How do i get over my husbands affair?

Answer 1

Time and lots of talking and tlc from him.

Answer 2

Well, you have to try and understand why he did it. Alot of people don't cheat because they want to find someone else, but for the attention. You know how when you first date someone, everything is so new? They tell you how attractive you are all the time, and things like that. They flirt.

When you're in a relationship for a long time, that kind of dies out. Not saying that there is no love there, or that the love isn't meaningful, but a person still needs to feel desired, attractive.

He must understand that you are going to need some time to deal with this, and you must understand that he's really sorry.

It's hard to say if he will do it again or not. It's difficult not to bring up the cheating every chance you get, but that's just because it hurts so badly right now.

I could type and type and type on the subject, but it probably won't be much help. I don't know your exact situation.

How do you get over it? Couple's therapy. They will give you the tools to put this at rest, you'll be able to tell him how you feel, he'll tell you how he feels, and you can start to gain some peace.

Answer 3

You don't get over your husband's affair! If he had an affair, he ruined the marriage. Nothing is going to heal the wound. It might just get worse, because you're already having a hard time moving on and getting over it.

Well, you will never get over it. My opinion, you should have filed for divorce the second you found out about it, because that is not love and marriage needs love and respect. Good Luck

Answer 4

I just found out my 23 yr old hubby had an affair with a 17 yr old. -this is what I did to deal with it.... I got his passwords to all email accounts changed them (so he can't) and only allow him access when I am around. We have lunch together every day, He has to call me and tell me what he is doing, and I always have the option of "checking up" on him. We have talked and cried this to death (A must if you want to survive) make him write and send a letter to the girl telling her she was a mistake and that he wants and loves you ( You MUST be okay with the letter first) He is never to see or talk to her ever again. He must not end with an I love you to the other person, it must feel kind of cold so the other woman gets the picture. My sit. is a bit different..... I told her parents and the school she attends. I live in a small town and she had sent him an email saying she had pictures of my kids in her locker. I wanted and did make her and his life hell. Eventually I might be able to trust him again.... Same with you. Don't make a decision to stay or go yet. You might regret what you choose. Feel him out... See if he is ready to work on the marriage (Both of you seek individual counseling as well as marriage counseling) That is everything I am doing and it is working okay for me. Keep gettin' advice from people like this it is good..
Hope you find peace -Good Luck

Answer 5

You only have two options here. You can forgive him, work on your marriage and try to get through this. It won't be easy. If you do not feel (for whaever reason) that you can forgive him and get through it, you should end the marriage. It is a very personal situation and there is no shame in either of these options. However, the one thing you cannot do is stay, and then keep bringing it up and refusing to let it die. By doing so, your are making him miserable, which I suppose some people would like to do, but ultimately, you are also making yourself miserable and, at the end of the day, don't you deserve better than that? Best of luck!

Answer 6

I don't know. I am still trying to get over the affair that happened a little over a year ago. I think that I was so deeply hurt at the utter lack of respect that took place that it has been extremely hard for me to get back to the level of love and trust in our relationship that I had prior to it happening.

We argue way too much although it is less than it has been. There were emotions created in me, when I found out about it, that I did not even know were a part of me. To my credit, I was pregnant, but I got super sad and felt extremely unable to make a decision other than to forgive him because he asked me to and said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life making it up to me but I think he forgot the last part. Not that I expect anything extra, only the respect any partner would deserve.

I don't know if we will get too much further in this life together but I am still willing to, I am trying, I did fall deeply in love for awhile, I hope that I can be that way again and that he can be or is that way, still working on knowing how any of us feel anymore.

Probably didn't help, sorry, but good luck in life with this relationship stuff.....S

Answer 7

You can forgive him, but you will never forget it, Now think about whether you really want him, or whether it is only that you don't want anyone else to have him, from experience I know women fight for their man and win him back, only to find that he was not worth fighting for.

He has broken your trust and made you feel inferior by going with someone else.

Men like to run to the arms of another woman rather than sort out their problems on their own.

He is one of many that cheat, but if he is truly sorry and understands the extent of hurt he has inflicted on you, then together you can survive this crisis.

This is a true test of your feelings for each other. No one has the right answers, you have to do what is best for yourself.

You are obviously willing to try to make things work out between you, but it will be hard not to think about revenge or making him pay in a big way.

Don't tho blame yourself, he had the free will to say no, you didn't make him do it.

I hope you can overcome this trauma and find happiness together again if that is what you both want.

Answer 8

There really isn't an easy answer to this question. I think you need to decide whether or not you can truly forgive him. In order to do that, you need to figure out why he had the affair in the first place. I realize that there is never a good reason to cheat on your spouse, but in his mind, he justified his behavior with some excuse. What was it? Problems in his marriage, no sex from you, no attention from you, ego issues that needed fullfilling, etc.....?? I'm not blaming you, but I bet he is (or did). I don't believe that peole who are happy and in love with their spouses go out and cheat - usually! Something made him think that he was justified in doing this to you - have you asked him why he did it. Have you asked him what he needs to be happy? If not, you need to!!

You need to get into some counceling and work through these issues together. You can allow this affair to destroy your relationship, or you can be determined to make your marriage better. Neither choice makes you a weak person, you just have to decide what you can handle! BOTH of you have to be willing to work on it though!!!! You can't do it alone!

I wish you luck!!

Answer 9

I am big on Counselling. For you individually and as a couple
You both need to understand why and how to get over the pain and how to trust. You cannot do this alone. It is always best to use someone trained in these things. You are not the firt and probably won't be the last. I always believe that counselling with an objective person is the way to help yourself and each other.

Good luck

Answer 10

Depends you need to ask yourself the following is marriage worth saving and do you still love each other. My mum was crying on the phone to me due to my dad having a affair I think sometimes after a long marriage men hit a mid life crisis and sometimes are stupid and boost there ego by having a secret lover usually younger then there wife. The way to get over this is to start dating again and making sure you never take each other for granted again

Answer 11

well what you got here is one half that loves him and the other half that hates him and there going to be pulling you both ways all most all the time.

I wish there was a simple answer but it will take a while for your head to actually refocus and find out whether or not you can get over it, if you need to move on or not.

The best advice is simply to talk about your feelings all the time with however you trust, the more you talk about them the eaiser it is too deal - don't bottle them up or repress them as your only be making it harder on yourself and those around.

Its not just as easy as making a decision your going to need time, remember that and don't feel bad about that.

Good Luck!