So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for sometime. It's getting to the point where it's get married or break up. Well, I want to get married. The other night, my boyfriend kind of did a fake proposal. I had left my right hand ring on the bathroom counter after I was done washing my hands. I completely forgot.
Well, he came into the living room, sat next to me, took my hand and said "Will you Marry Me?". It was in a light hearted manner, so it was not the real thing. He was testing me. However, I feel like my reaction blew the whole opening for a very important and much needed conversation.
I'd been waiting for him to bring this up for a few months now, then he finally did and I froze. I was just really tired from starting a new job and I was completely caught off guard. I know my face had some sort of express on it, b/c I froze for a few seconds. Then I said,
2007-10-08 04:26:17 · 11 answers · asked by Je Adore 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"ha, very funny."
He said, "your so cruel and I left it at that."
I had a million other things in my head that I WANTED to say. I just froze in the moment.
Did I blow this whole conversation or is there hope for it? I didn't mean to. I just froze b/c I was so could off guard.
2007-10-08 04:27:38 · update #1
I also was at the point where I thought he was never going to bring it up and that I was going to have to start the conversation. So, like I said, I was off guard when he finally did.
BTW, we DON'T live together either.
2007-10-08 04:28:39 · update #2
I'm worried that he believes I don't have any interest in marrying him. He's such an emotional (in a good way, not negative) man, that this must have taken him a lot of courage. I feel like I shot him done and now he might not want to bring it up again.
2007-10-08 04:33:49 · update #3
Sounds to me like you don't know yourself if you want to get married to him or not. He probably is a little hurt by your reaction. I think the whole "get married or break up" plan is dumb. If you love somebody, it doesn't matter if you're married, dating, engaged, or anything else, as long as you are with that person. My wife and I were together for 5 years before getting married, which was longer than some people but we were happy. We were happy years ago when we were dating, and we're happy now that we're married.
I think your reaction said it all. You clearly are not ready or wanting to get married to this man. If you are even entertaining the idea of breaking up in lieu of marriage, you sure as hell shouldn't be making a life-time committment to him. What's next, it's either kids or divorce? It's either buy a house or divorce?
2007-10-08 04:37:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you are not honest with each other now, there's no point in getting married!
You should be able to talk to him about it.
If you can't communicate with each other on simple matters, how do you expect to deal with difficult issues?
Communication is the key of a successful relationship, should it be marriage, living together or dating.
Besides, why make such a fuss about getting married if one of the partner is not ready? For goodness sake, why put the pressure on someone to put a ring on your finger?
Isn't that more important that you two know that you are doing the right thing; That you are both ready for it and want exactly the same thing?
Of course, I understand this desire of being made a respectable woman, but honestly, it starts by being honest and respectful of the desire of the one you love.
Dumping someone because they are not READY to make the big commitment is ridiculous, unless you have children together and it can make an impact on them should something happen to the guy and the children and you are left with nothing.
It's very practical, but it's true unfortunately.
Come one. Stop putting that ridiculous pressure on yourself and your boyfriend to have a ring on your finger.
I can't see how going out with someone else, or marrying someone else who'll gladly have you will make you happier if it's the other one you love.
Just give him time to accept that there are responsibilities he'll have to take and sacrifices he'll have to make once he says: I do.
So, it's better to be ready for that than wanting to do threesomes, or go with the lads to the pubs; Going on holiday on his own; or realizing that you two can't stand each other because, after all, you don't know each other that well!
2007-10-08 11:43:53 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you didn't "blow it" at all. People who are going to get married usually talk about marriage before the question gets asked. I think that if you really want to wake up next to him for the next 50 years and have his children and if you really think he is a responsible person who will make a good father and be a good provider then I think you can bring up the subject of marriage. Just think what would have happened if you had said "YES" overjoyed and then he said he was only kidding. Marriage is a life changing experience and one that shouldn't be entered into without serious consideration and conversation between the parties i.e. careers, how many children, life style, etc.
Good luck.
2007-10-08 11:36:02 · answer #3 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didnt blow the talk.... i did that as well and i am now married to him..... I think its a natural reaction when its not the real proposal. Just tell him that you want to talk to him about it, and tell him that you are ready to marry him. But that you want a real proposal and not a joking proposal. Tell him that when he is ready to be engaged that he needs to make sure its in a serious manner... and not using one of your rings that you already have
2007-10-08 11:34:22 · answer #4 · answered by crazyworld 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression the other night - your question caught me of guard, even though you were playing around. I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea."
2007-10-08 12:00:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you blew it big time. Your excuses are just that, you think he is going to ask you again when you gave him a blank stare and that answer. When I talked with my GF about marriage and said would you marry me if I asked, she said yes immediately and also said when ever you are ready.
2007-10-08 11:56:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wasn't proposing apparently. If he really loves you and believes you to be his life partner then this little incident isn't going to hinder that. If he uses it, then he's not the guy and you are better off moving on.
2007-10-08 11:30:51 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be married to him, you should at least be comfortable enough to talk to him about what happened. Why not ask him what his thoughts are about the future? If you can't even talk to him about this, then your relationship needs more work.
2007-10-08 11:35:38 · answer #8 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't read too much into this "Talk", sweetie ...... If you guys are going to be together, ... there'll be many times when the message does or doesn't get across.. You are both human, .. so relax and let it go. He'll get around to it.
2007-10-08 11:32:23 · answer #9 · answered by Raptor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can salvage it, just don't make excuses. Tell him the truth about how you have been thinking about how to approach the subject with him and it just amazed you when he did it first.
2007-10-08 11:32:09 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋