Marry an ex-call girl?

Question

I recently found out that my fiance used to be a call-girl working in California over 18 years ago. We are in our 40's and on our second relationships now. She is wonderful in bed, and once she broke down and shared her past with me it disgusts me that she is so skilled. I appreciate her honesty, I fell in love with her now not her past, and She was only "employed" with the escort service for 3 months till she got busted by an undercover cop. How many guys can you do in 3 months? A Lot I bet!!! And to get to the point in life where it seems like an OK option is scary also. Not wanting to end the relationship over her being honest, I am not retarded, but trying to deal with my own feelings of judgement(I know it is not right), disgust, and embarassment if anyone I know ever found out. She€ came clean since we are getting married and she afraid of apply for a government job and the background check showing her pandering charge.

Great answers, I know it was 18 years ago. I know she is different now. I know that I really would not care if friends found out as much as you may think. And I do know she is "clean" now (D/D free). What I guess I want to hear is how do you become that easy going guy who doesn't sweat the small stuff, who honestly lets the past be the past, and what (besides the obvious to forgive and forget people's past) would I tell my 4 children if they found out? I enjoyed more than sex with this woman, we are 40-something and know sex is only a part of a relationship, but I would NEVER pay for sex from a hooker, or think that it was ok to do so or sell myself as one poster suggested. I really HONESTLY do want to be the compassionate, unconditional love giving, gentle person I know would handle this situation perfectly...but I, like her, am human and fall short of perfection...it just makes my stomach turn to know she has been "used" also. Remember, I do love her.
How do I forgive?

Answer 1

Based upon your question I would say no, don't marry her for 2 reasons.The first reason:because in the back of your mind,the resentment will always be there.Right now you're torn. Theres a part of you that really loves her and doesnt want to lose her,but theres the other part of you that is hurt by her past and is disgusted by it.Right now your juggling both emotions.There are times you feel like you're ok with her past and then there are times where it becomes more than you can handle.
The second reason is for her.Why should she marry some one who doesnt love her unconditionally,who is disgusted by her past,who,and forgive me for saying this,thinks she's nothing more than a "slut".Are you the type of guy where if you two have a heated argument,you will throw her past up in her face.Does she deserve that?Remember,she did this before she met you. Why should she be in a marrage that condems her past?

Answer 2

What I would do is get some premarital counseling alone and with her. This really does bother you and you need to find out if you could honestly deal with it and accept her for who she is today? She may have worked longer in the business but you will never know if she isn't truly honest here. The thought of her past sex career makes you feel disgust because it goes against the moral values that are part of your character and possibly would be unacceptable should family and friends somehow discover it. If I were you I would be curious to know what lead her to this and why? I would listen to her reason and find out if she quit the bussiness because this was really what she didn't want or if she only quit because she got caught. Find out how she views other women in the sex industry and if she is now against it and why.....this is the answer you need to hear. If she is still for it then she has no morals and her sense of emotions could be warped for it. If she believes that all men cheat because of the type of men that seviced the bussiness she may not have much trust in you to be right. On the other hand if she believes in love and claims faith in you she may be pretty level headed here and make you a good wife and no one ever has to know about it but you!! People change and things happen and we are who we are today and how we look at things because of past experience. I would believe in who she is today and look toward the future and enjoy my life with her because you love her. You are in her life for a reason and maybe you are the one to teach her what love and intimacy really means between a man and a woman? The way you feel about life and love possibly makes you more skilled when it comes to being in her life? Those men did not care for her and she did not care for them.....it was a bad means to make a paycheck and for whatever reasons at the time she felt she needed to do it. You have a lot to think about with her and I suggest that you both talk with a proffessional and get everything out in the open before the day you are married.

Answer 3

At your age and with your experience, you know the woman you are dating has had a previous life, everyone has one... If you can look past the monetary aspect of her sexual relations it was just having sex, one night stands with strangers. Show me a single woman, without children, in her 30's or 40's who hasn't had multiple relationships going on, who hasn't woken up in a strange bed....

If i compare that to 'other' things, like 4 children from 4 different fathers, it's not all that bad, especially her knowing how to please you. She probably didn't learn it all in 3 months... Probably things she really enjoys doing and only does for you now...

If you want to keep her, don't ever bring up the issue again, she has put it behind her & she wants you and has been honest with you. Bringing it up would be an attack on her integrity. If you can't get over it, cut it off. You will be sorry later on.

Answer 4

I'm sure that was a shocker for you, but it was over 18 years ago, people change. I don't know if she told you why she did it, but perhaps she was desperate and seriously needed the money. We all make mistakes, some worse than others. If she only did it for 3 months over 18 years ago, that to me is no big deal. If she did it for a few years not too long ago, then that would be hard. I am also curious. I thought that after so many years a persons criminal record is wipped clean? I don't mean murderers and the really bad stuff, I just thought things like this. If you really love her, then you accept the person for who they are and don't hold the past against them. I wish her luck with her job searching. I think it is sad when one did something that long ago, for such a short time and it affects them for life.

Answer 5

You wouldn't be normal if you were not feeling the way you are feeling now.
Well, it is understandably a big shock and something very difficult to deal with.
However, it is also a test to your feelings for her. If you truly love her, then her past won't stay in the way.
She could have had threesomes like many do in their youths or even as married couples, yikes! exactly, but just to show you, it's not the numbers that matters.
It's up to you. It's a lot to deal with and obviously, yes, you may run into indelicate people, complete a..holes who might think it funny to put her down. But again, before being hard for you, it'll be 10times harder for her.
So, if you do love her, help her keep her head high, as after all, we all make mistakes, and if you don't or can't cope, then feel free to walk away.
You can only take what you can cope with, and love does make it easier.
Good luck.xxx
ps: it's not up to you to forgive is it? It's more for her to forgive herself. She doesn't owe you an apology for her past. But, she needs your support for this relationship to work.
So, it's not about forgiving her. She made her mistake in the past.
It's about standing up for her now and love her now and respect who she is now.
What matters is what happens now that you are together.
She can't do anything about her past. Neither can you.
So, what about the present and the future.
Will you ever throw it to her face?
Will you accept to let her be and help her be the woman she wants to be? Be there for her? As you would with someone you love?
She hasn't killed anybody. She made the wrong choice about her lifestyle and well, she knows that.
Now, what she wants is to move on with her life, with someone who can take her as she is, now.
Good luck.xx

Answer 6

sure and no. On one hand, you at the instant are not over-reacting because of the fact the percentages of fulfillment listed here are enormously small thinking each and every of the aspects, that's authentic. yet... this is no longer impossible. he's a mature, grown-up person. So finally that's none of your enterprise. that's in contrast to those with such age adjustments on no account artwork it out. that's in contrast to call women on no account replace. that's in contrast to short engagements on no account artwork out. And understanding one yet another for over a year is honestly no longer too undesirable. I knew my spouse even below that as quickly as I have been given engaged, and our engagement replace into basically six months! we've been fortunately married for 9 years. Granted she replace into no longer a call female and the age is a lot closer, yet it extremely is the factor. each and every of the little issues do no longer remember. It completely relies upon on the persons in touch. he is going to stay his existence. enable him! yet as a pal, shop a beware for obtrusive signs and warning signs of sure problems, and be there if this falls aside. that's what the activity of a pal is.

Answer 7

well this can be a tough one for u but if i was u i would think this out real good before i made my decission. i know a women like her too. when she was doing her work she sent money home to her mother and little brothers and sisters and also made her way through school. now she is a counceler with children that are a little bad, which is got to be close to a goverment job. she is also happily married, her husband knows about her past. and she's one straight and honest women. a good friend too. i never asked them how thier sex life is. i'm single, lemmie know if u dump her cause i might be interested.

Answer 8

My question to you is, had you proposed to your fiance on the basis of her skill in the bedroom? Most men do not choose wisely - they are easily 'hooked' by looks and willingness to perform sexual acts. These are not things that make a difference in a good marriage. If everything else is good in your relationship then what are you really complaining about? If it is not - you have a 'just cause' to back out of the marriage. Say you made a mistake and move on.

Answer 9

If a "call girl" works for three months (90 days) and sees 3 people per day (one in the morning, one in the afternoon and on at night) that's 270 men at most. Some of them may have been returning customers, so it's 200 at least.

If I was in your situation, I would call the marriage off. Do you honestly want to be married (and thus spend the rest of your life) to a woman who has had sexual relations with over 200 men?

Answer 10

Well the record of her charges won't leave her. but no one you know should ever see what she was arrested for. So long as she gets a job that she likes and theres no problem there then I would encourage you to forget the past. However if she is unable to work because of the background check, then I would bail. In this day and age, you need two incomes to make it really