I love my gf, but I don't want to get married. What should I do?

Question

We've been together for five years but I just dread the idea of marriage. It's like a life sentence to hell for the man. Even the wedding is all about the woman

Answer 1

don't do , don't do it

Answer 2

I would say the first step is to be brutally honest with yourself and it appears you certainly have done that. The next step will be difficult but it is neccessary and the right thing to do. Your girlfriend has the right to make an informed decision and she really can't do that unless she is privy to all of the facts.

If you feel like marriage is a prison sentence then by all means do not subject yourself, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, do not subject some other poor soul to a life of misery. Be single, stay single, and keep honest. Going forward, tell whomever you are involved with from the start how you feel about marriage and let them decide if they want to stick around. If you did that, you would never be the bad guy. If you don't and you allow innocent souls to get wrapped up in you, then you are guilty and certainly the number one guy to blame.

Now, go let your girlfriend down as easy as you can. It may hurt for now but find her in ten years and ask her how she feels. She will be so happy that you didn't continue wasting her life and draining her energy. With any luck, she will be happily married (and thankfully not in the middle of a divorce with you.)

Answer 3

Oh my god this sounds exactly like my boyfriend of 4 years - we are both 21 and he doesn't want to marry because he thinks like you but we love each other very much! I can understand cos he is still young and hangs out with the boys etc but I mean its not the end of the world. The way I see it, if you love each other and want to be together, there is no reason not to. I mean it just means you are committed and you are not looking elsewhere and it is a fun thing for the women to have a wedding and be centre of attention, I would love my boyfriend to agree so I am giving him a little more time, but if he doesn't agree, we may not stay together and she may feel the same way. Especially if you plan to have kids - not out of wedlock I hope, cos that would not be right either. Look its great that you love her and I bet she appreciates that but I think you got to look at it from her point of view and meet her half way. Just because some guys that get married thinks its a life sentence others are loving it! I mean what would change except for the committment and ring on the finger, she is not going to withold you from going out and stuff, she will just ask you to respect her all the same. I think you need to continue talking about it but if you love her you would show her you want to be with her forever by marrying but also she needs to see your point of view and give you some more time, maybe she can wait another year or maybe you can rent for a bit together to see how you would live together, if you love each other, you will come to a great agreement happily. Good Luck, hope my boyfriend agrees to marriage soon too!

Answer 4

Why would it be such a life sentence to hell? If you know that your girlfriend will not treat you as an equal or whatever other reason you have for dreading marriage, then try talking to her.

The wedding shouldn't be all about the woman. It's the man AND the woman. Sure, the bride may get a little more attention due to the pretty dress & bouquet, but if she loves you she'll shower you with attention too.

Answer 5

I understand how you feel.

Getting married would be the "right" thing to do, but it scares the hell out of you?

Although I've been married 9 years, and it has been a great marriage, ( we have never even hollered at each other). I see other marriages around me that I couldn't spend a day in. The woman gropes and moans about everything.

I really see you point because I feel the way you feel about marriage, just in my case it about having children. I, for the life of me ,can't see my life with a child. But honesty is the best policy. I am honest with my husband about the fact that I don't want children, and it took him a while but he understands.

Good luck with everything. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel.

Answer 6

If you are not planning on marrying her, then let her go and don't waste her time unless she wants to wait. You need time to grow up and do the things that you missed. If you think marriage is a life sentence/hell then you should not even have a girlfriend at this moment. If it's a life sentence to you it might be the same for your partner. Take your time off and do whatever you wanted to do. But remember once you let sometime good goes, you might never get it back.

Answer 7

Here's the facts Jack. Your waiting for something better to come along. Five years....if it was in the cards for you two, you'd be married by now. Someday, someone will come into your life and it's gonna be "bam"!! When true love hits you,it definitely will be all about the woman. Maybe you two should try a little time out from each other. It's a good sign you're seeking some counsel. Hope you hear what you want to hear. Good luck, God bless

Answer 8

What Planet are YOU from. The Wedding is for the BOTH of you..... If you don't want to get married to this girl that's your choice but don't be shocked if when she is ready to tie the knot she is walking down the isle with someone else. You have NO idea what marriage is about. Also since you think marriage is this terrible life sentence in hell..... well guess what.... I am in for the durration.... PEACE OUT

Answer 9

There is a damn good chance she just has it in her mind that she is getting married. No matter how good your relationship is, she may be perfectly willing to throw it away because she wants to get married. She may be under pressure from family. She may want a wedding more than a marriage. She may be fiercely dependant and afraid to be alone. It doesn't really matter whether or not you think they are good reasons, or piss-poor reasons; they are her reasons, not yours.

However...

I don't think there is anything wrong with someone wanting to get married. I really don't. But I also see nothing wrong with not wanting to get married. What I see as wrong, is not respecting your needs as well as respecting the needs of your partner. It's wrong when two people can't accept that they each want different things in life. She really can't expect to be able to pressure you into taking a huge life altering step that you don't want to take. But guess what, it works both ways. The same goes for you. You can't expect her to give up on a huge life changing step that she wants to take.

Answer 10

why don't you do some investigation homework and try to find out why you don't wanna get married. it's got to be a major issue hidden there after 5 years of relationship whether yours or between you two. i think the wedding isn't all about the women...it's about the family. do you have a good relationship with your family or parents? the analogy here of marriage "life sentence" does really say a strong repellent idea here...and why? these are things you need to find out yourself! good luck!

Answer 11

Well, you should not get married if you arent ready. Marriage is not a death sentence. It is what you make it. It can be wonderful and fullfilling. But you dont sound ready yet. Just reassure her that you love her and dont anyone else. But dont make any false promises that you cant keep i.e. We'll get married next year, when I get a better job, etc.
Good luck