and telling her he doesn't want to go. What can I do to make this transition easier and things easier on my ex-wife?
2007-10-08 09:02:37 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PS, this has gone on for over a year now but it has gotten increasingly difficult now that he is speaking. I try to transition very quickly and not drag the situation out. My ex has a boyfriend that has been in the pictures since before she left us and I'm wondering if that may have something to do with this.
2007-10-08 09:35:28 · update #1
PSS The level of hostility from her towards me is at a level high enough that we have absolutely no communication except via email.
2007-10-08 09:37:27 · update #2
He's 2! What's the problem? Tell him he will do what you say and that's that! He can say what he wants but you let him know he's not the boss. You are!
2007-10-08 09:06:14 · answer #1 · answered by Meichelle 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
To make the transition easier make a chart and mark the days off together for when he will see her next. No matter what keep upbeat and tell him he will have fun and he will stay with her for however many days (show him on the calender you made together). Children are visual and a chart and calendar are the best ways to ensure the transition is smoother and easier for him to handle it. Prepare him two hours ahead of time by telling him "mommy will be here soon and you and her are going to ___" Encourage him and show him it is a happy thing - no matter what!
2007-10-08 09:09:23 · answer #2 · answered by green_clovers66 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have custody of the child, and his mother left, then he is feeling abandonment issues. He may feel that if he leaves you to see her he might lose you too.
At his age it is important to let him know that even though the two of you can't live together anymore that you both love him. Instead of her picking him up you should deliver him to her. Meet her for a day out with the three of you so your child has memories of his whole family together. This will be very important to him as he gets older.
Of course talk to him and make sure they is nothing to be worried about leaving him with his mother. Then take him on the visits. Put your differences aside and sit and visit with her and him together when you go. Gradually build up to leaving him there.
Good Luck
2007-10-08 09:20:18 · answer #3 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is she a good mother, im assuming you have custody? try having her come in when she picks him up and staying for about an hour so your son can see you both interact NICELY and he can warm up to her, that transition of visiting can be hard on a teenager , its probally traumatic for a toddler. I applaud you on thinking whats best for your son and making it easier on your ex , you deserve a medal in todays world of everyone else at each others throats!!! or try meeting at place he enjoys like mcdonalds or the park.
2007-10-08 09:33:25 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ஐDanielleஐ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have always been the primary caregiver, this is not unusual. At this age, children don't really understand that both parents really care for them and most have bonded more with the parent who they see most of the time.There might be a time element involved here. If his mom is picking him for the week-end, perhaps he doesn't want to stay that many nights away from you. Perhaps you and his mom can arrange it so she picks him Friday nights and those are "mommy nights." You pick him up in the morning and mom can pick him up in the early afternoon and bring him back before his bed time.
You can also be unwittingly sabotaging his visits by making negative statements or adding a negative inflection to your voice when referring to the time he spends with his mom.
Good luck.
2007-10-08 09:17:15 · answer #5 · answered by Lily H 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is the terrible twos and it will pass. Meanwhile, taking him to her or meeting in a public place may be easier.
Don't baby him too much, reassure him, let him know you love him and when you will see him again and then walk off. Don't drag it out, it will only get worse.
2007-10-08 09:10:33 · answer #6 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's going through a stage called "separation anxiety". You just have to give him to his mom and walk away. It happens in child care facilities all of the time. They say the worst thing you can do is to give in to their pleas, because the message they get is there is something to be upset about. Just tell your son you love him and will see him soon, and then just go. The sooner you leave, the sooner he will see there isn't anything to be upset about and he will stop.
2007-10-08 09:11:50 · answer #7 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe have a safe person that you could say would be at Mom's house, a friend or a family member. Until the child feels comfortable.
2007-10-08 09:34:14 · answer #8 · answered by Shell 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should not force him to go but explain to her that he does not want to go and make the visitation somewhere that she can have time with him and you there also.
You do have to look at the situation though and make sure it is just that he wants to be with you. Is there any chance that she is with someone else - a man with kids for example - where he is suffering any abuse there. try to find out the reason he doesn't want to go with her.
2007-10-08 09:10:01 · answer #9 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you just have to let him go anyway.. at that age they dont want to go with others. but if she has visitation rights you have to make it happen or you will be the one in trouble.. once hes with her he will calm down..its just hard to watch that happen.. the same thing might happen when your child starts school.. they will cry and beg not to make them go but once they are there and your not they settle down..good luck
2007-10-08 09:24:53 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋