerady did and congratulations for that. Keep doing what you are doing, you are in the best possible road, concentrating in your life, your future, your goals and leave someone who was doing that to you.
It's sad that they use money to control and make another person beg, I gave at some point a loan to a partner without asking for a signature and that was my mistake, I didn't beg, she as controlling and that was the road she was trying to make me go, just like your partner. I had to let everything go and concentrate in my life, just like you did. I didn't have what you are going through, once the relationship was over things stopped there and no words from the money except words to just play like a kid jumping and happy "I've got the candy, you don't have it".
Be happy that the relationship is over and that life now is much better, there isn't much you can do with this kind of person, they exist, just try to not to meet them again, learn from your experience. In my case is the money, my efforts that were wasted and someone took them, in your case someone who after the relationship is causing problems.
It will be so much better if they let us go and if they would be over us right? lol. It seems we were way too much for them, and that's what you were, he can't let you go.
2007-10-08 23:04:43 · answer #3 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its another form of him trying to control you. You are now thankfully out of his grasp and this is his pathetic last attempt to show you he is in control of at least what people think of your new found luck.
As it is most people know that you have worked hard, which means most people will think he is a pathetic loser, but if he continues and it really starts getting to you i would speak to a solicitor as he is slandering you. But i really think the best way to deal with it is to laugh at how feeble he is.
Next time he tries to get back with you i would just laugh at him and say you are well over him and dont want to hear from him again.
2007-10-08 21:36:22 · answer #4 · answered by plucknhammer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have ground to go to the police and file a complaint against him.
That should help him get his acts together.
Well done on you for walking out. You're strong. Well done!xxx
2007-10-08 22:10:49 · answer #5 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because he is crazy.
Call the police and file a restraining order.
You can also take him to court for slander.
Stop him now or this will get very out of control.
It sounds like this guy could kill you.
2007-10-08 21:35:23 · answer #6 · answered by carlottavaldez007 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
first of all you need to get a restraining order. and 2 he is just jeolous of you not needining is money. he is control freak and with him not having control he may need smoe real intensive counselling something bad may have happen to him
2007-10-08 21:57:15 · answer #7 · answered by Dawn S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to get his power back over you.
Just ignore him and he will eventually go away.
2007-10-08 21:34:53 · answer #8 · answered by savoryjawbox 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Because he has problems that go much deeper than your relationship. Severe all ties - ignore his petty gossiping.
2007-10-08 21:36:15 · answer #9 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why do you allow him to be relevant to you in your mind?
Why haven't you pursued a lawsuit against him for slander?
Is he a War Criminal?
2007-10-08 21:34:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋