me and my boyfriend hav been together for almost a year now, and basically with christmas soon coming up, i suggested to him we spend it as a couple with our families. i said to him we go see his family first then mine and then we both go back home together. but he doesn't want this he says if i loved him i'd spend it with just him, i've always spent xmas with my family as i believe family are important. he's met my family once he never makes an effort with them he just doesn't want to mix in it's like he just wants to keep me to himself. i really can't take it maybe he's not the person i thought he was. i don't know what to say to him, i love him but i don't want to have someone who don't want to make an effort with my family they have no problem with him what so ever just i think he doesn't want to get to know them. what do i do? can i overcome this with him?
2007-10-08 03:07:42 · 14 answers · asked by Amy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Youir family is part of you....he ought to accept that
If he make no effort now he is unlikely to change. Maybe YOU should change.....boyfriends!!
2007-10-08 08:40:34 · answer #1 · answered by alan h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the fact that your boyfriend wants to keep you to himself is worrying. It may be a sign of a possessive and controlling character which could escalate as time goes on into something more sinister. If he really loves you, and is a mature person, he would understand the importance of your family (and friends). No-one can be everything to another person, nor should they expect to be.
I wonder if your boyfriend has a poor relationship with his own family, and so fears being alone at christmas, or having a miserable time without you?
Think carefully about his behaviour in other situations. Does he try to keep you away from your friends for example? Does he resent your other interests which may exclude him? Do you spend time on your own sometimes? If he shows signs of possessiveness in this way, it is a serious warning sign. Whatever you do, don't allow your relationship with him to damage the relationship you have with your family. It is an important and precious thing to cherish. One day you may split up, and they will be there for you, likewise if you have problems and need support. I would sit down and talk honestly about this issue and how you feel about it. Christmas only comes once a year, surely your boyfriend can put his own feelings aside?
If he doesn't want to spend christmas with you and your family (or part of it) , go alone, and he can spend christmas alone with his.
2007-10-08 03:21:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take it he feels that seeing his family x mas day is a good idea? How about you say to him xmas day breakfast together, open your presents to each other, make it romantic. Then family in the afternoon and evening, and just you two alone again on boxing day? If he is just being romantic or he's insecure he should accept a compromise, if not then there is a more serious problem, like he's a control freak! Make him understand that your family are very important, and you want him to be part of your family as well as being your boy friend. The two cant be mutually exclusive. Good luck!
2007-10-08 03:28:54 · answer #3 · answered by Wonderwoman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked if there is any reason why he may not want you to spend time with HIS family? Maybe there are some skeletons in that closet that he doesn't want out! He is trying to control you though, for whatever reason. This is NOT a healthy relationship! I would tell him that you love him, and that if REALLY loved YOU, he would understand why you have to visit your family, with him, or without him! If he can't understand that, then maybe he would understand all of his things packed up and waiting for him at the door when he came home one day! Do NOT move farther into this relationship until you get this thing worked out! That would be a HUGE mistake! Ask him if there is any particular reason he doesn't want to visit your family...did somebody say something to hurt him...does he not LIKE somebody, etc. But try to get to the bottom of it! If it is just that he doesn't WANT to, then tell him to suck it up and get used to it, because you are going with or without him! Unfortunately, this could be an ultimatum to your entire relationship, so be prepared for that as well. You have to ask yourself, is HE more important to you than your family, because I can assure you, if you marry this guy, he will do everything he can to keep you from them! Think it over carefully! You can get another guy...you CAN'T get another family!
2007-10-08 03:29:25 · answer #4 · answered by Ken S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's going to have to learn to cope if you plan to continue this relationship. My husband and I still long to spend x-mas alone but we have to pack up the kids and spend x-mas eve day with one parent and then come home and get up x-mas day spend a couple hours alone as a family unit and go see the other set of parents. We have to rotate every year so noone feels left out, the kids don't even get to enjoy any presents until New years and we are so stressed it's not even funny. But he should be willing to compromise and at least visit. Does he feel he has to buy for everyone if you go visit? Maybe that's a cause for lack of interest. Does he intend for you to go see his? If so, fifty fifty girl. Good luck.
2007-10-08 03:15:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and explain to him that family is extremely important to you and that they are a part of who you are, and you are willing to go spend time with his family so why can't he have the same respect for your wishes?? And if he still puts up a fight about it after you and him have this conversation then make it clear that christmas is about family and that you are not going to buge on this one, but maybe you could do things his way next year. And take turns everyother year after that.
2007-10-08 03:18:47 · answer #6 · answered by mellamix10 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds suspiciously like a controlling relationship. Think to yourself for a minute...if you married this man...are you willing to not spend anymore holidays with your family? Because if this is the way he is acting now, even before you are married, then he will certainly keep you away from them then. Don't let this happen to you. There are so many women on here who are in abusive relationships, and most saw signs of it before it happened. It may not be physical, but verbal. Consider ending it with him...you are right, he is not the person you thougt he was. I'm sorry. :(
2007-10-08 03:15:12 · answer #7 · answered by *Almost ready* 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him make up your mind. Especially if you are not married. (There is plenty of time for that later) Let him know that you love him and that you are spending christmas with your family and that he is welcome to come along if he wants. If not, then tell him to go ahead with his family and you will meet up with him at such and such time to visit with him and his family.
He should be able to respect this. And if he doesnt , then that is a whole other question.
2007-10-08 03:19:26 · answer #8 · answered by krysmaslily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep ur routines. u already make his family priority than ur family. if he still won't share Christmas with ur family so you do not need to go to his family also. keep stay with your family. there are a lot of fish in the sea that you can bring home and love your family.once you lose your family there no others.
2007-10-08 05:24:37 · answer #9 · answered by glicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he isn't prepared to compromise with you on such a special day of the year, when IS he going to? He isn't considering your feelings at all. Can you talk this through with him? If he won't talk and is that stubborn I would ditch him. Your family are more important.
2007-10-08 03:14:16 · answer #10 · answered by magicvkw 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋