3 sums or full couple swapping is it a good idea?

Question

hi im paul 28 and te wife is 22 and from newcastle upon tyne
where discussing havin a 3 sum or a full couple swap do u hink its a good idea we been together 4 5 years and r sex life going abit stale
what do u think

advice needed

Answer 1

Yeah. After she will leave with the guy. #

Answer 2

It sounds like a cr.p idea to me - surely you must have more imagination to be able to enjoy each other more? I think when you bring other people into your marriage, a piece of the intimacy and importance of sex leaves - it can never be replaced. I wonder also if you will be able to survive the aftermath of insecurities afterwards. I think you are young and should be able to still have a great time just the two of you. Get a jam jar and you and the wife write down on bits of paper any fun you want. Then you pull one a night from the jam jar and see what you get! There is a fine line between fantasy sex and good ol' fashioned humping. Don't cross a line before you know you can both survive it. And I might add, you are a lot older than your wife so manipulating her into this wouldn't be the right thing and you know it. She is so young - I fear she may take this all as a violation rather than fun.

Answer 3

Really it depends on how honest you and your wife will be. If you only swap with people you know and do the preliminary checking if everyone is prefectly clean, it is the choice of both of you. However, also consider saying you'll try it one time or for a month or 3 months and then talk about if that's what you both like and also if one isn't enjoying it, what other possibilites are out there?
The biggest problem I've seen with exploring sexuality is forgetting to talk to each other. Assuming the other is having fun, or assuming the other won't care if say this one time you hook up with this guy/gal that she doesn't know about is problematic. Also never again having sex with each other could indicate another solution is needed altogether.

Answer 4

Unless the 2 of you have an incredibly strong and trusting relationship, I'd stay away from the 3 some and couple swapping thing. Try adding some spice to the bedroom with things like toys, massage oils, candles, lingerie....try role playing and bondage...All of these things can help with a stale sex life. Good luck friend!

Answer 5

I know sometime sex can get a little boring after a certain amount of time but I haven't heard too much great things about the 3 some option. Usually something to that extent severley hurts the relationship and send in one person leaving for the person they experimented with, if you decide to do it be careful. But I honestly think you should look in to other alternatives first.

Answer 6

I can't say I know this from personal experience, as I wouldn't go for it, but a good friend from college did this with her husband. They had been together awhile (about seven years I believe) their sex life was rather routine, and he was pushing for a threesome, instead of speaking up and saying she was not comfortable with it, she did it (she claims she didn't want to loose him). it didn't go well....it was rough seeing him with another woman (he did NOT want another guy) and she was unsure of how to act with the woman. And at the end of the day, their problems were still there.

IF you have issues with a stale sex life, I would suggest working on that. Experiment in other ways...costumes, toys, new positions, new places, etc.....Talk things over, and if you still want a threesome, that is the time to look into it.

I can say I have been married almost 10 years, and while there are times we go through dry patches...we WORK to make our sex life fun. It isn't going to just happen...it takes work, bringing someone new into the mix isn't a magic cure all.

Answer 7

I think it would be a bad idea. have you tried spicing up your sex life with other means first. You need to think about the long term effects of going down the wife swapping route. How would you feel about seeing your wife having sex with a stranger? How would she feel about another woman in bed - will it make her feel unattractive? Only strong relationships seem to survive swinging - Is yours that strong? if so why look elsewhere - just work through it. Good luck!

Answer 8

Go for it man. you can do it. i do it with my fiance. im 20 shes 22. shits fun man. you meet alot of cool people. use protection pay attettion to both women, and the man depending on the situation. you can get into some amazing scenarios. its good fun, and just be safe. as long as your doing it with couples theres no fear of that number ****, you should be close friends anyways. Nothing like a foursome after some drinks. Anyways you wouldnt believe how arousing it is to watch your significant other get off on someone else. you can still touch em haha. Oh and 3 somes, you probably should stick to 2 girls then. as when its 2 males one tends to get left out unless shes a pro skier.

Answer 9

In my experience (and a close friend of mine) it always ends badly. One of the partners usually gets into it more than the other- falls in love with the other person or falls completely out of love with their partner. It usually leads to more cheating behind the other persons back. It raises the bar of whats ok or whats the norm. I think you should either have an open relationship where you can come and go as you please and not ask too many questions or you should be monogomous- but be careful not to push the issue- if one of you wants it more- that could spell disaster. I have a couple of really good friends who are divorced now because of swinging.

Answer 10

You have to have a very strong relationship and completely trust your spouse. I think that envy and jealousy are part of human nature so you would have to spell out very specific rules and guidelines.

Personally, I would suggest against it but I'm not in your situation. If your sex life feels stale, have you tried things to spice it up or change it around?

Adding someone else into that mix can lead to serious issues such as guilt, self-doubt, self-esteem, etc. Someone may get offended if the other person makes a comment about how to do something different. They may think that their SO is fantasizing about someone else...lots of potential problems.

Yes, there are people who swing and have three-somes but they are few and far between. Most people who do it end up divorced or cheating on their spouses.

Answer 11

No I do not think it is a good idea.
It ruins relationships and people's lives.
It creates friction, jealousy, anger, and resentment, it brings shame and embarassment and is over rated.
Discussions that leads to actions will destroy.
I am sure if it is a good idea for your relationship than you would not be asking here but somewhere else.
You two can improve your intimacy and sex life without bringing anyone into your marriage/relationship.