I am happily married and love my husband but I am not in love with him anymore.
In 10 years of marriage I have fallen in love with 2 other men when I wasn't looking for love outside my marriage.
I have always been faithful and I don't want it any other way.
I have been judged and got answers saying what should or should I not do but these are not the answers I am looking for.
I LOVE my husband and want to stop falling in love with men that are not him.
Is there a professional psychologic explanation for this?
I am married and want to be in love only with my husband and nobody else. Why can't I control my feelings?
Help!
Thank you.
2007-10-08 03:09:05 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's called being in lust! The fun of the chase, the grass being greener and all that.
Remember they probably snore, have skiddy undies and get tied up at work and fall asleep when they get home too. All the stuff that you're bored with is normal in time after the excitement of first lust. Maybe he also falls in lust occasionally but hasn't acted on it either.
You cannot control your feelings, these are emotional responses and beyond logical control, but you can and have controlled what you have done about them. I've done 26 years and I promise it really does get easier.
2007-10-08 09:42:44 · answer #1 · answered by Deb G 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not a professional, but you'll get no judgement from me. From what I read, you weren't looking and these two men came into your life. Based on my experience, these men provided something for you that was lacking in your current situation - if you can look at what the attraction was with these men, perhaps that is what is missing from your marriage.
Additionally, think back to 10 years ago - I'm assuming that there was a time that you were IN LOVe with your husband... what's changed?
Not sure if you have kids or not, but alot of marriages suffer because we get so wrapped up in life that we forget each other. Make an effort to rekindle the relationship fires you want with your husband. Plan Date nights where topics like work and kids are off limits. Plan weekend getaways where cell phones and computers are inaccessible. Surprise him with a candleight dinner and UNPLUG the TV. Whatever it takes, take control and force some romance back into your life. as time goes on, you won't be forcing it- it will be second nature. Make sure you compliment him often - he'll eventually be mimicing your actions without knowing it.
If that doesn't help, you may need to seek out a true professional, but I would like to commend you on your desire to make marriage work and wothwhile instead of throwing in the towel at the first sign of difficulty.
Hang in there... it's worth it!
2007-10-08 10:18:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like the every day stuff has got on top of you. You need to see your husband in that way again, basically you're all out of romance. What did you used to do togerther when you first fell in love? Do some of that again, and find new stuff to do too. Give him a chance to take care of you in a manly way, so you see him as different, more exciting. Basically break the mould and get some new stuff going on.
Very well done for staying faithful.
2007-10-08 11:09:07 · answer #3 · answered by Wonderwoman 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In order not to fall in love with other men, the solution is to fall in love with your husband. There are two primary reasons for not being in love with a spouse: 1) not spending enough quality time together (communicating, recreation, having sex, socializing, etc.), and 2) unforgiven resentments. The first one takes effort but pays great dividends. The second is difficult to address, but if you are unable to achieve a state of forgiveness and compromise, you won't be able to fall in love. You can control your feelings by actively choosing to form a better relationship with your husband.
2007-10-08 10:18:54 · answer #4 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think there are any professionals here. My personal non-professional opinion is that it is quite normal to develop feelings of love for people we aren't married to. You have said that you have always been faithful and want to stay that way. As long as you stick to that, there is no problem. It is silly to think that once we are married we will never meet another person with whom we feel a connection. We are human beings, not robots or machines. We don't just turn off our desire for connection with other people simply because we get married. The key is to realize those feelings for what they are and not act on them.
The danger is thinking that you are not in love with your husband anymore. When that happens you run the risk of actually acting on the feelings you think you have for other men. So it would seem to me that what you need to do is cut off all contact with other men and focus on rekindling the spark the two of you had when you got married. You need to find a way to fall in love with your husband again. And you can't do that if you are letting your mind, eye, and heart wander to other people.
2007-10-08 10:16:58 · answer #5 · answered by meagain 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Im sure you love your husband, you are just not in love with him, if you are not in love with him after 10 years than you probably wont be. Just try to enjoy the things you like about him, the reasons why you married him, that should spark something. As for these feelings for other men, maybe it was just a phase, if you loved someone its hard to love someone else and its hard to completely love somone without wanting to be intimate, so good for you for not cheating, but you should just be honest with yourself about why you are falling for others. Maybe they have something that your husband doesnt have and you are just attracted and not in love. ONly you know and there are reasons for everything. Good luck.
2007-10-08 10:18:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
For many of us, Being in Love really only happens at the beginning of a relationship and turns into Love, or Not....
Most of us miss the early stages of our relationship, Being in Love, so amazed and crazy about each other, having sex all night, those sort of things.
Sometimes Love is just not enough to tickle your fancy. There's not really anything new he can show you. You see those 'new' things in other guys and admire them.
Do you have any influence in getting your Love to 'Re-New' himself, to once again get your juices flowing, to make you Fall in Love with him again? Should he get himself a Motorcycle, grow a beard, shave his head, go mountain climbing? Find out what he needs to do to excite you and lead him in the proper direction.
2007-10-08 10:35:43 · answer #7 · answered by De-Activated Bad Profile 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You said, "I am happily married and love my husband but I am not in love with him anymore", and that is a self-contradicting sentence. It's English words with no meaning other than you trying to make it sound as if you care when you don't really care as evidenced by the fact that you "fell in love" (whatever that means--I don't think you know) with two other men.
How are we supposed to make you more interested in your husband? The time to think about that was before your interest in him dropped to such low levels or before you married the poor guy.
2007-10-08 10:17:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
yep... get professional help. You are looking for something. Something must be missing in your marriage to cause you to believe you are in love with others. I'd say it's not love but a crush or infatuation.
Get counselling. Dig deep and let your head get cracked open to figure yourself out.
Good luck
2007-10-08 10:30:19 · answer #9 · answered by teritaur 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A good mariage counselor can help understand better. You can go alone and get some professional help for you to understand you and your feelngs.
Are you truly in love with other men or just lusting to satisfy your sexual feelings?
2007-10-08 10:26:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋