Sometimes my husband makes me furious, am I overreacting?

Question

Background: Married 8 years, 2 daughters (6+7 years old), I moved 3932 miles to be with him, now live in a foreign country.
This morning was just not a good morning. My oldest daughter is home sick with acute tonsillitis which sparked an argument between my husband and I.
I never nag to my husband or ask him for much of anything. Every morning I make sure everyone is ready on time. I lay out my daughters' clothes for school, make sure both their school bags are packed, make everyone (including my husband) lunch for their lunchboxes, make breakfast, get everyone up and out the door, etc.
My husband has the habit of getting out of bed late, despite me telling him to get up 5 times. Then he blames me!
The only thing I ask of him is to drop our daughters off at school because it is on his way to work. He acts like he should be rewarded Father of the Year for this one act.
Well this morning, I dared to ask him to do one more favor for me. Continued...

I asked him to call the school to tell them that our oldest couldn't come in for the rest of the week. I didn't know the medical phrases in our local language (his native language) so, to avoid confusion, I asked him to do it. I also asked him to tell my daughter's teacher that I would pick up her homework on Wednesday. Both of my daughters have different schedules at school and the only time they would both get out at the same time would be on Wednesday. So, that was the ONLY day that I would be at the school to pick up my other daughter at the same time that my oldest daughter's class would let out.
One SIMPLE request, one SIMPLE phone call. He tried to get out of it! He acted like it was such a huge hassle to him. After much pushing, he finally did it.
Then he gets off the phone and tells me that her teacher said to come on Thursday to pick up the homework. I explained to him once more that I wouldn't be able to do that. Continued...

My youngest daughter's class lets out one hour before my oldest daughter's class does on Thursday. Which would mean that I would have to walk to school to pick up our younger daughter, come home, drag my youngest daughter and my sick daughter back to school one hour later to pick up the homework. NOT possible.
He said it was MY problem! Then he said he was going to be late for work (my fault of course!) and left. Now I am so furious at him that I could scream. He always puts me in these predicaments and then blames me when something goes wrong. I have enough to worry about with a sick daughter at home then to be worrying about picking up some homework. Grrrr...am I overreacting? Thanks!

az_mommm these are surely not stupid things to overreact about. Where I live, if a parent does NOT call the school and offer a decent explanation to why their child is home sick then the school is required to call the police.
Maybe you didn't catch the part that I live in a different country from my native one. I know how to speak the language but, I know nothing when it comes to medical language. Which is why I would not be able to offer a decent explanation to the school and then the police would be knocking at my door.
Also, you really believe that just because someone is a housewife then it means they are 100% responsible for everything? I didn't make these children alone and he should have to have at least some sort of responsibility for them. I don't think asking him to drop them off for school on his way to work and calling the school when our daughter is sick is too much to ask for. Afterall, he is their father.
He works from 8:00 am to 4:30 pm Monday-Friday. Continued...

I work 24 hours a day, everyday, including holidays.
I was not complaining this morning after only getting 2 hours of sleep last night. I was the one that stayed up all night with our daughter because she had a fever and was having bad dreams.
I'm the one who does all the laundry, cleans, cooks, takes out the garbage, helps everyone with their homework, takes care of all the pets, plays games with our daughters, reads to them, makes sure everyone has everything in order (including things for him!). I wash his clothes, I cook his meals, I remind him to pay certain bills, I wake him up every morning, I pack his lunch for work, I make sure he has his cell phone, wallet, and keys, I even cut his hair for him!
All I asked was for him to make ONE phone call and to arrange a time that was convenient for me to pick up our daughter's homework. That's it. To me, it was NOT too much to ask for in the least bit.

Answer 1

Nope, not overreacting, but I do think this is a classic case of teaching someone how to treat you. It's one thing to spoil/cater to your husband knowing that he usually appreciates and acknowledges your efforts. In this case, though, it sounds like the more you do, the less he sees you as an equal. You're supposed to be a team - if he only has time for his stuff, then let him handle it. He can get himself out of bed, make his own breakfast and pack his own lunch for a change. If you don't want a confrontation about it, then just start working slower "sorry honey, no time to make your lunch today - you'll have to do it. I've got to call the school and try to translate why Sally won't be there today". He'll either offer to call for you, or fix his own lunch. Either way...

Answer 2

I would be upset also.
Could they have her work waiting in the office so that you wont have to make 2 trips to the school? If not when you go pick up your youngest go ahead and go to the class and get her work so you wont have to make the 2nd trip.
It probably isn't intentional on his part, he is just so use to you taking care of everything. You might try doing some of the task you mentioned the night before so you aren't so rushed in the mornings. You could set out the girls clothes the night before and make sure their school bags are ready the night before. Depending on what they are taking for lunch you could make their lunches ahead of time also that way all you have to do is put it in their lunchboxes in the morning. That will make your mornings a little less chaotic, hopefully.

Answer 3

No you are not overreacting but it sounds like he is a bit stressed too. It may be work, etc. Men are just not as open as women about their feelings. Don't you think you should be talking to him instead of us? He is your husband. You both need to have better communication going on. It sounds like everyday stresses are becoming overwhelming. You need to talk to each other before it turns into a shouting match. Express your feelings openly and in turn let him do the same and try to work things out. Marriage is definitely not easy but just remember WHY you got married in the first place. It may bring the fuzzy feelings back! Good luck!

Answer 4

So I take it you are at home all day taking care of the children? If so, these things are your job. You are home and your husband is supporting you. He is doing his job by going out to work to take care of you. Your job is to take care of the kids, the house, and things like that. This is just a stupid thing to get all worked up over. I'm sure you could call the school and make other arrangements for getting her homework. There is a solution, you just have to think and find it.

Answer 5

I would leave him - that's me. I expect to be treated with respect and I expect that marriage is a partnership with equality. I would not accept his anger because he chose to sleep in and was late for work. I would not accept his anger that our child was ill and now he is needed to contact the school - since you don't speak the language.

I wouldn't rant, I'd lay it all on the line. Love is a two-way street and respect is part of the package. You are a wife and mother, not a hired nanny and maid to ensure that people are up, dressed, fed and out the door on time.

I'd also take a language class so that I could speak the language without having to rely on my husband.

So in answer to your question - no I don't think you are overreacting, I think you are underreacting actually.

Answer 6

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I believe you are justified in this.
Men/husbands tend to forget that we and our job's as mothers and housewives and wives and all that is equally important as their simple role and they take us for granted.
I suggest you "forget" to wake him up one morning and another day "forget" (or all week) to make his lunch and tell him that it's way too much of a hassle for you. Don't give him any other reasons than that.
I know that's vindictive, but I don't know what else you could do, unless nagging for once does it instead.

I cannot tolerate ungrateful people! Especially when asking them to do something so simple is like the end of the world for them!!

Really, I wish you the best of luck with this!

Answer 7

No you are not over reacting,your husband needs a good wake up call (sorry wasn,t meant to be funny) Tell him if he doesn,t pull his socks up,you are going to visit your rellies on your own and he can organize time off to be with the girls.See what happens then.

Answer 8

sounds like hes just gotten used to you doing everything and takes it for granted. sit him down and tell him that things are either going to change smoothly, or they are going to change in the most uncomfortable way possible for him, and youll make his life a living hell unless he complies.

be strong and take a firm hand, but more than that, you really need to make sure he understands it's serious. i guess if its that bad you could threaten to separate from him cuz youre sick of cleaning up his crap and doing more than your share of the work. just dont bother waking him up anymore or anything like that, and tell him to deal with it

Answer 9

Hi dear arrange for school vehicle to pick and drop your daughters.please if you want to stay peacefully dont mess with him.stop requesting him.dont do all the work alone distribute it to your children slowly they will join you .u wont feel furious for what ur husband says just ignore him if u r free at home try to earn so u have a goal and u dont have to depend financially atleast for ur personal demands!!!!!!!!!

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Answer 10

You are not overreacting. I would tell him that he is to get himself up from now on. If he is late let him deal with the consequences. He sounds selfish and self centered. I feel for you.