I am in my late 30's and married for almost four years. A few nights ago, my husband let me know he wanted a little action before turning in for the evening. No problem there. After I got out of the shower, I went to bed. My husband followed with his own shower. But he didn't come straight to bed. He showed up a short time later already sporting an erection. He had gone to computer to look at porn before he came to bed to me. He tried to hide his erection as he got in bed. I don't care if my husband looks at porn, but he made me feel like I couldn't get the job done and I was just a fill in for whomever he was looking at on the computer. Did he think I wouldn't notice? Do I have a valid right to feel put out over this? If this man is going to have to look at porn to get excited enough to have sex with me, I don't want him. By the way, I am in excellant shape, no kids, college educated...it is not a case of me letting myself go. Should I be concerned or just get over it?
2007-10-08 04:38:02 · 13 answers · asked by Jane 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We do watch together. No problem on my part. The other night, it just seemed as if he was just being extremely selfish. He was already aroused, so needless to say the foreplay I received was less than spectacular. Maybe that is why I am so ticked!
2007-10-08 04:52:46 · update #1
Why would he try to hide it? He even said "Don't look at me..." as he was getting under the covers. Like I wouldn't notice!
2007-10-08 05:28:10 · update #2
I've got to say as a porn lover (stories, pics, etc), I've never used it to get in the mood while she's waiting. That is ridiculous.
We've used porn to spice things up, to draw out foreplay and as entertainment on long road trips.
I've used porn to fill in the weeks between my wife of 14 years being "in the mood".
I'd ask him. Could be it wasn't to get in the mood, but perhaps just coincidence since he knew you were up waiting to do the bedsheet mumba...he couldn't keep it down
2007-10-08 08:10:56 · answer #1 · answered by scott_v1963 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It depends on the situation at hand....
My wife doesn't care too much for the foreplay or getting me ready, doesn't want to kiss and doesn't want me groping her.... wants it done and over with....
so, if i know there's going to be sex, my 5 minutes of flame, that alone is not necessarily enough to really excite me. I need the foreplay. i want to warm up the engine.
Unless you are into it, getting him ready and such, he's actually doing everyone a favor.
I don't believe a man would ever exchange some good foreplay for porn....
I want to add that no guy likes to be stopped in the middle of it all, because he's taking too long, and it's also very frustrating when a guy isn't excited enough to where he can have his eruption. A little preparation never hurts.
2007-10-08 12:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by De-Activated Bad Profile 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 19 years. My husband is an Army Vet. He does not need porn to get an erection but looks at porn, reads erotic stories, and tries to keep me from getting bored. Maybe he wanted to look for some things to help him get you revved a little and was to embarassed to say that. You have been married for almost four years. In the grand scheme of things that is not very long.
He is a man. Most men have a very hard time communicating effectively what they really are thinking.
They do much better with prompts. Ask questions and make them fun. Be adventurous. And let it go.
2007-10-08 11:51:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Perhaps you should suggest bringing some porn into the bedroom. Get a movie or something. It will add a whole new dimension to sex.
My experience with porn is this - it isn't that you look at porn because you're not attracted to your wife; you look at porn because it's different and stuff that you can't do with your wife. Not necessarily stuff you can't do like he's interested in midget donkey sex or something, but maybe you're a C cup and he's checking out A cup girls, or whatever. It's just appealing because it's outside the status quo.
Please don't make him feel bad about it. I would surprise him by renting an adult movie or something just to make him, and eventually you, happy. My wife is fantastic, and the other day I was looking at porn (she was out of town for a couple days) and found my mind wandering away from porn and fantasizing about her.
2007-10-08 11:49:08 · answer #4 · answered by Bob 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you have no problem with him looking at porn, then whats the big deal? I mean if you say go ahead honey... Then how can you be mad? I mean, yes it was kind of a bad time to do so, but you don't mind right?
Think about this, what if he was looking at what they were doing and coming to bed excited to do it with you? Would that make a difference? I know some men are just visual, but others get the idea in their head and want to do what they were watching... Maybe you should talk to him.
2007-10-08 11:45:01 · answer #5 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Need more info. You may be over reacting. You two may need to talk and you need to lesion. Some times a man needs a little help. Are you shy? Do you know how to play or are you under the covers and never let him see you? You do know what ever man what's in the bed room? I did have a lady Friend that never let me see her and it hurt. She did not know who to play. five minuets and she was done.
2007-10-08 11:55:47 · answer #6 · answered by tadm 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be happy. It meant less work for you. I'm a little surprised he did that because I like foreplay and the act of getting erection is part of the fun. I wouldn't read too much into it. Perhaps he was just really horny and wanted to get things started faster. Next time, try looking at the porn with him.
2007-10-08 11:42:05 · answer #7 · answered by Daniel L 2 · 0⤊ 5⤋
Porn is wrong. No matter what anybody says. It is also addictive. It has been the ruin of many relationships. You can give him the ultimatum, you or porn.
Watching porn is infidelity. As a married man, he has no business looking at other naked women. He will fight you tooth and nail on this matter. He will say it is 'normal' for a man. It is not normal, it is the sin of lust. He will defend it, because he wants to keep doing it. It is still wrong. He should let his own wife intoxicate him.
2007-10-08 11:46:58 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 4⤋
be honest with him in a nonconfrontational way... it would bother me... but focus less on the porn and more on the lack of foreplay... let's be honest... if YOUR needs were met, would you really have been upset about the porn?
2007-10-08 12:01:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Next time....you be the frisky one....and when he is taking his shower you get busy with the HUGE c*ck you bought at the naughty store down the street.....see how he feels when you are busy getting all worked up without him.
2007-10-08 11:56:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋