I recently met this guy and we're becoming great friends. He's from Spain, masculine, talks about sports and beer, but never mentions girls. I'm assuming he is straight, due to some other remarks so I think he would be uncomfortable if he knew his new friend was gay. So... I'm not exactly telling him. I wouldn't lie if he asked, and I don't feel censored around him, so if he doesn't have to tell me he's straight why should I have to announce I'm gay?
2007-10-08 05:02:27 · 37 answers · asked by Joseph C 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
he probably already knows anyway. of course given our biased society he may think you just don't want to come out. he's respecting your "space" so to speak. the only thing i would do is just tell him flat out. if he's your friend he won't care. just tell him "look, this has been bothering me, i feel like i want/need to tell you i'm gay". i say that because it is bothering you or else you wouldn't have asked the question. so get it off your chest. i understand though, you don't like feeling like you're "hiding a secret". because in a way it makes it seem like there's something wrong and if he were to find out "HELLS BELLS" sort of thing. relax like i said he probably knows, and if he's your friend he doesn't care. if he has a problem with it oh well. that's his problem. you can't be that desperate for friends.
2007-10-08 05:29:46 · answer #1 · answered by vanessa w 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I don't see why you should have to tell him you're gay. I mean, it's really up to you whether you let people know that or not.
But if you become better friends, you may want to consider it if he hasn't found out by then. Only because you should be able to trust friends and be open with them.
I do see your point though, why should you go out of your way to tell someone your sexual preference when that's not what most people talk about? It's not that you should have to, but the majority of people are not gay so he may be interested to know you are.
If you think he might be uncomfortable because of your status, that's not good either. It should kind of make you consider the friendship altogether. If he doesn't accept you for you, as the cliche goes. But again you could be wrong, he may not even blink an eye. Just play it out a little longer, and perhaps you will find a moment where you just feel like mentioning it.
Good luck!
2007-10-08 05:13:10 · answer #2 · answered by Ambi 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't tell my friends what i do in the bedroom. Gay is about who you love, not who you are.
I'm not saying hide or be in the closet, but the bigger deal you make of it with your new friend the bigger a deal he will make.
And scott is wrong- you won't neccesarily lose the friendship if he is straight. My best friend came out to me in high school, I didn't care. he was my friend.
That is the major issue is that people think a gay man and a straight man can't be friends. And if they are the straight guy is just in the closet.
When we get past that way of thinking, we as a culture can move past this and grow.
2007-10-08 05:06:39 · answer #3 · answered by dougisdumb 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Exactly what you said, he's not announcing he's straight, so why tell him you're gay. You are 100% right in your answer... Just be friends, eventually the truth will come out, but who cares, because by then you two could be best friends. Then you both will sit back and laugh at how he couldn't have known. So just keep being yourself and be honest if he asks, which you said you would be. :)
2007-10-08 05:22:47 · answer #4 · answered by Jyse 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Firstly, it is the norm to be straight and hence people assume that you are. However, you should immediately tell him your gay because that may change his whole persona about you. If it were me (the straight guy) then I would be absolutly angry if I found out a good friend was gay and never told me. You must realize that many people do not feel comfortable around gay people and therefore he must be informed or else he could act in ways that seem normal to him.
2007-10-08 05:08:35 · answer #5 · answered by 4th and Long 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You don't have to tell him. If you don't have feelings for him and just like hanging with him as a couple of guys there is no big issue. On the other hand, if feelings start croping up be prepared to tell him, but also be ready to be hurt and lose the friendship if he is straight.
2007-10-08 05:06:13 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't tell him at first...he might just figure it out. My friend told me he was gay and it really changed nothing.( We were friends for 2 years before he said anything) We are still great friends, but he knows I'm straight and we have some boundaries we don't cross.
2007-10-08 05:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by surfmerrick24 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a friend, no, you don't have to say it. I don't "advertise" I'm gay but if people ask me why I don't have a girlfriend/what types of girls I like, I'll tell them.
You don't need to have this huge neon sign saying "I'm gay" but you don't have to deny it. If it doesn't come up in conversation, there is no reason to force the issue.
2007-10-08 05:18:06 · answer #8 · answered by bishonenofcacophony 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree, he hasn't had to discuss his sexuality with you so why should you have to discuss yours with him?
I don't see the need to mention it unless it comes up. Let's say he wants to set you up with a female friend of his - this would be a good opportunity to decline and tell him that you are gay. If and when this occurs, if he is a good and accepting friend, I don't understand why it would be an issue.
2007-10-08 05:09:26 · answer #9 · answered by Christy ☪☮e✡is✝ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can’t hide it for ever. When he finds out I think he might stay away from you. I never saw straight guys with gay friends. I understand tolerance but I still don’t feel comfortable with gay friends. He may think the same to.
2007-10-08 05:11:53 · answer #10 · answered by ted 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋