How to get husband to spend less time on the computer and more time with me?

Question

We are recently married and he just spent a lot of money on a new computer. Now he spends up to 5 hours at a time playing his game. He spends most of the weekend on the computer. Whenever I even try to interrupt him he becomes frustrated. I feel incredibly left out and ignored. Last night he had been playing and I told him to come to bed which he said he would he was just going to turn off the computer and I waited for him for an hour before falling asleep.

I'm out of ideas. I've asked him if I could play too. I've already tried the 'standing there naked' thing but it only works temporarily haha. I've tried ignoring it and I've tried doing other things and getting out more myself but the truth is I really just want to spend time with him. I miss him. But I know its important to him and he enjoys his time on it. I feel selfish and foolish for being jealous of a computer.

Any creative ideas or personal experience advice would be helpful and greatly appreciated. Thanks :)

Answer 1

why dont you try restricting his time on the computer or allocating him time. Just sit down with him and explain how you are feeling and say i dont mind you on the comp however can you only spend an hour a day from 10-11 or some time where you know you will be busy with other things anyway. Hope that helps

Answer 2

Bless you, Kris, you have really got yourself between a rock and a hard place. The truth is He has a new lover, it's the computer. You've addressed from as many loving and creative angles as possible, but I believe you need to confront the issue that He is expending all his energies on the computer and not enough quality and quantity time with you. Tell him you are serious about needing him to at least spend an hour or two with you first when you come together after work. How do you think he may best hear this? In a note? Or maybe give him a romantic candlelight dinner invitation for just the TWO of you together alone. Let him know you need to spend this kind of time together daily just like a plant needs water and sunshine and plenty of attention, so you need that special attention too. You need to be firm in stating that your marriage is being compromised -- attacked even by his neglect. It may sound sharp, but it is true nonetheless. Try and state it in a way that does not sound whiny or plea bargaining. You just need him to understand his spending so much time on the computer is a true threat to
an intimate marriage that you long for with him. You really don't need to have the computer there to get you close!!

God bless you both. Maybe go out to dinner, etc.

Answer 3

Well, marriage is the very special thing and it needs to be worked at. YOu need to have a very serious dialog (communication) with him and tell him the truth about how you feel, this could end up in a divorce, eternal marriage problems and he could get addicted. Suggest to him that you need to take a walk after dinner or before dinner, in which way he might get tired and want to go to bed earlier. Suggest to him something interesting that happened during the day, probably you are not too much of a person that talks much or find something interesting for him to listen to. You need to get deeper into his interests and find the right thing to speak about. If things get too out of hand you need to warn him about his eye-sight getting effected by the constant use of the computer, specially games, cause the contrast is not good for close distance and long hours of play. Interrupt him by asking if he needs a cup of tea and try getting him out of the chair to the kitcher/pantry while making the tea and delay in doing so, so that you may get him to break this habit of being a computer addict.

Answer 4

Ok lets touch base with some of your feelings before dealing with the hubby...

Why do you care if he is on the computer? Do you have friends hobbies etc? are you a stay at home mom? If you are you have time to use the computer while he works and he has no time therefore he makes up for it. (This fades with time be patient). If this is not the case and he is being what I like to call "a piggie with the puter" then you need to be more assertive and tell him its not healthy to be on the computer so much so you both have to come to an agreement to the amount of time you are on.

If you are the one being selfish then sweetie you are going to have to be patient and put yourself aside. Let him take the time he needs to unwind on the computer.

If he is doing the cyber porn thing then you have a bigger problem. Talk to each other let him know your feelings don't hide them and try to work together to find a solution.
Patience is going to be Key...

Answer 5

Don't feel selfish, you need a little time too.

If you feel he loves you and there is not some other issue, you need to reach him becasue his obsession could harm your marriage. If there is a time when you are together away from the computer, try and talk to him, let him know that you respect his hobby, or his need to play on the computer, but you need more time/attention as well. Try not to make it one or the other, or appear as if you are jealous or feel you are competing with the computer. Let him know you respect his desires, but that there needs to be some time set aside for your relationship, don't make it all about you, make it the relationship/marriage that needs more attention. All relationships need mutual work and attention, if he's at all reasonable he should understand this.

And BTW way the naked thing doesn't always work and can make you feel worse when it doesn't. You shouldn't mix the two, he may desire you physically, but not at that time, and then you feel even worse and it creates more problems.

Answer 6

wow I was going to say the naked thing but it sounds like he is way to in to the game to care. I would try something with the naked theme or unplugging the computer. I don't know what will work you have tried a lot and it is not working so... prevent him from playing the game some how hid the disk remove a piece of the computer so he can not play and force him to spend a night with you.

Answer 7

I actually read today that most americans DO indeed spend more time with their PC's than they do with their significant others. The torrent of the media is actually taking over personal lives, and you aren't the only one going through this.

But if it's to the point where you're feeling sad because of it--it probably isn't healthy that he's spending so much time on this game. Do you have any hobbies you could focus on in the meantime? Or maybe you two should consider marriage counseling.

Answer 8

If this game is online you could prehaps get a limited amount of internet usage that means 'sacrifices will have to be made' or if it is a CD could it 'accidently get a scratch?' Do you have a dog or cat? Or a sharp fingernail? If you dont want to these you could always just tell him what you think and about wanting to spend more time with him. Im sure he is just really hooked on getting to a level or somthing....maybe when he finishes it he might be sick of it? And by the way, do not feel foolish because he is the fool who prefers computer games over you-naked! Can a computer kiss him? Feed him? er....marry him? No. =)

Answer 9

You shouldn't feel selfish if he has been spending ALL that time on the computer and not with his newlywed wife..........How about unpluging his computer? No, but seriously, try this..........let him know exactly how you're feeling, the hurt and that you miss him, but do it through a nice Email perhaps a E-Greeting? Or you could make a Powerpoint/Word presentation of the things you used to do together and enjoyed. Give it to him on a CD. Do you get the idea?

Answer 10

As a husband that loves the computer, mostly for preparing for school lessons, I can tell you that the sex thing works 100 percent of the time. Really, make him so tired that he'll hardly have time to go on there to do his stocks. It really works. If he's sitting down and won't move, try the reach around. Soon enough, there will be dust on the computer from under usage.

Also, don't force or yell at him. Next time he wants to do something like go to the movies or eat out say no.