Should I try to talk to him or let it go?

Question

My divorce will be final next week & my husband and I haven't even talked about it. He cheated...I filed. We live 4 hours away so we don't see each other that often except when he comes to visit our son. I feel like I want to talk to him about some things & maybe that will bring some closure to this, but I don't know if I should bring it up or not since he hasn't. He knows I know he cheated but has denied it.(i have proof) I want to question him on why he's done this to his family. We've been married for 7 years & have a son together. Should I try & discuss what went on & why or should I let it & him go w/out saying anything? I don't want details about him & any other women I just want to know what he's thinking & feeling & I want him to know what I'm thinking & feeling. It has bothered me that he didn't even put up a fight for his family. I mean NOTHING has been said between us about the divorce. (and he does know about it..he has an attorney, too) What would you do?

Answer 1

OKAY!!REALLY SIMPLE!!YOU GUYS OBVIOUSLY KNOW THAT THE DIVORCE IS GOING TO HAPPEN.YOU SAY YOU HAVE PRROF AND HE DENIES IT.APPARENTLY HE IS NOT PROVING YOU WRONG THUS FAR SO "HE DID CHEAT".IF "ALL THIS"WAS IMPORTANT TO HIM HE WOULD'VE MADE THE EFFORT IN SOME WAY BY NOW BUT IT SEEMS LIKE HE ISN'T MAKING ANY. I GUESS IT'S "NO LONGER IMPORTANT TO HIM". THAT IS HIS DEAL PERIOD.YOU ON THE OTHER HAND SEEM TO HAVE A LIL MORE CARE IN YOU. THAT IS GREAT. MOST WOMEN WANT TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELI NGS ABOUT "LIFE"MORE THAN MEN DO.THAT IS NATURAL BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT LIFE INTO THIS WORLD.FROM HERE ON OUT,AND I DO MEAN RIGHT NOW AFTER YOU GET DONE READING THIS, STOP WANTING TO FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM SOMETHING.THE ONLY THING THAT SHOULD BECOME IMPORANT TO YOU IS "YOU"AND YOUR SON.YOUR FEELINGS,YOUR THOUGHTS, AND WHO YOU ARE, NO ONE CONTROLS IT EXCEPT YOU. YOU HAVE QUESTIONS,WANT TO TALK TO HIM, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE FEELS AND THINKS, ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE CRUMBLED UP AND TOSSED OUTSIDE.LEAVE IT ALONE.CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS FOR YOURSELF.BECOME A BETTER MOTHER FOR YOUR SON.REALIGN YOUR EMOTIONS AND ALL THAT YOU ARE.CONCENTRATE ON YOU!!!THAT YOU CAN DO AND THAT IS WHAT YOU CONTROL.IT WILL ALL COME TO PASS.GOD BLESS AND I KNOW YOU'LL DO THE RIGHT THING!!!

Answer 2

I wouldn't bring it up at all. He knows he messed up either because he saw something he thought he could get away with and it didn't work, or he really didn't appreciate you. He probably didn't put up a fight because he knew he was wrong.
the reason that you feel the way you do is that you do not understand this, why he get into the affair in the first place and now why he is not screaming and fighting you in the divorce.

the only other thing I can tell you is the last few lines of something I wrote: "If you do not understand something that I say, or something that I do, Just remember that I probably do not know either."

you may have to be satisfied with the closure being the divorce but you should also be satisfied that he is out of your life now and you can look for the person you will meet next who will not cheat and treat you and your son as you deserve to be treated.

Answer 3

I feel badly for you. I understand that you would like for him to help you to understand why he ruined his family. A part of me thinks, just leave it since the divorce is almost finalized and he hasn't even tried to talk to you, but you know what? Do it, just do it, you will always wish you have. I think it would help with closure. Just call him up or get together with him and look him in the eyes and say, "Before this marriage is completely over, I just have to ask you, why, why did you do this to our family and why haven't you even tried to make things right?" "It's like 7 years and our child ment nothing to you and I just want to know why?" "You owe that much to me!" So yes, I would ask and don't let him off the hook if he just shrugges his shoulders and won't answer. Good luck. Hugs!

Answer 4

Do you REALLY want to go there with him? I wouldn't want to discuss it at all, it's kind of like poking at a dead body, wondering how the person died. They're dead already, it really doesn't matter HOW ther person died at this point. I know that's probably a very crass way of putting it, but you're WAY past this point. The time to have done this was before you filed for divorce.

I would simply concentrate on being good parents to your son, he needs both of you still, and he needs you guys to be on good terms with each other.

I know you're hurting, and I know you're wanting some kind of closure, but I honestly think you'll do more harm than good trying to get it from your soon to be ex husband at this point.

Answer 5

i would definitely say something jus because im that type of person who wont let something go till we get to the bottom of things. something like this is very important and the fact that he hasn't said anything about it is crazy. we all know hes not sayin anything because he knows hes guilty and he probably is at a loss for words. if it was my husband i would write him a letter tellin him every single thing i feel even if it has to be 10 pages. i would have a little sit down but knowing me i'd be crying the whole time or my anger would get the best of me. he might come around and say something to you but i wouldnt wait that long. and if it helps then it helps and if it doesnt than oh well what can you do about it. good luck!

Answer 6

IF.. and I mean IF... I could get my head straightened out enough to be honest with myself... that I may not get the conversation that I want.. that he may not choose to be honest or open and I have my head completely straight that I can't have any expectations... then and only then.. I personally would try to have that conversation. There's probably only a very small chance that you will get the closure that you want and a large chance that the conversation will be disappointing and maybe painful and hurtful... But I would risk that for a try.....

Answer 7

Would you feel closure if he tried to blame you for HIS INFIDELITY?

I think you're better off letting this alone. If you wanted to talk it out you would have went to a marriage counselor instead of a lawyer when you found out about his indiscretion.

Good luck.

Answer 8

first of all i dont how you managed to deal with all this and never even talked to him about everything. second is, you made it this far without letting his sorry behind interfere with your life, dont let him and maybe some things he could say back in.
you are doing great so far with the way you handled this situation, keep your strength, i admire you for it. hope you will find someone that gives you what you need.

Answer 9

You're having "last minute panic". He cheated and lied. Asking him why isn't going to make you feel any better about it or make it go away. If you wanted to know what he was thinking and feeling so badly you should have asked before the papers were filed.

I wish you well....life DOES get better.

Answer 10

I can understand you wanting closure. But realize that what you want, he may not. You can try to talk to him. I think as long as you two can discuss, what is best for your son, then leave it at that. I wish you the best.