What do you honestly think of this?????

Question

-The last kiss-

Alone, in a room full of lies,
Dead inside, thinking nothing more then the one I love.
Grieving over what he had done.
Shot after shot, the more it blocked the pain held with in me.
I no longer felt good enough…
Nothing more then a young self-conscious teenage soul,
I wasn’t always like that, I once felt beautiful.
I once felt like I had a purpose.
I gave him my all, every inch of me.
He betrayed me…
All for what, for what
That night,
The night my entire life changed…
The night I ****** up my life.
Was maybe…perhaps the best night of my life?

There I lay, knowing what was coming, what was going to happen.
I lay there in shame…
He moved closer.
I felt comfortable, I felt love, I felt…
He touches my belly, he asks is this ok?
As intoxicated as I was it felt fine?
I kept telling him “no, no, no”
He kept trying, the feeling of his presents made me feel so…fulfilled.
It felt so right, yet so wrong.
He’s lips slowly caressed mine.
I brush away.
He tries again, I finally let go.
My lips touched his, & in that moment that one kiss made me feel whole.
Here’s the trick I try to deny…
As I was kissing him I thought of my certain someone.
When I close my eyes I can still imagine the night.
Seeing my certain someone in my mind, yearning for his love that I no longer felt…
Because he had throne it away…
He killed it…
All for what, for what,
Till this day it kills me inside, because I know what’s right but chose the wrong because I know there is no way of going back in time…It’s far too late to make things right…
Now, here I am…
Teary eyed…
Feeling hollow inside…
Missing the past, hating my presents…

Now, I raise my head up high.
Suck up the tears, & move on.
Go on living my day as if everything’s okay.
Whatever right?
Life goes on…
It’s just going to take sometime to forget about the past.
Right,
Yes, that’s right.

Life…
Why…

Answer 1

savanna, i thank you for writing this poem...
this might be the answer i am looking...
you see, i might commit what you have committed...
i might choose the wrong one when i know deeply it shouldn't be...
i think we are on the same boat, knowing what is right and wrong, knowing it is really wrong yet it feels so right, so what could i do?
but thank you, it shed some light...

Answer 2

This is really an amazing work! It takes a good writer to be so... articulate in expressing your feelings, especially ones so difficult as this! I think, however, that there were a few spelling/grammer issues that held up the flow of the poem, for example: in the second stanza, line 8, I believe you meant to spell "presence" instead of "presents" (like birthday presents...) Maybe not, but.... Also, in the second stanza, line 18 you spell "throne" (as in a king's throne) instead of "thrown" (as in... defenestrate). I couldn't figure out if that one was intentional or not, because it holds a lot of gravity to the poem either way. Hmm. Again, in the third stanza, last line, you spell "presents."

My only other critique is that last two lines of the poem don't really add anything. Instead, they make it seem a little whiny... Which is SO unfortunate, because this is one of the most amazing, honest, non-whiny recountings of a difficult situation I've perhaps ever seen.

I admire you for being able to express all of this through writing. It also helps to know that there are other girls out there that go through this. I don't even know you, but I admire you.

Answer 3

If it is not just a poem, if it is written by u then I can understand how much you feel touchy about your past, about your first night about first kiss. I just want to say that every day is a new life, every day is a new day so remember what is happening now, don’t be a slave of past. Don’t let your past to capture you. Just remember good times of past. When we give control to emotions and past then they led us to sadness.
If it is just a poem, then you are a good poet. You know how to express feelings and situation. Keep it up!!!

Answer 4

conscientiously honest but deviously melancholic

Answer 5

wow i think you should say something different from belly, mabey leg or something?