I am 24 and my Husband is 9 years older than I am. We met online and have been married for a little over 2 years. I love sex and could do it at least once daily- he cares nothing about it and if I try to bring it up to talk to him, he turns it around on me and says that is all that I ever think about. He says that his age has alot to do with it- not being able to stay hard--etc.
I know guys his age and people that are older that didn't have that problem.
Before we got married we had sex all the time and I know things change once you do get married, but that much? I just don't know what to do.... Is this normal? how can I make him want me (I have tried MANY things!)
I am very open and am willing to do pretty much anything! any answers are appreciated! Thanks!~
2007-10-08 12:10:00 · 21 answers · asked by Nessa131 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has been to the Dr. -- no problems- they wouldn't Rx anything for him
He has gained weight-- like 50 or 60pds.
I really don't think that he is cheating- he has had that done to him and he really loves me-- besides we both work way too much and spend the rest of the time with each other or family.
He says that he just does not need it-- he is old and can't keep up with me.
2007-10-08 12:27:09 · update #1
oops-- we had sex once in September and it wasn't good at all-- he got his and left me hanging-- i do things for him all the time--oral etc... he has given me sex twice this month but couldn't keep it up---
So we haven't completely stopped having sex but NO where near what I want!!!!!!! I mean I will settle-- 2-3times a week is fine-- I am all about negioations!
2007-10-08 12:38:15 · update #2
If he has gained weight then it sounds like it might be a self-esteem problem. You said he talked negatively about his age, which means he is feeling old. If he is not happy with himself then it could be hard for him to really enjoy sex. He might not be staying hard because he is worried that you don't find him attractive. This seems like the most likely answer to me, after reading all your edits. Try joining a gym or walking together. If you start working out he might start feeling better about himself, and he will have more stamina.
This could be some sort of mid-life crisis. You need to make sure to reassure him that you love him and are attracted to him. Give him a full body massage to relax him and see what happens. Don't force the issue because it will just worry him even more! Good luck!
2007-10-08 13:16:39 · answer #1 · answered by sunydays15 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention if you were having sex at all, which is not normal for a young couple, or if you are just not having sex as often as you'd like, which can happen as couples "get used" to each other.
If you think it's medical (erectile dysfunction, high blood pressure, stress) make an appointment with the doctor and go together. If he won't go, go alone and get the information.
If you think it's emotional, try counseling, either with a therapist or with your clergy. Same thing, if he refuses to go, go alone and get some insight.
If you think he may be cheating, then you need to discuss it with him whether he resists or not. You didn't mention any telltale signs, so I hope that is not the case.
Let him know that you NEED to discuss it. Sex is a very important part of marriage and your husband needs to know that denying you intimacy is putting your marriage in jeopardy.
2007-10-08 19:31:27 · answer #2 · answered by ebony_texan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try a full scale seduction. Have him meet you is a hip bar or restaurant. Before you go, get dressed up in a garter belt and stockings, with really high heels. But leave the panties home! Slip on a breezy, flirty dress, that shows a stocking top now and then. Wear lots of his favorite perfume.
Get there before he does, and flirt with the guys at the bar. Dressed like that, it won't be hard to do. When hubby come in, give him a big wet kiss in front of everyone. Then allow him a glimpse of your stocking top and garter.
He'll want to know what else you got up there, and he'll be hard as a rock when he discovers you are bare ***-ed naked under your dress. I sure would be! He might not even wait till you get home!
Good luck, have fun and let me now how it goes!
2007-10-08 20:10:21 · answer #3 · answered by Julius4U 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's strange that things changed THAT dramatically once you got married. This would make me go "hmmm". Age has nothing to do with it, I've dated guys in their 50s who wanted to have sex every day; it all depends on the person. My husband's never had much of a drive, and he's in his mid-30s; 2x/month was about as often as we've ever "done it", and this was in the very beginning of the relationship. But this has been something known and constant; I don't know why someone's drive would change drastically within a couple of years. Has he seen a doctor? He may have e.d., low testosterone, depression, or a reaction to a medication he's taking. Or perhaps you guys just don't have the "chemistry". Either way, if he's not willing to face it or to admit it even to himself, you won't get far. At some point, you'll have to figure out if you can re-focus on the non-sexual aspects of your relationship and accept his low desire, or if it's something too important to compromise on.
2007-10-08 19:21:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
The problem is probably not related to the sex, the lack of interest is a symptom of something else.
Take no initiative for sex until he does or raises the matter, in bed cuddle close but no more, make sure you always look appealing from his perspective (what clothes did he like before you were married ?), and see how long it takes before he makes advances. I think about a week, maybe two. Listen carefully to what he says about your relationship and his concerns. There will be a clue as to what is the underlying problem
Good luck
2007-10-08 19:25:31 · answer #5 · answered by JEAN B 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This "he can't keep up" thing keeps coming up. That is key, because it explains his lack of desire. Men do not feel like having sex when they feel like this. It is humiliating to them, and they will finish faster than they would have if they were relaxed and didn't feel as much pressure. Try to lay off for awhile. He may not need all the things you're doing. Try to cater to his needs, including those non-sexual and try a new look. Maybe do something different with your hair, and try some new styles in your wardrobe. He'll notice you soon, and he'll also notice the attention you're getting.
2007-10-08 20:33:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, I feel your pain!! When I was 34, I had a lady who had an unending sex drive, just like me!! 2/3 daily wasn't unusaual, Sad, great sex, but we didn't get along! Oh well!! Married now, wide is prudish, great sex befroe wedding, afterwards, turned sad!! I think some times our potenial mates keep up just to seal the deal, and then just quit!!! (go to the way they really were)
2007-10-08 20:48:54 · answer #7 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my fiance and i have been together for about 2 1/2 yrs and we have the same problem. let me say that i went to bed many nights crying.. one night it was so bad that we were both crying and he looked at me and said that he loves me so much and is tired of disappointing me. if we went for a week then tried, it would stay long enough for us to finishbut any sooner than that it wouldn't and he just didn't want to upset me. and also he said he is embarassed and feels like he is less of a man. girl i'm like u 2 to 3 times a day i'd b a happy camper. anyway, he is scared to go to the dr. but im still working on that. but if u know down deep that he is not cheating then i really do believe that he is scared to disappoint you and he feels like less of a man and cant please you and is embarassed of that. men do not like to admit that at all. just keep trying to talk to him and explain how it makes u feel. feels like he doesn't love u or want u or find u attractive.. i thought it was something about me, like maybe i was doing something wrong or he just couldnt get turned on but its not that at all. i just wish they would try to, if it doesn't work well hell at least ya tried.. ya know what i'm saying? what really hurts is when they dont try at all!! well good luck to ya! oh by the way i'm 33 and he is 38
2007-10-08 20:44:31 · answer #8 · answered by cowmoomoolover 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men get that way when they get older, but 33 is a bit young. My husband is like that but he is 55 and I am 9 years younger. I know how he is so I don't expect all the time. Just be ready when he is. They are other ways to get satisfied.
2007-10-08 19:34:49 · answer #9 · answered by moonchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is NOT normal at his age. Insist he see a doctor asap. Sounds like he needs testosterone injections or something to pep him up if it's a physical thing..or could it be something mental...ie depression, a stressful life event maybe? Viagra & other ED drugs are not the total answer b/c the man has to have the desire for these meds to work.
I feel for you..so frustrating. Good luck.
2007-10-08 19:24:59 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋