Is my text in English right? (i'm french)?

Question

"First of all, when we read first this short story for the first time we could be annoyed because this story is strange, a bit irrational and there is a lot of suspense ! Besides, we don't know exactly what's happened to Anna. Where did she go? Did she join her fiancé whose name is Vladimir? Was she really followed by a demon? Had she a lover? So many questions we could not resolve... But when wo look closer - or rather, when we read closer - this short story can be interesant: indeed, it informs us about customs in the 19th century : for instance, in those times, to have a son in America was considered a blight in a Jewish family (like having a convert or a suicide) and the historical context is respected, I think in particular to Ellis Island,it was the island where slaves were sent when they arrived in New York's harbour. Moreover, despite the fact os this story is irrational, it shows us the difficulty that people who come from another country can know when theyarrive in a country"

if you can use special english expressions ! tell me !!!
thank youu

Answer 1

Your punctuation needs a little help.

"First of all, when we read ( take out "first") this short story for the first time (add comma here , ) we could be annoyed because this story is strange, a bit irrational and there is a lot of suspense (take out this space ! ) Besides, we don't know exactly what's happened to Anna. Where did she go? Did she join her fiancé whose name is Vladimir? Was she really followed by a demon? Had she a lover? So many questions we could not resolve... (this could be replaced by semicolon ; ) But (this should be a lower case b ) when wo (typo - we ) look closer - or rather, when we read closer - (dashes are acceptable here, could be commas ) this short story can be interesant (Do you mean interesting?) : (Should be period . then capital I ) indeed, it informs us about customs in the 19th century : (Period . then capital F ) for instance, in those times, to have a son in America was considered a blight in a Jewish family (like having a convert or a suicide) and the historical context is respected, (Period here . ) I think (comma here , ) in particular to Ellis Island, (Space here) it was the island where slaves were sent when they arrived in New York's harbour (this is an old way to spell harbor ). Moreover, despite the fact os (typo of, should be "that" ) this story is irrational, it shows us the difficulty that people who come from another country can know when they (space here) arrive in a country"

One of your assumptions is incorrect, but you phrase it as "I think", so that's okay.

TD

Answer 2

When we read first this short story for the first time, we could be annoyed because this story is strange, slightly irrational and it is suspenseful! Besides, we don't know exactly what's happened to Anna. Where did she go? Did she join her fiancé whose name is Vladimir? Was she really followed by a demon? Did she have a lover? So many questions we could not resolve... but when wo look closer - or rather, when we read closer - this short story can be interesting, indeed; it informs us about customs in the 19th century. For instance, in those times, to have a son in America was considered a blight in a Jewish family, similar to having a convert or a suicide, and the historical context is respected. In the situation of Ellis Island, the island in which slaves were sent when they arrived in New York's harbor, ...? Moreover, despite the fact that this story is irrational, it shows us the difficulties that people who come from another country can encounter when they arrive in a new country.

Specific corrections:
- Don't need "first of all" if another transitional phrase is in place- "when." You also have first later in the sentence, so it just gets confusing to read.
- "Slightly" sounds more professional than "a bit"
- Again, "a lot" is elementary. "Suspenseful" sounds much better than "a lot of suspense."
- "Had she a lover?" Very Old English. Depending on the effect you want it to have on the reader, it could work, but since you're just being introduced to English, I'm pretty sure its a mistake. "Did she have a lover?" is more correct in modern society.
- No capital "b" on "but"; either make it a new sentance (no ...'s) or don't have a capital.
- "Interesant" = not an English word. "Interesting" is better.
- Sentence would make more sense with some changed punctuation; "interesting, indeed" (correct) vs. "interesting: indeed,"
- Run-on sentence. "century. For" (correct) vs. "century: for"
- Again, "like" is elementary, "such as" sounds better
- We already know that this paragraph is a complilation of your own ideas, so "I think" in the middle of the piece isn't needed.
- When talking about Ellis Island, you didn't finish your thought. I re-constructed that sentence for you, to make it clearer, but since you didn't finish your thought, the sentence isn't finished. What was the thought you were trying to convey about Ellis Island?
- Again, revamped the last sentence to make it clearer.

You had great ideas, and you expressed them in English very well, you just needed some advice that only a fluent English-speaker could give. Good luck with your essay!

Answer 3

No. It isn't right. Ellis Island was the landing place for legal immigrants coming into America. Slaves were landed at Norfolk, Virginia; Moorehead City, North Carolina; Charleston, South Carolina and Savannah, Georgia. Also change the French "interesant" to the English "interesting".
Otherwise, tres bien!