TO ALL MARRIED PEOPLE: what have you learned?

Question

What have you learned in your years (or less) of marriage? What would you now change if you had the chance to? What would you never want to change? What kind of advice would you give young women about to get married? Please add how long you've been married and if you don't mind, your current age. Thank you so much!

Answer 1

I am a 45 year old man who has been married for 21 years. What I have learned in my years of marriage would require at least several weeks to write out and would fill a book. I shall attempt to summarize a few high points.

One question on which I must focus is this: What would you now change if you had the chance to? My answer to that is to inform you that you would do well to go into your marriage with the mindset that it is never too late to change. Always keep an open mind about ways to improve your relationship by improving yourself.

My main advice, however, would be to wait to marry until you know you are ready to be married, and so is this particular man. You will know you are ready when at least all of the following Top 10 are true:

1. You love each other.
2. You treat each other respectfully.
3. You are both honest.
4. You can communicate with each other without insults or violence.
5. You are both emotionally mature, which includes demonstrating responsible behavior.
6. You both understand and agree upon the degree of commitment that marriage entails.
7. You have already negotiated the deal breakers: number of children you'll have, how you'll work out finances, and whether your personal histories each contain nothing unacceptable to the other.
8. You share values.
9. Neither of you possesses any addictions.
10. You can both honestly say that if nothing about the other one ever changes, you could be happily married for life.

Answer 2

I have learned that some things are worth sacrificing for the relationship, but to never lose your identity for the sake of the marriage. A good marriage compliments both partners and teaches them both to grow and be better people.
There is little I would change, except for all the petty arguing in the early years. I suppose one could say that arguments are healthy because they teach both partners who the person is and what boundaries the other has.
I would say it is complete b******t when others say a person is too young or too old to marry. I have learned over the years that everyone truly is an individual, that is unfair to put people in a conformist box of your and society's own making, and that sometimes people do know what they want.
And wait a few years to have kids, because there are only a few things that will truly test a marriage: children,infidelity (trust) and serious illness, and you never know when any of them will creep up to scare the living s**t out of you.
31 years old, married for 10.

Answer 3

I am 27 years old and my husband is 29 We have been married 3 months.
It may seem like a short time, but we have both learned a lot. Never disrespect your spouse. that is first and formost. We have both learned that marriage is tuff, but the rewards are priceless.
I would never want to change the little smile he gets when he watches me dress in the morning or the way he whispers he loves me when he is asleep.
If I had a chance to change anything, it would be when we met. I wish I had met him years ago and had the chance to love him all that time.
My advice to you is always communicate. Don't believe people who tell you not to go to bed angry, because sometimes it happens and the light of a new day is the only thing that can change the dissagreement. learn not to sweat the small stuff and hang on to eachother for dear life.

Answer 4

Marriage is a lot of work, communication, honesty, and trust. Without any of those 4 things, a marriage can not work. I was married at 19 (I am now 32) and this year just got a divorce. If there is one thing I could change, it would have been him having less control over MY life. I was young..with a baby, and then had another child a couple years after we married. I was with the guy for almost 15 years......my advice is don't marry at a young age. Most of them dont work out, people grow up, and grow apart. Make sure you finish your education, or at least have a good job to support yourself first. Just incase anything were to happen, at least you would know, you could do it on your own.

Answer 5

I've been married 35 years.

My advice to young women about to get married, is don't jump in too soon. Date a long, long time. Preferably at least 2 years. Ask a lot of questions. Find out his values, interests and plans for the future. Tell him yours. What are his political views? His spiritual beliefs? How does he treat other people in general? Does he want children. Is he well educated and capable of supporting a wife and possible children? Does he want a partner in life, or is he controlling? Does he think he should only just have to work and come home and do nothing, while you are expected to do everything else? Does he drink or do drugs? Is he honest and reliable? Ask his friends and relatives about him too. Is he neat or messy? Organized or disorderly? Open minded or opinionated? Ask all these questions and any more that you can think of. You want to know him as well as possible, before you commit your entire life to him. You don't want to marry too soon and then find out what a big mistake you made by rushing into this life time commitment.

Realize what the wedding vows really mean, before you say them. For better or WORSE, is SICKNESS and in health, for richer or POORER until DEATH do you part.

Answer 6

I am 29, married 2x. First less then a year, 2nd only a year. I learned that the first time I got married, I was young and stupid because he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I should have stuck it out. The 2nd one I stuck it out too long with the wrong guy. He was mean and abusive. But I still learned one thing, you have to give up a small part of yourself in comprimising, and that marriage takes work, and unless you plan on divorcing every 5 years, expect you two to change and roll with it. If love is truly there, it should overcome everything. AND NEVER GET MARRIED FOR A CHILD!!! Needless to say, I am NOT looking to get married again - I'm not ready and I need to be okay with myself before I do.

Answer 7

How to be decent and polite with hubby, to get along with him !

I would opt to change myself again to be a youth, 10 years down the line and also my man to be equally youthful !

Get married to the right man of your choice and never look upon him as bad if at all he turns away a little, but love him with commitment to continue the family values!

12 years of marriage with 2 good sons and he being a great in heart and mind taking care of us, we are happy and enjoying the life!

I am 34, he is 35 and the sons 10 and 7 !

Answer 8

I have learned that the most important thing in a marriage is to TRUST EACH OTHER! You cant get along with anything if you dont simply trust each other. I think that is foundation to a great marriage. you need to trust their words, their heart, their mind, their choices and their emotions.

I have been married for almost 3 years and I am 27 and he is 31.

Answer 9

1) Pick and choose your battles. You can't win them all and you don't want to be considered the naggy ball and chain.
2) Listen to him completely before you interject. Otherwise he will think you're not getting the entire story and the discussion or disagreement will go on forever.
3) Consider his feelings in all matters.
4) Set aside time to be alone.
5) Keep planning things like vacations or outings. It gives him something to look forward to.
6) Be generous is all aspects. Especially in bed. Don't be insecure there.
7) Don't assume. Wait for the total picture.
8) When in doubt, ask. But don't question his character, ever!
9) Praise, praise, praise.
10) Never, ever show insecurity and never play games.
11) Never lie or lie by omition.
12) Compliment him daily and let him know he fulfills your needs. Men stray when they think they don't.
13) Be spontaneous. Every way you can.

Answer 10

I learned in the 10 years i have been married is take our relationship one hour at a time. things can stress us out and we dont want to take it out on each other . I would change the fact that i wish we had a better relationship with my inlaws but we dont and never will. put you and your husband first among all other family members, u and him are a new family and u have to make it for each other then for other people. my husband and i are 41yrs old. thank u for the question and have a good day...