im 20 and I had a miscarriage?

Question

it was an unplanned pregnancy. everyone told me to get an abortion but i said no. i started making baby lists of what i needed and looking at 2 bedroom apartments and saving money. its only been 5 weeks and i miscarried.

everyone that i've told is all.. "wow, that must be a relief" and "its ok, you didnt want it anyway"... but just because it was unplanned, doesnt mean he or she was unwanted. just because he or she was only 5 weeks after conception doesnt mean the idea wasnt real to me. i was in love. and nobody is letting me grieve because i should be happy about it according to them.

im just so torn up. why did god decide that my baby is better off dead than with me? what does that say abot me?

Answer 1

it's true what you say and i'm sorry for your loss... my prayer's be w/ you and do find someone friend or professional to help you along the way...

Answer 2

It's not that god thought your baby was better off dead....

I myself misscarried at 21 (back in march) and I know how hard it was. I was only 8 1/2 weeks. It was also unplanned. and Yes I was scared even thought I was about to get married in a few months. My doctor told me the most common reason that you have a MC is because something wasn't developing correctly and our body thinks it best to let it go. He also said that if the pregnancy were to continue, it would most likely be a very unhealthy baby.

I know what you mean about feeling torn up. I still do sometimes to this day and it has been 7 months. I just like to think that My husband and I have a little angel up in heaven that is watching down un us. It's a part of our life that will never be forgotten. and someday when we get pregnant again I hope that little angel will watch over our next baby.

Please feel free to e-mail me. Keep in touch. I am willing talk and or listen. [e-mail]

Answer 3

Sweetheart, I suggest that you tell your friends that their words are really hurting you right now and that you really need their support more then anything.

I couldn't imagine what it's like to lose a child, to miscarry like that, and you have my greatest sympathy. Unfortunately these things happen for one reason or another, but you are a young woman and will have many chances in the future to make another baby. Have you spoken to a Dr about why this miscarriage happened? He or she can tell you if you are susceptible to losing pregnancies and what things you can do to prevent this again in the future.

As far as God....This wasn't a test, God wasn't punishing you, God didn't decide that you weren't deserving of a child. It just happened that you lost your pregnancy. Time heals all wounds, you will probably always look back at this and feel sadness, but then you will look at your accomplishments and know that the other things that you have done and acheived have made it all worth while.

If when you tell your friends that you truly wanted this child and to stop treating you like a baby who didn't know her own mind, and they continue to treat you as such, you need to consider who you are allowing to be called your friend. A friendship is something that is earned by each person in the relationship, and if your 'friends' are going to not earn your love and respect then you are best saving it for those who will deserve it.

Good luck, hun. I know that things will start looking better after a period of time.

Answer 4

That baby is not better off dead than without you .
Gods are children's miracles and everything happens for a reason.

& my baby was unplanned, too .
But if anyone would have said that about my baby I would flip.
I am so sorry this happened to you .

And I know you were inlove, without even feeling it , it was your's.
It was something you could actually call your's.
And love until you die.

And Hun grieve, holding back tears and such isn't going to make you get over it any faster.
When they say something to you ask them " you put your feet in my shoes, and tell me, you wouldn't be sad about it"



Try again .
It won't hurt.


Again I am sorry
and I do feel your pain .

Answer 5

Tana L,
First of all I want to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. I am also 20 years old and had a miscarriage just recently. It was too unplanned and I know exactly what you mean when you say you were in love and it was real. Its like something that was supposed to be a part of you is gone, yet you can't put a name to it.

I first of all suggest that you see someone. If you are in college there is always someone with your school, and if not, there are plenty of places that are at little or no cost to you near you or even hot-lines. Lack of someone to talk to is something that will never happen. If you need help finding one, contact me and I would be more than glad to help.

Now on to my own advice. A miscarriage is just the way your body says it just wouldn't work... physically. Something about your body just wasn't going to be able to handle the journey. Something about your body just wasn't going to allow you to have a healthy pregnancy
God works in mysterious ways and sometimes we just have to let the big guy upstairs take the reins. I don't think God is saying that it was better dead than with you. I do think however think he may be giving you a sign. Maybe for you to think about it. Would this be the most opportune time to have a baby? Probably not. You still have much to do and much to see before having a baby, that way one day you can use that towards raising a child. Can you financially support a child? Again, probably not. Nothing comes cheap, and the expenses never stop coming.

But all of that is ok. You need to look at the situation in a different light. I don't mean for you to say,"Great! What a relief!". My friends also said for me to be happy it was "taken care of". I refuse to ever have a child and to one day look into that child's face and in the back of my mind think about how I "wished for it to have been taken care of". I mean for you to think,"Maybe this just a sign. God has a bigger plan for me. One day I will have children, but this was just not the time he has planned for me.

I know that no matter what anyone tells you, it still hurts. It still feels like somethings missing and I'm sorry that you are going through this. One thing that a friend of mine told me to do that may help, and helped me, is to give it a name. You don't have to tell anyone, but just give it a name. It was something real to you, and giving it a name will give the concept and idea something easier to grasp than an empty feeling. I would then write a letter to he/she expressing anything that I want to say, but don't think anyone would understand. I buried my letter. To others it was never anything, but to me it was everything and I buried it just as it was something real to me.

When all is done, don't think of this as an ending, but as a new beginning. A beginning in which you have a new light to think of and will one day make you an amazing mother.

Answer 6

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you lost your baby. I had a miscarriage at ten weeks and I know how devastating that could be. People often say stupid things when tragedy strikes because they just don't know what to say. When someone says something like that just tell them the truth. You wanted that baby and you're very sad that you miscarried.

And, it doesn't say anything about you that the baby didn't make it. I have found since having my miscarriage that they are surprisingly common. It has nothing to do with the parents worth or lack thereof. I went on to have a beautiful baby girl later. So if God didn't want me to have a baby, I wouldn't have two kids now.

Answer 7

what people don't realize is that having a human life inside you is something so unique and you form emotional bonds with that being before you have even seen it. By deciding not to have an abortion in my view that is a great thing, you decided to give a person life. don't let other people stop you from grieving because that is a natural thing. Of course the baby is not better off without you, but things like this happen because we live in an imperfect world. god would not want to see you suffering and would not want to take a child away from you.

Answer 8

Dont worry about what other people say. I'm 20 years old and i just found out i lost my baby today. it is the worst feeling in the world... i'm confused because i lost my baby when they were only 7 weeks old, and i'm acting as if my baby was 7years old! unless someone has been in the same situation then they have no idea. they think that just because i lost the baby really early then it shouldn't affect me. i havent gotten through the first day yet, but the hardest thing is leaving the house and seeing pregnant women and babies EVERYWHERE!! and this is my 2nd miscarriage so i'm also scared that i can never have a baby... this is like the worst day of my life :(

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your loss. You have to know that it is not your fault that you miscarried. There is nothing wrong with you. I am sorry that you are hurting right now and it doesn't sound like you have anybody to turn to. It sounds like you were a proud and happy Mamma and you were very excited about having your baby. Sometimes things happen that we do not understand. You have to keep your faith right now. Everything that God does is for a reason. Sometimes terrible things like this happen and it leaves us stunned. As hard as it may be you have to keep going on. You will never forget your baby. You don't have to. Always keep him/her in your thoughts and your prayers. Your baby is in heaven now. God will bless you with another one when the time is right. You may need some counseling to get through this difficult time. Try to find a counselor in your area or call a help line. Sometimes there are numbers you can call to just talk to someone who cares and understands. I think that would help you so much right now. Good luck!

Answer 10

Keep in mind that about one in eight pregnancies end in miscarriage.

It is okay and natural to grieve. Although, look at the positives, maybe God is giving you more time to make your situation great for welcoming your future children.

He has a plan for you... obviously he wants you to do other things before you are a mother. I know its hard when you have a grieving heart but be content with God's love and plan for you. He truly knows what is best.

Take care.

Answer 11

Hey sweetie it's okay. I know that your baby wasn't planned but it was also a blessing in disguise. The Lord knows what you need and when you needn it. My best friend was pregnant and so excited. She planned for everything. But then one day she had a miscarriage. I told her that even though she probably was ready, God probably wanted to wait til a better time for her. I truly think the same for you. You sound like a great person. It's better know than later. The baby is in heaven right now and you should be blessed because the the next time you have one itll be planned and God won't take it away from you. I promise.