My boyf and I had a big discussion at the weekend. We have been together a year - I love him, he says he is not in love with me yet. As u can imagine I was very distressed by this. He has a few issues with the whole love things because of relationships past, and his parents' messy divorce. He says he is confident he will fall in love with me, but he doesn't feel it at the moment. I was so upset I admitted I may have to leave him because it is very painful to be with a man who doesn't love you back.
He has suddenly become the best boyf in the world - cooking an amazing dinner for me tonight, expensive wine. If he doesn't love why is he so scared of losing me? Am confused.
2007-10-08 02:59:44 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
To captain: Thanks for your words. You are exactly right - I would prefer a slow burning, long lasting love. Which deep down is my boyfriend's thinking I believe - he has had two failed engagements and declared love prematurely in the past. He says he wants to be 100pc sure with me. Best wishes x
2007-10-08 03:22:02 · update #1
No, you're not confused, you're a witness to his evolution taking place. He most likely already "loves" you, you're just seeing him coming to terms with the eventual acceptance of that terminology (which for whatever reason is scary to him...not at all uncommon.) It's dawning on him now which is why his behavior has suddenly become more attentive; just don't lose patience with him by getting hung up excessively on the verbage...in every way that matters he's there already. Actions speak far louder than words. (And for much longer)
P.S. The lady behind me suggests that she woud rather have someone who fell in love with her almost immediately; maybe she's right. But I'm of the opinion that the quicker you ignite, the quicker you burn out...like a shooting star that roars across the sky for a moment and then quickly fizzles away. I prefer a slow growing, gradually intensifying heat that magnifies consistently over time. It's in for the long term, and to me, that's ultimately more "fun". What do you think?
2007-10-08 03:10:55 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you say it first? It basically sounds like he has a fear of commitment. Given the information you gave about him it is a good chance. Now... you must find out why the other two engagements failed. Also don't rush him, but if he never wants to commit and eventually say "I love you" and get married then you might have to reconsider. For now let him show you what he is all about. You may really have nothing to worry about. *Everything should be slow- Love lasts longer that way-trust me!
2007-10-08 10:59:16 · answer #2 · answered by coca_cola.girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? You sound young. It sounds like he is scared of commitment. My advice is for you both to see other people. Especially if you are not living together. Do you really want to waste your time with someone who has to try to love you. I would rather spend my time trying to find someone who falls in love with you almost immediately. This would be more fun anyway. Life is short. How do you know you are not missing out on something better by being held down waiting for him to be ready. If it is meant to be it will be. If nothing else, when you start to see other people he will realize what he could be missing. Call your own shots.
2007-10-08 10:12:23 · answer #3 · answered by krysmaslily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my dear, It might be as simple as he is affraid of commitment. After watching his parents messy divorce. He may not want to relive that. This is the one I hope is not true, but he may see you as a meal ticket. Ask him why? And don't let him brush off the question. Demand an answer. This might show him that if doesn't answer your questions he may lose you forever. If truely wants to be with you he will answer. Good luck in your quest for love, and now I must get on with my own quest. Thanks and take care.
2007-10-08 10:16:44 · answer #4 · answered by Kaelis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because he might start realising he just may have all most lost the best thing thats ever happen to him but have to say cant blame him for wanting to make sure your the one cause love hurts but good luck hope he opens his eyes before its to late
2007-10-08 10:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by Annouyed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably loves you now if he suddenly doing amazing things he has never done before. I truly can't be sure but that might be it.
2007-10-08 10:03:28 · answer #6 · answered by random12345 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's controlling get out. he wants to be the one to leave that is why he is afraid of loosing you it's not you it's the control
GET OUT NOW!!!!!!
2007-10-08 10:03:24 · answer #7 · answered by rayhab 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋