2007-10-08 04:43:38 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Evaluate the circumstances of the person and the situation. Was he your boss, a friend, stranger?, If you believe that your husband will never find out - don't tell - it will ruin your relationship. You will need to find out why you did what you did and work on that with your husband. Something was missing and you need to find it. If you work on it and later he discoveries it you may have strengthened the relationship enough for your marriage to survive.
2007-10-08 04:55:01 · answer #1 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Telling him now only releives YOU of the guilt and hurts the other person. I'm all for honesty, but in this case, I'd continue to put the energy you put into the affair into your marriage and make every effort to walk the straight and narrow.
Look at what drove you to the affair and address those issues with your husband.
2007-10-08 04:55:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did your conscience get you to end the affair? If not, it''ll happen again. If so, let your conscience be a daily reminder not to let it happen again. Either way, DON'T TELL IT! If there is any chance it may be discovered, it would be better heard from you. But that's a lesser of 2 evils kinda deal. If you truly believed honesty was the best policy you would've talked about what made you cheat BEFORE you cheated, why start now? To make you feel better, that's the only reason. Spare his feelings, stay and be faithful from here out or leave, but spare his feelings.
2007-10-08 04:59:22 · answer #3 · answered by Dirt E. Deeds 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with the people that are saying don't tell him. If the affair is over put it behind you, the right thing is to show your husband you love him and how special he is to you and never stray again, if you feel the urge to stray again then do the next right thing, get a divorce first.
2007-10-08 04:53:49 · answer #4 · answered by Maria A. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not tell him. Telling him would be extremely selfish. The only reason you want to tell him is to ease your own guilt - bad! Any therapist will tell you the same.
As long as the affair is over and you don't plan on doing it again, keep it to yourself. Go to counseling if you're having a hard time with your behavior, but don't ruin your husband's life because you feel guilty.
2007-10-08 04:52:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly I would tell him ...then I would just get a divorce! You are in a situation where your dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. The trust will be severly injured forever and if he does learn to live with it..... in the future he may find comfort in getting something else on the side! You might as well face it that your just not happy with him and not punish yourself by staying in the relationship here! Even if you choose not to tell him your still going to be miserable and you know it. If it were me I would just get out... then to live my whole life with him and being reminded that I cheated on him. If you decide to tell him I would do it in a counselors office so that someone can help him deal with it.
2007-10-08 05:35:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO!! DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE HERE BECAUSE THEY DO NOT KNOW YOUR HUSBAND AND THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW WOULD HE REACT(MIGHT BE AGGRESSIVE).TRUST ME EVEN IF HE FORGIVES YOU HE WILL ALWAYS USE IT AGAINST YOU AND YOU WILL LOOSE HIS TRUST EVEN IF YOU TOLD HIM FOR THE MERE FACT YOU HAVE DONE IT. I WILL TELL YOU WHY-HAVING ONE NIGHT STAND AND THEN CONFESSING IS SLIGHTLY FORGIVABLE BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT GOING BEHIND HIS BACK BUT AN AFFAIR WHERE LYING WAS INVOLVED EVEN IF YOU CAME CLEAN NOW YOU HAVE STILL LIED.DO NOT DO IT. WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW DOES NOT HURT. SOME TIME LATER IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT WORKING AND YOU ARE GOING TO SPLIT ANYWAY STILL IF YOU ARE THINKING OF TELLING HIM DON'T THIS CAN BACKFIRE!!!!KEEP SILENT AND FOR YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS JUST TRY AND JUSTIFY IT FOR YOURSELF-AFTER ALL ARE YOU WILLING TO THROW EVERYTHING AWAY? IF NOT THEN DO NOT TELL HIM BECAUSE TO YOU THIS AFFAIR MIGHT HAVE NOT BEEN SO IMPORTANT AND THIS IS THE REASON YOU HAVE ENDED IT ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN LEAVE IT THAT WAY. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOSE HIM DO NOT TELL HIM.
GOOD LUCK
2007-10-08 04:58:03 · answer #7 · answered by daisy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As somebody who was on the crappy side of a cheating relationship, I can tell you I was happier not knowing. However, if you ever get caught (doesn't matter if it's 10 years from now, there's no statute of limitations on cheating) you will probably destroy your relationship. It's a gamble - tell him now, be very honest, and likely you will split up, at best you will shake your relationship to the core and may never recover. Or, don't tell him, things will continue to be great, and if he ever finds out you're screwed.
Again, I was happier not knowing my wife cheated.
2007-10-08 04:53:02 · answer #8 · answered by Bob 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You don't !! Telling him will only hurt him. You seem to want to relieve your own guilt at his expense . What he doesn't know cannot hurt him... If you tell him it will only hurt him. I suggest you stop thinking of only yourself and start looking into the mirror, lady. Haven't you done enough damage already ?? "The right thing" would have been to stay faithful. You cannot do the right thing now, ... except for keeping your guilt to yourself. Sorry, .. that's the real deal, hun.
2007-10-08 04:50:55 · answer #9 · answered by Raptor 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to get a divorce? Do you want to put a strain on an already strained relationship? If you think he doesn't know you are wrong. If he wanted to discuss this and have it in the face he would have confronted you about it. Let it go. He doesn't want the details or the discussion. He wants to keep his head in the sand and get over it in his own way.
2007-10-08 04:58:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋