I keep flirting with the idea that he never will. I gave him a few ultimatiums, but he always has excuses. Yet when we're together, its like he and I are the only 2 on the planet. Nothing else matters and I lose myself in him....I can tell it's just as intense for him, yet I want committment...Will I get it anytime soon???
2007-10-08 18:10:11 · 32 answers · asked by 2much_luvin' 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
when a man is married, the affair is all about the sex. it may look like love, it may feel like love, it may act like love, but it is all a substitute. it is a facade, with one thing as a goal: sex. and you give it to him because you are fooled into thinking it's something more. will he leave? no. why should he? he has everything he wants: the wife at home to take care of the bulk of his life (the reaal parts) and the mistress on the side to take care of the rest (the fantasy). what on earth could you be getting out of this? leave, don't look back, your heart will hurt but it WILL really truly mend, make yourself available for the single man who is waiting to fall in love with you. he's out there and you deserve to be able to find him. the one you're with is not it.
2007-10-08 18:23:04 · answer #1 · answered by sleepycatz1972 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you will not get committment! Obviously he is married to her and just has you there as a fling! What you need to do is kick him to the curb because he isnt going to leave her! Isnt it obvious? you have given him ultimatiums, and still he continues with the b/s excuses? Honey you deserve better than that. he is enjoying his cake and eating it too. He LOVES his wife, hes not going to leave her.. He might just be bored with her, but isnt planning on leaving her. He has proved toyou that she comes before you. If he cared about you and your feelings he would have left her and singed the divorce papers a long time ago, but I see he doesnt plan on doing it any time soon... SOOOOOO go find a man that doesnt have baggage. Is there kids involved? if there is you know that he really isnt going to leave her for you! Imagine if he did, what type of man leaves a commited relationship? he started one with you without ending the other one, so I advice you to end it now while you are ahead! Believe me, you will find a great guy who treats you as a princess!!! Dont settle for nothing less!!!
2007-10-08 18:22:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you want commitment. Yet you want him to relinquish commitment to his marriage.
Make up your mind.
I think you've already heard all the talk given to "the other woman," so I won't waste my energy typing out another rant. Just two things.
This man is having an affair with you. What makes you think that if he does leave his wife and marry you, he won't have an affair behind your back? You say that he'll stay committed to you because it's YOU, but the truth is that no one enters in marriage with someone without feeling an intense degree of dedication and willingness to commit. He didn't decide to marry his wife out of the blue.
Second of all, step back and observe the situation. This man is obviously reluctant to leave his wife for you. The blunt reason is that he doesn't care about you enough to throw away his marriage. He doesn't care about you as much as you care about him. If you do continue in such a vein and this man, miraculously, does leave his wife for you, that will make you very happy. But what does that make the man and his wife? Two people whose marriage is down the drain. Believe me, divorce is never a simple ending. It's always filled with pain and loss and harrowing regret and grief.
There's one of you, and two of them, not counting the relatives who will also be affected by having their loved ones go through a divorce or the possibility of children.
Think it through. Everything is up to you.
2007-10-08 19:20:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you know if his feelings are just as intense as yours? You realize he lies to the one person who he is actually supposed to be commited to so what makes you think your special? Because he said so?. Do you live in his house? Does he do all the normal things a caring partner is supposed to do without having to sneak around like a dog?
What your doing is wrong on so many levels and what goes around comes around. If you were his wife and someone was saying the exact same things as u r right now saying how would it make u feel?
He wont leave his wife for you because why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free.
Doesnt it ever cross your mind that he goes home to her and sleeps with her and whispers sweet nothings into her ear when u think it should be u?
Hes a dog and your a sideline ho. I know how it feels to have someone like u come in and wreck my relationship and I can tell u that they never do leave and when she finds out hes going to be begging her for forgiveness and drop u like u didnt mean a thing.
2007-10-08 19:24:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man has some issues in his life and if he is really unhappy in his marriage you continuing to see him only makes it easier for him to stay. I would break off the relationship with him until he finds himself and knows what he wants out of life? He is very confused and is confusing you and you cannot let yourself get caught up in him the way things are. Don't allow yourself to be used by him because you could only end up getting hurt. Love and lust draws a fine line here with a man and I hope you are not being fooled by him for your own emotions being so involved? I would back off from him and try to date someone that is single and available to offer you a true commitment. This relationship you are caught up in is stressful and you are settling for second best out of life. In the entire year you have to know that he is sill making love to his wife because no married woman would tolerate a whole year of her husband not being intimate with her....because if it were me I would already be gone. Does his wife know about you? Because if she does then she is probably fighting for her marriage with him and you may lose the battle especially if she has children with him? I don't know what his situation is but you do... or at least what he is only telling you? It is time for you to make some serious decisions here about your own life and leave him to his own because if he is as intense in his feelings for you as you are with him.....he will do the right thing for all concerned here.
2007-10-08 18:48:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number one: He will probably never leave his wife and has no intention of doing so. He would lose his home, family and a wad of money for alimony and child support.
Number two: If he left his wife for you, he will leave you for someone else. I have a friend who was in the same situation, I begged her not to marry him. It was no time before he was cheating on her. Once a cheat, always a cheat. They can't be changed. Monogamy is not a natural state and the male ego/hormones fight against it.
2007-10-08 18:20:21 · answer #6 · answered by corgiesrule 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell no you won't.
I did this before.
I finally left after 7 years and then the guy came crying back on my phone frantically. He promised all sorts of things even that he would divorce his wife.
3 years later he did, but for other reasons, but the point is that most married men have kids, wife, family, that is too much to give up over having convenient sex with you.
Move on. The guy is using you and then going home to his real life.
2007-10-08 22:14:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
here's experiance for you ive been with a married man for almost 10 years. try keeping a calender each month start looking for a patern. then the years become a patern. honey theres someone better for you. reach out and slam this mother goodbye. because if it were real on his side he'd show it by getting divorced. let it go if it doesnt come back it never was yours. im finally realizing its so stupid yet i know i love him and its out of the universe when were together...... but its never a commitment you keep him satisfied to stay with her. sorry
2007-10-08 19:32:36 · answer #8 · answered by debbiesue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy! If he cheated on his current wife, do you honestly believe he won't do the same to you? Also, if he is a MAN and the the marriage isn't working out he would have left a long time ago with or without being involved with you. Sorry.
2007-10-08 18:21:02 · answer #9 · answered by baseball momma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, probably not. You have already given him ultimatiums and he still got out of them. You see how he handled them. Honestly I would leave. If he really wants you and respects you he would divorce her, and he hasn't. Leave and find a man who has no problem with committing to you and ONLY you! Good Luck sweetie!
2007-10-08 18:16:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋