Is 21 too young to be married?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years (I'm 18), and we are very serious about our relationship. For me, I think family is more important than a career, so when I have finished university I would like to get married and start a family and get a 'normal' job (and use my degree when I'm a bit older, e.g. mid/late-twenties).

However, my grandparents are saying that I am too young, I'm being stupid, I should live life a bit first, I won't be able to enjoy myself, etc, etc. But I don't enjoy going out partying - in fact, almost everything I do enjoy are child friendly activities - e.g. theme parks, bowling, etc. My Nana in particular also says that our relationship will not last, I'll have other boyfriends, and I'll have changed my mind before I am 21. I disagree, but she doesn't care!

So, please could I have your [sensible] opinions on the matter? (I don't mind if you think it is too young, but justify your answers please!)

Thanks in advance! =)

Answer 1

My family thought the same (of course, my Mom didn't get married until she was 38, and my Dad had a doctorate)... My husband's family was similarly upset and said we'd never last. At the time, I was still a college student, and my husband was a grad student, but we both managed to finish our degrees while being married.
Nevertheless, I got married at 19 (husband was then 25), and 5 years later, we're still together, and still happy (just bought our first house).
There's no sense waiting when you've found the one you love, and there's no telling when you find your soulmate--some find theirs when they're 40, and some find them when they're 18.

Answer 2

My mother and my sister got married at 21 and my mum and dad were married for 53 years and my sister must be coming up to 30 odd years married. The problem is that neither of them thought it was a good idea and have both said they regretted it. I didn't marry until I was 40 (which is just typical, I do everything upside down). The problems they have are that they think they missed out on the travel, experiences and maturity they would have liked to take into a marriage. People change so much from age 18-25 that sometimes, people you thought were the bees knees at 18 turn out to be twits at 26! Its just life. I think that, as you and your bf are already very happy, that waiting a little longer than 21 might be good for both of you. I would also point out that your degree might be worthless by the time you get round to using it as employers don't have the same views as you on family versus career. Shame but true. We all suffer this dilemma. I went back to work after my second child having squeezed a university degree in and with 20 odd years of experience and I am in a c..p job with low pay as nobody else would take me seriously. So, I suppose I wouldn't like it if my daughter said she was getting married so young because I know how much there is out there to experience and the last thing I want for my children and grandchildren is single parent stuff (I did that too - not much fun). Anyway, think about it and wait until you are 100% sure yourself. No matter what other people say, you have to 'know' and that is all that counts in the end. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Answer 3

No, it's not too young. If you have everything laid out or planned out like a job, home, money, future...then you're fine. It looks like you're planning ahead, which is the opposite of rushing it. It will only help your relationship to blossom and grow in those couple of years. I don't feel that there is an age cap on love. If it is love, not lust or a crush, then 21 is not too young. Hubby and I married at 21, but we knew each other a long time first. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary. Being friends first and getting to know each other is a good first start. Good Luck and good job setting your priorities and goals.

Answer 4

I got married at 21 right after I graduated, and he was pretty much my first boyfriend. We told people that we wanted to start a life together rather than make lives and try to see if we could fit the other person in later. We chose each other over everything else. It's just all about what people want from life. Being married has not hindered either of our careers, and it's been 4 years and we are still super happy.

I did make it a point to graduate first. I wanted a career, and I would not get married till I had my degree in hand. But, I think if you guys get out of college and still want to be together, go for it. Start your lives together:)

Answer 5

I got married at 21 a friend got married at 17 to young depends on the person. One thing I do know is that as you enter your late teens early twenties you think your finally an adult that your all grown up and legally your right. Emotionally and personally you have miles to go. Marriage is so much different then dating. Its work hard work. Most like you're going to read this and say "I know all relationships are work" or "I'm ready for the hard work" its something no one can verbally express and you may be ready but it is tough some times and is different. I love my husband so much please dont get me wrong on that and if you are ready it is so worth it

Answer 6

I don't think age has anything to do with it. I got married on my twenty-first birthday, my husband is two years older than me and we have been together since I was sixteen. We have been through an awful lot together, and dealt with it. I'm now 24 and we have three children, and our relationship is stronger than ever. Before our wedding we had gone through several stressful times, including several miscarriages, the death of both my husbands grandmothers, a huge family row which split the family in two and my postnatal depression after the birth of my daughter. It's not always easy but if its what you want age really isn't whats important.

Answer 7

I got married at 18. I am happier than ever. I don't enjoy partying or going out without my kids either... I never have enjoyed partying after I had my first daughter. I had my daughter at 15 and never looked back! I think some women are made for family life and some aren't. If you feel that's what you truly want, then go for it. You want to finish school so it's not like you are having kids without a job or a husband. I'd do it! :)

Answer 8

I know so many people that have got a divorce just because they felt like they had 'missed out' on something. Either one of you could wake up at 26 or 27 and think "oh, my gosh, what was I thinking?!?!" and then a whole lot of people get hurt. I think that is what your family wants to help you avoid.

But I will let you know that if BOTH of you are determined to make this work, it can be done, I have just celebrated my 21st anniversary and am still in love with my husband (but there were days I would have told you that could never happen.)

Blessings!!

Answer 9

Only you can answer this one really.

But to be honest, no - 21 isn't necessarily too young. I suggest maybe giving it a year, but if you're sure - you're sure. Besides, being married isn't the end of your life - it's the start of the next phase.

The REAL life changing things will happen when the kids arrive. But 21 is still a long way away, keep it all in mind but don't stress it.

Answer 10

You could meet the love of your life while aged 1, no-one can question if your bf is or isn't worthy of you.

The problem is percentages, and your grandparents are right, the odds are seriously stacked against you at this age. You may prove everyone wrong, but if people were to have your best interests at heart, they would try to ward you off to wait for a time when you are more worldly wise and better equipped to face the challenges of married life.