I have a serious question about my marriage and I was wondering on what you think I should do?

Question

I ama married woman I have 2 beatiful kis and I work nights 5 pm til 2:30 am. Well my husband works during the day because daycare is just too much I work nights. My daughter is the only one home because my son is in school full time. Anyways, heres my dilema. I am with the kids all day and I work 5 nights a week and I do all the cooking cleaning appointments.Anything thatgets done around the house. Well my husband goes out the 2 nights a week that I am home and I am stuck with the kids. He wont let anyone watch the kids for distrust. Which I understand a friend of our loss a child last year. Iam so misrable because all I do is work and take care of the kids I neverget time to go out alone, with him ,or with friends and this has been going o for almost 3 yearsnow and I am at my wits end. I feel as if I am a single mother because I have the life of one. He's never here! My ? is do u think this is right? What should I do? Leave? Help Please :(

Just to let everyone know I have discussed this with him many many times with no conclusion he bsically says hes not giving up his 2 nights out. He feels that I have no say in anything of that nature. He blows off whtever I have to say to him like he just doesnt care. This is the reason I am asking for advice.

Answer 1

Have you talked to him about this? Maybe he doesn't realise just how bad you feel. He is right out of line to be going out on the nights when you are home and that has to change.

Unfortunately it looks like although he may still love you he is not in love with you-and that is not good.

Answer 2

Unfortunately you have established a pattern with your husband that more or less sends the message that you're WILLING to work, clean, watch the kids, etc etc., while he is free to do what HE needs to do a couple nights a week. Personally, and I know this may not be entireley realistic, but I would think about finding a smaller house, being a stay at home mom full time, and letting your husband be the MAN by providing for his family while you take care of the family. Give him a night a week to be with his friends, save a night for you and your friends, and then most importantly......reserve a night just for each other!

PS: What is with some of the answers to this question? "Leave him cuz life is too short to be unhappy" is hardly what I would call reasonable advice to a person that's been married for several years and who has two small children. As if it were all that simple!

Answer 3

I am sorry. It is hard. My husband is never home either because he is in school working towards his master's degree, He comes home like 1:00 -3:00am depending on how busy he gets. I have two boys under four years. And I am pregnant. I never have time for myself either. What I did before we moved to college station so my husband could go to school was that I found a daycare that have a drop off day care, YOu can drop your kids off whenever you want, and pick them up whenever you want. I left my first one only because I was not ready to let my second one there. It gave me a break even though I was not alone. I am miserable all the time too. No one to talk to and kids to take care of. I know how it feels. I think that you should tell your husband that you are soooo miserable and he gets to go out, and so you should. If he says not, then tell him that you will put the kids to a day care so you can have a break other wise you will go crazy. You need to take care of yourself other wise you will not be a good mother, or good wise because you are frustrated all the time. Luckily, my husband lets me get out of the house once a while. I never knew that grocery shopping without kids was so relaxing till now. Well, drop off day care I found was $100 a month and 4 hours max a day, but unlimited hours a month so I got to take my first one once a week and he stayed there maybe two hours at the most. You should find something like that and tell your husband, and if he says not, then you should tell him he can not go out anymore because you can not go out and have a break at all. If he still says no then, you should still do it, it is for your sanity. Oh, another things is a gym. like 24 hour fitness. They have a child care. I did that too, While you work out, they will watch your kids there up to two hours. It was free or included in a monthly fee. I felt better after working out without the kids.

Answer 4

I assume you've talked about how you feel to your husband. You don't mention this or how he has reacted, so it is difficult to know how open he might be to something like couple's therapy. If he knows you are feeling so desperate then he really should be working with you to find a solution (like therapy). If he knows but has ignored it then that suggests he isn't a very good person. Leaving is obviously a major decision, especially with kids, and unless there is violence in a relationship the idea of walking out without explaining to your partner and working on it is reprehensible. You made the decision to get married and have children and you owe it to them both to work at the relationship. However, there is no question that years of unhappiness isn't good for anyone, especially the children (despite the idea of 'staying together for the kids') so I would suggest you speak to your partner if you haven't already, do everything you can to save the relationship, and if all else fails then I suppose you must leave. But don't take the decision lightly!

Answer 5

I am not going to tell you to leave the father of your children because that is a decision that you are going to have to make on your own but I do think that that is very, VERY unfair to you. You would like to go out and have fun just like he likes it and it's unfair that you are forced to always stay home with the kids all of the time. I always thought that a marriage was suppose to be fair to both parties involved, not just one-sided. You shouldn't allow this to go on. I think you deserve some free time, everyone does. I would have to go against his wishes and hire someone (that I trusted of course) to keep the kids every once and a while. It doesn't always have to be a complete stranger, try to get someone within the family to watch the kids. You have to do something that will allot you some free time. You don't want to spend the rest of your life feeling the way that you feel now.

Answer 6

I feel you . I went through that and it was hard at times but I stuck in there because I new he was a good man and a good father I didn't want a step dad for my children. Believe me there were times I wanted to leave my self. Being married it's takes alot of hard work and it take two to make it work. Maybe you need to have a family member watch the kids so you and your husband have some alone time and you need to tell him how you feel and communicate with each other.

Answer 7

Your problem is you are feeling unloved by your Husband.
His problem is probably He is feeling disrespected by you.
If you are not Respectful to your Husband, you can talk a blue moon and it will do no good. It will actually harm the relationship. Sit down together where it's quiet, free of distractions, and tell him your concerns Respectfully, quickly as possiable, do not draw it out and make it a long thing.
Men do not deal well with that. They do not have all the emotions we do. They have logic, we have emotions. Anyway, talk concern Respectfully and try to come up with a medium where it is well with both of you. Instead of Him going out with His friends, or you wanting to go out with your friends your Marriage would be alot better off, if you two went out together somewhere Alone once a week or every two. Wish ya the best. This will help you, if you will take it to heart. I listed below some material that will further help you, God Bless.

Answer 8

If it is possible for you, you need to have a serious talk with your husband. You cannot go on like this much longer. Believe me I know from experience. I can understand how hard it to trust others with your kids, but there has to be someone you can trust. Even if you only get a couple of hours on your nights off away, that is better than nothing. If it does not good talking to your husband, then you might want to think about leaving. You really don't want your kids to see you this miserable for the rest of your life do you? And believe me, they can tell. I know this is very hard, but ultimately, you have to whats best for you and your kids. Good luck.

Answer 9

Two hours before he normally goes out, just leave to go to the store or whatever. Don't return until the next morning, leaving him stuck with the children all night. When you returns and he fusses just say, "I needed a girl's night out, I knew you wouldn't mind."

He is probably home on the weekend. On a three day holiday weekend, early Saturday morning leave a note on the table, "Hi love,I decided to take a 3 day vacation; I'll be home late Monday night." He is not going to be happy being stuck with the kids for three days. When he complains, just blow him off by saying, "You are just over reacting. I'm taking some time off for me."

After you get off work, don't return home until just before he leaves for work. When he questions you say, "A few of us decided to party and have a few drinks after work." His mind will be overactive wondering if you and some guy was doing something.

After all that, he should agree you get one of the two night a week.

Answer 10

I honestly think if you felt strong enough about it and upset enough about it to post it here you should show him exactly what you have writen on here if you feel you cant maybe you could write him a note before you go to work saying how your feeling.

He needs to make time for you in his life if he keeps going out the two nights your working your already a single mum as you never get to spend time with him.

Try to get him to do something like having a date at home ie a movie and takeaway together when the children go to bed.

Ask him how he'd feel maybe about leaving the children with family or someone you both trust.

Good luck hun I hope things work out

Answer 11

Personally, I could never be in a relationship like this. You and your husband should each have a day to yourselves, each week, while the other one watches the kids. If you can, make your days off coincide with his, then one day a week, he can watch the kids during the day while you go out and you can watch them at night while he goes out. The other day off that you both have, you can have a family day, where you, your husband, and your kids all spend the day together. Your husband really needs to man up to this relationship and do more than just work. It sounds like he also needs to work on his relationship with both you and your kids. Children need an active father figure in their lives and you need your husband to act like a man.