How important is it to you (or was it to you) to wait until marriage to have a baby?

Question

When I first met my bf, he told me he didnt believe in marriage, although we have talked about the subject recently. Been together for three years. Now he really wants to have a baby and I don't want to have a baby without being married to him, even though I do want a baby now. Is this really old-fashioned thinking or just smart thinking?

Answer 1

Im a man and I know that if I could get all I wanted from a women without the ring Im getting away with murder. People always say the dont believe in marrage. Marrage isnt the Easter bunny. You get married for love and if things get fuzzy and unclear be an adult and talk it out. Dont bend for him if he wont bend for you. Why should you give in for love but not him?

Answer 2

If you and your bf agree that marriage is for the birds, than you guys could go ahead with the baby. BUT (a BIG but!), if you think marriage IS important, and he doesn't agree with you, then you will need to find someone who shares the same views as you!

The fact that you're on here asking this question leads me to think that you want to be married. I would feel the exact same way. My advice to you is to find someone else, even if it's hard to leave your current bf. I had to leave my bf of 8 years because he just wasn't going to marry me. Within a year I was back on my feet, planning my wedding with my soul mate. Three years later I have a four month old. I never look back. I'm happy right where I am now!!!!!

Good luck with the decisions that lay ahead of you!

Answer 3

I don't know yet! Since my parents and grandparents and bro & sis were all married first, I know that they expect that. However, I've been with my boyfriend/fiance for about 10 years and we have a very solid relationship... Now that I feel ready for a baby, I wish we'd already gotten married so that I'd feel free to have a child right away and tell my family how excited we are about this...moreso to please them than the stability thing... I don't feel like it's a huge difference whether the parents are married if they are in a long-term, committed relationship with a responsible person whom they can trust. As others will say, husbands and wives can leave, too, it's just more difficult, time-consuming and expensive.

Answer 4

Morally and legally you should be married. Legally he should want it. But that can depend on the state.
In GA - My neice could not be admitted into the hospital by her boyfriend because they were not married. He also had to sign over paternity rights in order for his name to be on the birth certificate. Now he has no legal rights concerning his daughter. The baby had a birth defect and was flown to another hospital - could not be admited with a name because of the certificate issue. It was a six week long mess! All because they weren't married. For him now - she can leave with the baby and is has no rights.

Get married - there are so many same sex couples that would love the right to do what we take for granted. It also tells the baby that you are commited to each other as a family.

Answer 5

My boyfriend wants to wait to have sex until we're married. I'm a very sexual person and that's been very hard for me. We perform oral sex, and i'm glad he likes it and that I get something too. But at the same time I'm like "ok, so we're doing something overtly sexual, why not just go the little bit extra and have sex". People put too much emphasis on sex, religious reasons or otherwise. What about if you get married and your husband turns out to be not sexually compatible with you at all? There are few quicker ways to ruin a marriage than a horrible sex life. If you really want to wait, wait until you're engaged before sleeping with anyone.

Answer 6

It was very important to me...18 years, 2 failed marriages, as well as 14 years of infertility and 2 years of infertility treatments later I realized that I was wrong. Single again, I got miraculously knocked up by a guy I was casually dating. All those years spent in a horrible marriage because I thought that I should be married to have a child. God had other plans.
Now I wouldn't advice being a single mother...because it isn't easy. But neither is being in an unhappy marriage.
And for the lady above me, marriage had nothing to do with the b/s you niece went through. I live in GA and I admitted myself to the hospital-THEY CAN NOT TURN AWAY ANYONE IN AN EMERGENCY! and NO ONE has to turn over rights unless you want to. The father must go down and sign to be on the certificate. Once a father does this he is legally bound to that child same as the mother. YOU MY DEAR...need to get your facts right.

Answer 7

I think its not old fashioned or anything, marriage is as vital relationship as are parents and siblings. The baby is a big responsibility and it should be after marriage in order to go along nature's plan. Ur kid will feel safer, NORMAL, and happier when will grow up knwoing his parents are and were married.

It will also naturally teach ur baby the right way to follow when he/she will grow up. Its like keeping values, good traditions intact.

If someone isn't willing or ready to marry u b4 babies then ask urself why is he doing that. Coz to me, it means one wants to be together but not as committed as is husband and want to leave door open if he gets sick of u for a quick exit.

Its not that husbands cant quit, but marriages are bonds which are stronger and usually a lot of thought and beloved ones are involved b4 taking such steps.

Its against religion and its against human nature....We are better then other animals , we are civilized, have manners, have rules and stuff.

I highly recommend u to go straight and right way which will be examplery for ur kids too in ur future. Ur baby deserve to be born to his parents who can show them thier wedding pics and engagement pics etc as normal routine. And not that , mum is holding 5 year old baby's hand with preggo belly in wedding attire.

Its not normal. If u have values, real vision of how family life should be then u will understand wt i am saying.

Answer 8

I don't think it's old-fashioned. Most of us want what is best for our children, and a happy, stable home is one of those things. Without securing the relationship, you may not feel that the situation is stable enough to bring a child into the house. If your BF is not ready for marriage, I suspect he is not ready to be a father.

This is coming from a new father btw. It is a tough adjustment, and I spent my early 20's thinking that this is what I wanted my whole life. I'm very happy I was married first, we were married even before she was pregnant. Many people do this for religious reasons, we did not. We only chose to do it because we shared a vision of our lives together and we chose to pursue that vision.

Good luck with your future, please think of what is best for the child, if you are not happy, how can you bring your child happiness.

Answer 9

If it is something you believe in than it's something that you should stand by. I personally don't think it is too important for me to be married first but I know many others that think it is. If you want to be married first than put your foot down and say what you want.

Answer 10

if it's important to you to be married before you have babies then that's what you should have.

why does your man want to have a baby and not be married??

these are very important things to discuss before you make any big moves - miscommunication is one of the biggest things that break up relationships and settling for less than breeds resentment.

if he loves you enough and respects you at all then he would be able to see how important it is for you to be married first. and if he's still adamant about his decision you may want to think about moving on.

good luck to you