please help me to move on..im a battered wife emotionaly abvious,i feel so down i left nothing to my self,i used to understand him everytime he make mistakes even in his betrayal i forgive him but i cant be with him anymore i feel so empty...all i want is to move on with my past relationship,but one thing that always remind him is our 1 child every time i saw her i remember him.how can i move on incase?please help me!thanks to all!
2007-10-08 20:54:30 · 13 answers · asked by Casey25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dear Casey,
your child, your girl is the extension of you, value this fact and try not to mix things. I'm sure when your life will be changed by another man, you will start seeing things from the different point of view.
You are a very strong person, if you could understand and forgive! That's the greatest steps the most strong people simply can't take, but you did. You are a very good mother as you wanted to save the family, you are a very responsible person, responsible first of all for your extension, for your child. She is your treasure and the one, who will always be near to support and help in the future. Don't blame yourself in anything, all you did was right.
People are all different and there are many of them, who simply can't see the truth and can't value the true feelings and love. These people follow their own ways and usually at the end they understand what they lost, and the most terrible thing for them - they can't turn things back. they can't change anything - it is their punishment and lesson.
Be strong and wise, treat your life as a diamond!!!
*
2007-10-08 21:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by (✿◡‿◡✿) 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should seek help, counselling or a psychologist.
This is a bigger issue than can be answered in an internet forum, but you need to find a way to take pride and joy in your child without it reminding you of him.
If I was you I would focus on my child and be a proud and good parent. Do the best you can for her, and envetually you will have your self esteem and pride back, but it will take time.
Embrace and accept that it will take time, don't fight it. I was in a similar situation with my ex, emotionally abusive and totally disrespected for five years, and of course she left me, after we bought a house and got engaged. I've got nothing, lost my business as a result, and I'm on SS disabilty becasue I'm so messed up. I can only take it day by day. You need to as well, find joy and pride in simple things, over time you will become you again.
But the best thing I can say is get some kind of help in understanding the situation and what you can do to feel better and regain your sense of pride and self esteem.
2007-10-09 04:03:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only real option you have right now is to get counseling. I know, you don't want to be known as "the crazy mother" - but if you truly care about your child's welfare, go get the counseling you need. In most cases, it is frre to those in your circumstances, so you will not be paying a lot of money for it. Contact your local Family Services for the information you need, they should be listed in the phone book.
The only other options I can think of right now - and I tell you now that neither one is a good one - is to give your daughter up to adoption or let your ex have full custody of her.
If you want to be able to hug your daughter every day, get the counseling.
2007-10-09 04:04:26 · answer #3 · answered by archerdude 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello Casey, 25. I'm sorry to hear that you just broke up with your husband and you're now a single parent of a young precioius little girl. Remember that little girl did not ask to be born and she deserves all of your love and affection and attention. Please! Don't take it out on her all of the battering and abuse he did to you. Just because she may resemble him in a way, doesn't mean you should hold this against her. You and him used to be in love and that's why you made this baby together. Would he be willing to go for counselling with you and therapy for himself to improve his ways? IF he's not then just be strong and brave and forget about such a dirty dog like him. Men like him women don't need and shouldn't want either. The best thing for you to do now is to get over him in time, take good care of your baby and then when you're ready, find a good man to be with. Try not to choose another BAD man like him. Please! For the baby's sake and for your sanity, do the right thing! Love and Peace and Happiness is wished for you and your daughter now from me. :)
2007-10-09 04:06:54 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on with your kid & be glad their not subjected to the crap anymore. Last thing you want, is your kid thinking that behavior was ok & lower their esteem or cause them to be violent also. See others that have been there, & quit sniveling about the empty feeling. You're free of it, stay that way, because it won't take you long to remember why ya left, & ya may not get out the next time. Your kid has nothing to do with your memories of him, so get past that damaging issue.
2007-10-09 04:03:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he want the custody of his child? If not try to think of your child as the only good thing that came from this failed marriage. Get yourself involved with close friend whom you can discreetly talk to and share your hurt feelings with or see a professional counselor to help you with your emotional pain of losing a loved one. Stop hoping for reconciliation with your ex-husband if he was abusive to you in any way because it will only prolong the pain of being away from him. Distance yourself from him by breaking all telephone contacts with him that do not involve your child, if he is to be entitled to parental visitation rights. See a good attorney to insure that you get custody and child support if custody is your desire. Make plans for stress-free activities for yourself at some point in time every day. Catch up with friends whom you lost contact with after your marriage and renew your friendships. Find activities you and your child can do together to make sure she is not suffering in silence without your maternal support. Time heals all wounds. Best wishes.
2007-10-09 04:15:00 · answer #6 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The hardest thing, as they say it, is to forgive him. You haven't forgiven him that's why when you see your child you remember him. One more thing is that you have to tell your self that the child doesn't have any fault and she is a different idendity separate from your husband. Subconsciously, you have set your mind that you hate everything that is connected to your husband including your child. Basically, because you were hurt very much. Learn to love your child because she is a different being apart from your husband and that she deserve your love no matter what happen, that it is not her fault that your husband is her father. Learn to forgive. Ask HIS guidance. The one up above.
2007-10-09 04:22:59 · answer #7 · answered by yamier 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not your daughter's fault her father was a *******. You should look at your daughter and remember why you left was to protect her and yourself. She may be the only good that came from your marriage. Remember she loves you and needs you to be there for her this is a hard time for her to. But you have done the right thing and that took alot of strength that was the hard part.
2007-10-09 04:02:03 · answer #8 · answered by robert h 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well it wont be easy that's for sure, but when you look at your child remember the love you both had for each other at the time and think too yourself..."It wasn't all bad" we made this little miracle and that's something you can both be proud of....... And as for him hopefully he gets the help he needs and you do the right thing for all concerned and leave.... P.s leave the past behind you and look forward to a brighter future........
2007-10-13 03:36:55 · answer #9 · answered by thundercloud66 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to talk to a domestic violence center. They'll get you counseling. You may miss the drama or the good times. You need to stay away for the sake of your child, so that she doesn't learn this and have it in her life later. Do you want your child to learn that being hit means being loved?
2007-10-09 03:57:48 · answer #10 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋