Living with partner and still feel lonely?

Question

I've been living with my partner now for 5months and some how i still feel like a single woman.
Everyday he comes home from work all he wants to do is eat then straight to bed, he even does that on the weekends to so we never really communicate and have conversations unless we are arguing which i'm getting fed up with cause we argue everyday.
We was happy together before i moved in but since i've been living with him (which he wanted me to) this started to happen, I've tryed telling him my feelings but he makes it out like it's my fault and if i leave him i will never be happy with another man and i would want him back.

I love him but this has been going on for to long with the arguing and feeling lonely and sometimes i feel like leaving but im not sure what to do.

Pls any advice on what to do or should i move on?

Answer 1

I say - ditch him. If you're already that unhappy then it is only going to go downhill from there.

Answer 2

I just came through a rough patch with my husband of 8 years. I love him a lot, he's a good man, but sometimes I get so tired of making dinner every night then watching him drift in and out of sleep for 4 hours, until he gets up, does some "chores", then more naps until bed at 1 a.m. I get really lonely too. And frustrated. I've tried everything. Patience, getting upset, looking for things to keep his interest... nothing changes the pattern. I work all day too, and how is it I have energy and he doesn't? I guess when it comes down to it, we have to either accept it and if not love it, then learn to live with it, or decide to go. For me, the good stuff outweighed the bad and I just try to work around it. Make the most of it. He helps me (with some stuff), if I need him, he's there (groggy, but there), and life would be harder without him. So weigh you're options. If you stay, you WILL have good days and bad. But honestly, I think what you've got is a normal man. There's a lot of women in the same boat. Since I found yahoo answers, at least I've got a quiet hobby while the hubby sleeps :-) !!! oh well.

Answer 3

Well i totally understand! I know where your comming from. When i moved in with my bf it was all great at first then it wasnt fun anymore. Well, sometimes people move in together too quickly or you are arguing about silly things where it gets in the middle of your love that you have. For instance we got into our first apt together and we were always fighting about money and now that we moved out from eachother...and lived on our own with out eachother for about a year and learned what it takes ...we then moved back in with each other and never fight about money! I hope everything works out for you. I know the feeling. And you wish you could just go back to all the love you used to have. But maybe try doing something new with each other...like having a little fun. Or sometimes if your the person that gets what they want and then when they get it...they dont want it anymore...But DO NOT let him work you over and act like that no other man will make you happy. BC someone else will but you need to think about what is really not making you happy. DO you miss being single...or do you really love him or...best of luck

Answer 4

I was in a relationship exactly like this. He put his work first before the relationship. And in time the relationship died. It's like a car... you have to keep it tuned to keep it running. So tell him that without constant care, the relationship can't work, no matter how much you want to be with him. You are sad and lonely, and he's not meeting your needs. Start slowly. Ask him for a few hours of time a week on the weekends. That's not unreasonable. Tell him that in those few hours of time you have together you won't be talking about work, or bills or your unhappiness and loneliness. It's purely time together to reconnect as a couple. It's your "fun" time together. Do the kind of things you used to do when you dated. But get out of the house! Then let him do whatever he wants, even if that's sleeping the rest of the time. Then if he still doesn't want to do that, you need to reasses this relationship and what you want out of it. As sad as it is, if he doesn't want to meet your needs, can you really be happy together? Even though you love him, you are lonely with him aren't you? Is it going to be worse when you are alone? I don't think so... But only you can answer that question. This isn't an easy thing to go through. I wish you luck...

Answer 5

butterflies and Mel_rose are both right:)
You need a healthy relationship and as much as most of us work and have busy lives, one thing that has to stay constant, and that is working on the relationship on a frequent basis. You need a guy that cherishes you and no matter how difficult the day, week or year he needs to listen and be there for you and be a source of companionship, physical included. You need to be the same. If those two criteria are not met then you are fooling yourself and its time to get out. Why not leave anyway he sounds like a controlling person subtle right now but it will get worse. I have men and women friends that do this and they end up having miserable lives. I believe you WILL have much more success in the future without him. Good Luck:)

Answer 6

Being in a relationship where you feel like you are not getting the kind of attention you need is not ok. If you are communicating to your partner that you need more than what he is giving and he is not making efforts than that is a clear sign to make a change. If he is telling you that the relationship is not as good as it could be all because of you, than that is a cop out. It takes two people to make a relationship work. Him telling you that you will never be happy without him is false. If you feel like there may be some truth to that, than you need to look at yourself to figure out why you think you need him so much. Until you can be happy with yourself, you will never be able to make someone else happy. Stand up for yourself and be confident in who you are. It will be hard for others to respect you if you don't respect yourself

Answer 7

Make a List. Write down all of the good things he does for you on one side and all of the bad on the other. Which side is bigger? Chances are if he doesn't pay you the attention you need, he is probably not the one for you. Yesterday and tomorrow kind of don't matter, who he could be or what he might do or what he did or how he used to feel. It is all about today and how he treats you today. If it is not good, pack up your stuff and move away. Men who try to make it seem like it's your fault and handicap you from leaving with verbal beat downs are usually abusive.

My advice is that you gather all your emotional strength and leave him without looking back. You can find better easily.

Answer 8

maybe you just wasnt ready to move in with him yet! moving in with someone is a huge step and it takes some getting used to and some times it's hard work, for some reason they dont make as much of an effort as they did when you lived apart and i think it's probably that, that your missing,

you dont have to live together to have a great relationship and the honeymoon period can last for as long as you want, talk to him, tell him living together isnt quite working for you and why, move out and see if the relationship improves if it does, give it time and when YOUR ready move back in but there really is no rush, if the relationship doesnt improve in time or the bad things outway the good then move on!

Answer 9

Did he really want you to move in? Did he ask you to? Did he initiate the idea? or did he just say "OK" when you suggested it?

It's important, because if your moving in was honestly totally his idea then I think he has just relaxed to the point of stupor. But if it was really your idea (to which he simply agreed) then I think he is regretting it like mad and is now trying the age-old technique of making you dump him, by being boring and horrible.

If you feel single, time to start acting single! Go out 4 nights this week, come home late, don't check-in with him, treat him like a lodger. Don't initiate any more talks, they just make you look insecure. If you're that annoyed, you should ACT. A few weeks of you acting like the beautiful, glkamorous singleton will shake him up enough to start appreciating you.

Sorry you had to go through this. Chin up!

Answer 10

If you have tried to communicate to him and hes not working on any of it and its been this long and he's telling you all these things that its you fault my advice is to leave him.he sounds like a dead beat boyfriend and hes not going to be a good husband or dad.you can find someone that will treat you good. and if he is saying that to try to control you then he does not really love you at all cause real love sacrifices self.As hard as it may be you should get out of this relationship soon. never settle for less then what you know you want in your heart. sure some guys not going to have everything thing you want but you can find one that will have most of those qualities garranteed. I hope I helped good luck with everything.
my crazy life

Answer 11

My situation was close to yours...

I feel lonely too... even if my partner stayed with me in my place occasionally.

All she does is play games, chat with friends, ask me to massage her (no sex) and ask me to do this, do that....

We seldomly conversate intelligently. All she does is whine.

However, it wasn't like this when we started. When i knew her, she was a caring, positive and intelligent girl, albeit too conservative.

But this is what you get sometimes. The person you know is not really going to be the person you live with. Is there something that you have done that makes him resent you? Sometimes i wonder why i don't get any action despite doing all i can to please her... (i know, i'm a jerk, but i'm a normal, hot-blooded guy)... so i neglect her in return

And she leaves me....

However, we are happier now that we are still friends. See, she was the nice person i know... so i won't wanna forget her, just that i now know we can't be really together. We don't match.

Hope that helps~! Good luck