Should I keep my sexuality a secret?

Question

So...to start things off, I'm bi. Well, bi-curious, at least. I know for a fact I'm not heterosexual. Its a little hard to find out when I live at home and I'm in the closet.

Anyway, I was in Boy Scouts, and Still am active as a venture scout (like an adult leader, just under 21). Next year, I will be 21, and will become an adult leader. Next summer I am going on a camping trip with my troop for 3 weeks.

Anyway, most of my friends are from boy scouts, and my brothers are all active members.

If I tell anyone that I'm bi, and that information gets to the Boy Scouts, I will be kicked out of scouting, and will lose contact with a large quanitity of friends.

I'm certain my family would be okay with my sexuality, but I need to know:

Should I stay in the closet until after I have gone on the long camping trip with the Boy Scouts next summer? Should I even come out at all?

Answer 1

Hello turtle:

Before you make a life-changing decision like this, you should speak with a therapist, or other trained counselor. If you decide you are bisexual or homosexual, you need to be honest with the Venture group and tell them your status. You will be asked to leave, but it is better to go honestly, than to be discovered and forced out. You are aware of the policy of the BSA, and to continue to participate in opposition to this policy will be a violation of your own honor and trustworthiness. Could you live with yourself knowing you are violating the rule? If you do not want to reveal your orientation to the group, you can quit and just say that you no longer have time for the group.

"To thine own self, be true," and so shall you be to others.

Answer 2

Hi, as some one who finally came out at 48 when I finally figured things out I have to say I wish I had figured it out a lot earlier.
I assume when you say bi-curious that you haven't acted on your curiosity. As a former scout and junior leader, I also understand your devotion to scouting. However, at this point you also need to remember that you are talking about your life and scouting is a part of it, not all of it. At this time, it may seem that it is, but you have a lot more life to live.
The first thing I would recommend is to speak to someone you can totally trust. That person also needs to be neutral when it comes to sexuality. I think that is important because you shouldn't be talking to someone who will judge you.
If, in the course of discussions, you do realize that you are bi or gay, I think you owe it to yourself to come out. It really means being truthful to yourself and others. I'll remind you that amongst other things, a scout is truthful.
As for the timing, only you can decide whether the long camping trip is the most important thing so that you want to delay the decision.
Wish you the best of luck. It sounds like you think that your family will be OK. That's important. Just remember that just as it is taking you time to decide if you are bi or gay, you will need to give them time to accept this new information about you if that is what you ultimately decide.

Answer 3

ok well it sound like a real delima... but, i understand that you want to come out and congrats... you first need to acept your self before anything else. ok so about the trip do you really want to go on the trip? is it that big of a deal.... are you willing to deny who you are in order to go... and with your family being ok with it is a start... i wouldnt tell them quite yet even if you know that they might be ok with it because if you reall ywant to go then wait till oyu get back to tell them anything... just dont fell like your losing your self and who you are in the process... and i have a question.... why cant you come out and say your gay... why would you be kicked out of the boy scouts... ok and next summer is the trip so just come out... why wait and deny who your are as i said previous... and with your friends im pretty sure if you can get a number of people who can say that your the niceest person in the boy scouts and that they dont care weather your gay bi or straight then mabey you can come to an agreement with the other leaders and you can still participate in the trip and the boy scouts......well i hope i helped

Answer 4

hey I understand you and I think that you should not tell anyone at this moment because to me being bi-sexual just means that you are confused, I am! I mean I love who ever i am with just love each of them differently and what I ultimatly choose will be a choice down the line.

I think that because Boyscouts are such a big part of your life and it sounds like you do not have a big enough outside fan base to take up the slack boyscouts yet you might want to hold off till it is more concrete about your decision to be sexually whatever.

It is not right that a group like that will ban you from such an innocent practice because of something you cannot control.

You will know when the time is right to come out but in the mean time i suggest going out and having fun with other individuals who are like minded till you come out to anyone.

Why do something that can cause you pain when you are not even sure this is your full time affair.

Answer 5

I would have to say that at this time in your life, it would be probably safer to stay in the closet. I know teens can be very mean when it comes to acceptance in a peer group. Coming out of the closet can even lead to assault. I personally believe that if you are gay or straight, it doesn't matter and you should be able to express that however you want (without infringing on anybody else's rights; don't go firebombing churches because they are against homosexuality). The reality however is that there are always going to be a set of the population who are anti-gay to an extreme, and willing to infringe on your rights to that extreme. Stay safe and good luck.

Answer 6

If you want to remain actively involved in scouting, no, you shouldn't come out at all. You already know you will be asked to leave if you come out. You already know they BSA stand on homosexuality and homosexual involvement in the BSA.

If you are really adiment about staying with Scouting, stay in the closet.
They are not subject to ENDA laws because they claim to be a "faith based" non-profit. Therefore, its really up to you and what you want out of scouting.


As far as your family and friends not involved in scouting, that's really up to you. If you feel your family will accept this news well, then by all means...come out to them. Let them know what Scouting means to you and ask them to help keep that information within the family.
But if you question your family at all, I would seriously ask you consider your loyalties.

Answer 7

WOW, That's a really hard question to answer. Maybe come out to your inner family and friends, the people you can trust. Unfortunately the Boy Scouts can be such ******* in matters like this one.

Answer 8

Do you know who you are? It seems you do, so why do you have to tell everyone?
Coming out is a personal choice, but in my opinion, if you think it'll wreck your life, why risk it? You know who you are, so find a guy that loves who you are also. There's no reason to proclaim to the world that you're gay, because guess what! You didn't have to proclaim your straightness to the world. I don't know, I mean if you feel it's necessary, go for it, but if you don't feel like you're lying, then just chill and let it be part of who you are.

Answer 9

It depends on your priorities. You will indeed be kicked out if you come out. If the summer program is important enough, then wait. But not coming out at all? It really is just a question of when, not whether. You'll save yourself a lot of personal grief if you come out now that you're old enough to be completely on your own.

Good luck.

Answer 10

you should not come out untill you have finished with the boy scouts altogether. better for you in your situation to wait untill your in a collage.