How do I deal with my husbands ex girlfriend when they have a baby together and the ex hates me? HELP!?

Question

So heres the thing my now husband and I started dating in May of last year when his ex girlfriend decided to pop up a month later and claim she was pregnant and it was his. He proposed to me in October we wed in March while the whole time planning a wedding we were coping with the possiblity that he may have a child. She had the baby in January, 3 months before we got married so my husband being the responsible man that he is told her in the beginning that he would pay for things if she would get a paternity test done. She didnt agree and so this has gone through the courts. A court ordered paternity test was done about 2 months ago now mind you the baby is now 9 months old, her mother is a complete psycho and would love nothing more than to make my husband miserable. Well she has drug her feet on everything, calling and making excuses about why the test results havent come yet we finally received them on October 4th. The baby is his. How do I deal with her feelings towards me?

Answer 1

wow i know its a lot to think about and a huge mess but try to remember one thing...is that there is a beautiful child in the middle of all this and is being used as a pawn...I would stay out of the picture as much as u can...dont go with ur husband to pick up the child...if she calls try not to allow her to hear ur voice...just try to make urself scarce...i know its hard but u sound like an intelligent woman one who listens to reason...if the mother is being difficult i would keep a diary of everything she says and does.. have ur husband put stuff in it too and if things get worse see the judge and offer your home for the child...you may have a better chance and it may be better for the child...no child deserves to be used...this baby didnt ask to be born...they chose it for her...now its time to become an adult and make the right decision...take care of that baby and give him/her all the love you can show them...dont worry so much as to what she thinks of you..its not about u its about the baby :) your doing the right thing for your husband though and supporting him and being there for him...sounds like ur a good woman and will make a great mom someday

Answer 2

You seem to have the real problems here. Why couldn't your wedding wait until all of this was cleared up? A baby is a big deal and instead of assuming the child wasn't his, your husband should have assumed it was until proof otherwise. For nine months he has denied his child, and no amount of excuses can rectify that. You seem to have as much, if not more, bad feelings for this birth mother. After all, are you medically qualified to label someone a psycho? Do you believe she had this child just to make your husband's life miserable? Do you think after all she has been through she doesn't have a right to be a little miffed? Your husband fathered her child, and she has had to fight him every step of the way, and she knows you are probably nudging him on. Think first about this innocent child, because this little person is the only innocent in this whole mess. Think about your behavior in this situation and your part in the discord. Because when something gets this bad everyone has helped to get it to that point. You and your husband can only change your own behavior and feelings, you can't change hers. So you do the right thing as a step-mother, and your husband should step up to the plate and do what he needs to do as a father. Then, even if the birth mother hates you both you know you are doing the right thing. That is what counts.

Answer 3

Look, you need to put all your attention into be happy with your spouse and starting your own family. Obviously, it was not meant for them to be together and that is why they are not. The baby on the other hand is another issue. You simply need to let your husband handle that. She will never like you, at least not until she grows up and moves on. So to make things smoother between your husband and the baby, you have to simply place her on the back burner and help him with his baby. If it is at all possible or in your budget maybe the two of you can get the baby and raise he or she. But if this is not in the plan you really just have to forget her and enjoy your own life. It is really not your call either way. I know that may seem a little harsh but it is true, you really have nothing to do with the situation. Your husband has to do this. I really hope that things get better for you guys.

Good luck

Answer 4

wow how modern technology has set us back from being able to clearly communicate with on another. So lets just think about this for a moment. All people are hurting right now, understandably of coarse. Get out your pen and paper and write a letter to the EX, and the new girlfriend. Whatever you need to say, say it, and put an end to the drama. You do not need to tell your ex to stop flirting with you, that will end soon anyway. Think about it. There will never be an instant solution to this, so take one day at a time. Smart people talk, smarter people know when not to talk.

Answer 5

She is never going to like you, you know that. She will probably be a pain in your side forever. To deal with her feelings toward you, the best thing to do is ignore her. If she does talk mean to you, just smile. If you have to say something to her, try saying it in a nice way. Be the better person. She sounds like the type of person that will want to fight about anything she can. You and your husband pay what you need to and visit with the child because the child is what matters. As it gets older, the mother will probably put the child in the middle, trying to use it as a weapon against you and your husband. She sounds like my ex-wife. Anyway, good luck.

Answer 6

get over it
so what shes a *****

This is what you do try not to provoke her
and keep notes about any incidents that you and your husband have with her
Make sure if you give her money that she signs a receipt seriously
If there is ever a time when you feel like you and your husband can take better care of the baby then she can
take her to court
You and your husband really need to focus on what's best for that baby, because it can't protect itself
Encourage your husband to be very active in the childs life
GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

You and your husband have alot to deal with now. The child is the most important thing. As for the mother you will never change her feelings toward you, but over the years when she moves on with her life ( I sure she is still hung up on your husband and may even blame you that they are not together) things will change. Just move on and forget about how she feels toward you. Its not her who you married all that matters is your husband everything else is between them.

Answer 8

she hates you or does she hate him for getting her pregnant and leaving her to raise a child? Sounds like she hates him and is taking it out on you. If the exGF showed up one month after you started dating him saying she was pregnant and baby was born in the first part of January, do you realise that means he was sleeping with her when you started to date??? Add the times honey I have two kids and the math says he was still sleeping with her when he was startin to date you....I can see where the girl would feel hostile toward you and him. But now for the rest of his life he has to deal with her because they share a child. Both financially and emotionally. You're in for a long miserable time. Seek counceling or try to become friends with her.

Answer 9

Have as little to do with her as possible. Let your husband handle whatever communication must occur because of his child. When you do have to interact with the ex, always be civil even if she is being difficult. The less reaction she gets out of you, the less likely she is to mess with you. Be a good stepmother to your husband's child. The baby is completely innocent of this conflict.

Answer 10

Wow...you have some screwed-up issues there.if your husband had a baby with that woman...it is his responsibility to help her raise it. There's nothing you should do about it. However, the courts can give her a restraining order wherein she may not be able to contact your husband/you or your future children unless for the purpose of financial settlements. Talk to your lawyer about such a possibility.