Please tell me what you honestly think of this poem I wrote?

Question

We’re in a plastic world
But baby, my plastics just unfurled
Peeling off my layer of lies
You see through my disguise

The long worn mask clings to my skin
But baby, you’re finding your way in
Rejecting my false perfection
You’re honesty is my reflection

The high tides can’t carry all the sand away
But Baby, the walls are starting to decay
Standing naked with no shield
You pick at me til I’m revealed

Answer 1

It's just one giant mixed metaphor. It's plastic. No. It's a mask. No. It's sand. No -- a wall. No -- standing naked. Too many things going on.

Answer 2

This is a perfect opening in my view:

We’re in a plastic world
But baby, my plastics just unfurled
Peeling off my layer of lies
You see through my disguise

This is the most dishonest and insincere stanza:

The long worn mask clings to my skin
But baby, you’re finding your way in
Rejecting my false perfection
You’re honesty is my reflection
-finding way in? yet rejecting falsity and some idea of honesty thrown into the mix for good measure!!

The most ambiguous:

The high tides can’t carry all the sand away
But Baby, the walls are starting to decay
Standing naked with no shield
You pick at me til I’m revealed
- although I admire the first line, I do not get the idea of walls decaying exposing the nakedness of the speaker. yet Baby gets all the credit! Perhaps I am too hard on this Baby but I suspect is given too much praise and credit.

My honest reflection

good luck to you

Answer 3

Me likey I think that at first it sounded a little disgusting with the pick of the skin and everything. But maybe that's just me . But I got the message behind it and I really enjoyed it alot. But you did change it up form plastic to a mask and then sand. Maybe you should find one topic and some of their similar names. Like a another word for plastic or the characteristics of plastic to keep on the same page consistently.But I admire the work and love the effort seems like you gave it some thought. And I noticed people keep bringing up age. I don't think that matters becuase it depends on how long you've been doing it. I mean why should adults poems be expected to be better than those of a younger age? Sounds biased to me.

Answer 4

Its ok.

Second stanza, last line, is that a typo?
"You are honesty is my reflection" Is that suppose to be:
Your honesty is my reflection or
'You're honesty' is my reflection

Either way, the way it is now doesn't make sense. Also, there is a constant 'stripping' theme through out the whole thing, but the first two lines of the last stanza don't really fit. They draw on different images, that don't have much to do with taking something off of your body.

Answer 5

The best part about this poem is that you're tying to be descriptive. Meaning, you're not talking about "the pain" or "the love." You are all over the place with plastic, masks, sands and nakedness. And, by the second "but baby" I started making my own "butt jokes."

Answer 6

baby wrap it up in plastic and cut off this poems air supply. Or sell it to hilary duff or britney spears i'm sure they'd like it.

Answer 7

Hey I happen to do poems check this out
That was wack
That was thru
The next time you think to do this
Just leave it up to you.
but other then that is was good

Answer 8

if you are still young (10 -16 yrs old), this poem is quite OK as a start.

however, for an adult it is kind of too simple and corny.

sorry if this hurts you, but its how i see it.

but keep it up though, as they say practice makes perfect.

Answer 9

Skippy say depends on how old you are. If you are in 7th grade its ok. If you are older, not so great.

Answer 10

your poem is good..but i think it would be better if you add a good ending at it..it seemed that ur poem ran out of words...