What could my Husband possibly be thinking... or not.?

Question

My husband acts like a teenager lazing around his parents' house, or an untidy houseguest. Not like an adult, that's for sure. He never puts his dirty dishes IN the sink, but leaves them on the counter. He leaves his trash on the counter near the trash can but never IN the trash can. And when he opens a drawer he only half closes it. Who is supposed to close the damn drawer? ME? What is this man thinking? Or has the thought process simply stopped.

In answer to Penelope-- I did not observe him a lot before we married but I can say in all honesty that he changed dramatically after we married. So getting to know him prior would not have prepared me for the 180 degree turnaround. I think his mother must have done absolutely everything for him. But I understand--from him--that he was an out-of-control bully throughout his teen years. I think his family was scared of him. They are very mild people. And again, I did not k now this before marriage but I have had 16 years to regret my haste!

Answer 1

The thought process has stopped. Somewhere along the line you must have started picking up his slack and he has gotten used to it, so he doesn't even think about it now. He just does what he does. He's not thinking you have to throw away his trash, or put the dish in the sink, or close the drawer. He just does what he does and things magically happen around the house in spite of it.

Answer 2

It sounds like this man's mother probably did everything for him growing up and consequently he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. You need to sit down and have a talk with him. Let him know that you are his wife, not his mother or his maid, and that you would appreciate it if he could go the extra step of actually putting his dishes in the sink and throwing his trash away. It's very likely that he has never been taught that this is the proper way to do things.

Answer 3

Maybe he suffers from AADD? And gets his mind on something else before finishing what he is doing?
But my guess is its more than likely his way of not taking responsibility for anything.
If he doesn't put the dish in the sink then he can say that he isn't responsible for doing the dishes.
If he doesn't put trash in the trash can then why should he have to take out the trash.
I don't know about the drawer thing.
But it does sound like he's evading responsibility a little, and in a very childish way.

Answer 4

Do not tell me that you never noticed these charactor defects prior to marriage? Did you not notice that he lazed around his parents house while dating him? or notice his laziness at all during your courtship prior to getting hitched? This just amazes me that he was just fine while dating, and now that the thrill is gone, and reality has set in suddenly hes a pig! This is why I tell all my friends before they get married, get to know the person before you marry! Watch for things that might tick ya off like leaving his trash near the counter but not in the trash. This is the man you picked, and now its kinda late to change a man who,s flaws are un-fixable. Now if we were to go back in time, and could talk to his mommy things may be different, you see, this is what happens when parents dont raise their children proper. Somewhere in his childhood his mom most likely didnt set down rules and didnt show this boy how to be a man! All moms out their pay attention, dont baby your little boys, cause if you do, its gonna be their wives writing into Yahoo Answers , and asking, what do I do with my lazy husband? So my advise is simple, choose wisely, and marry a man not a little boy!

Answer 5

He isn't thinking. He's a man. They are wired differently, not to mention men have a different tolerance of clean and tidy than women do. His parents may have never minded his messes. Most men even when their parents try to instill certain behaviors, are messy by nature. They are conditioned to be strong. They go out every day and save the world at work and on the softball team. At home in their castle, they just want to be neanderthals and relax, sometimes. Let him. It's a pain, but your trying to teach an old dog a new trick or a new way to perform a trick will be misconstrued as nagging and he may become resentful. Praise him when he does remember the dishes and the trash. Men love to know when they please you. He is more apt to adopt certain behavior when he's praised.

Answer 6

It sounds like his mother didn't finish raising him. He is acting like a misogynistic teenager.

You need to retrain him to live like an adult...and the tricky part is not to come off like you're a b!tchy nag in the process.

You need to point out whenever he does one of his things...leaves the drawer open, forgets to put trash in the can, etc... and ask him to fix it. Of course when he does something right, reward him! a kiss, a hug, even a pat on the rear will work!

It the old "Carrot and Stick" routine, but works. Also, take him out to lunch, or dinner sometime, and have a mature discussion about household responsibilities and adult behavior.

Answer 7

See, these behaviors should have been established early in the relationship. In the beginning, you let these things slide, he's going to assume that you're OK with it. So, the next time he leaves without taking his dish to the sink, ask where the heck he thinks he's going. When he responds, lie on the couch to watch the game...You respond, I don't think so. "if you would be so kind as to bring your plate over, rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. And, while you're at it, please put your trash in the garbage. I would really appreciate it if you didn't make more of a mess for me...thanks, Dear."

Answer 8

there is greater to the tale then he's telling you. i've got have been given a similar call as my father aside from my center call. this is person-friendly tell him to print out a credit record and instruct his factor. the defense force investigates issues extremely properly and employing the persons, call, SSN, DOB. Now if his dad has a similar SSN and DOB then i could desire to work out the mixture up. yet they do no longer, so all that leaves is that he's accountable of what ever there asserting. the guy is obviously retaining something from you. i've got been in over a decade and comprehend for a fact the defense force won't make a stupid mistake like that. in any case that finished tale would not make any experience. heavily think of approximately each and every of the suggestions you decide on just to drag up someones credit record. The gov does that and so lots greater to be certain someones suggestions, and to be certain they're who they say they're. only my opinion.

Answer 9

Mine does the same thing..its because he is a mama's boy. His mom probably did everything for him and so he doesn't see the need to complete on of those..I have one of those..he will pile up his dishes, plates, trash on the counter top edge which is smack dab next to the counter top he is piling on. So what I did..when he was at work was throw away the trash can and hung a bag on the drawer that pulls out of that cabinet he piles on...He throws it in now...Something about actually HAVING TO LIFT THE LID..caused his brain to mailfunction and force him to stack on the counter top...Lifting the lid was too much effort.

Answer 10

that's funny, but seriously, why did you marry this guy in the first place?
and if he is not trying to get your attention, you must sit down w/ him and have an adult conversation. men are not about explaining themselves, but don't complain and be solution oriented... or better yet, make him come up w/ the solution