I am worried about my step children.?

Question

I am afraid that if they come to live with my husband and I our lives our going to be turned upside down and I honestly don't know if I will be able to deal with them. They call my husband stupid, idiot, tell us both to shut up and that we are pissing them off. I don't approve of this language and lack of respect but my husband says nothing to them. Lately I have been. The worry here is that their mother works nights and weekends and the oldest (16) takes care of the other two, 14 and 10 as far as making sure they brush their teeth and take their medicine, they have developed asthma from poor diet. The oldest is in bed still at 9:00 her bus left at 7:15 because she didn't finish her homework over the weekend. She missed three days of school last week. Truant officers have been to their house in the past. I think we should persue custody for their sakes, however there is a part of me that wants selfishly to live in peace and keep my daughter away from them and their attitudes.

I just don't know what we should do. They don't do drugs, their grades are maintained, however they are not getting the basic things that they need. Manners, time with a parent etc...... I really am upset today because I feel something needs to be done, however selfishly I don't know if I can handle it. They have learned to hate me from their mother and this is going to be hard to face on a daily basis.

Answer 1

I dont care WHAT the situation...NO ONE is going to be in my home disrespecting me and if your hubby doesnt have the balls or back boen to put his kids in place YOU BETTER or they will have to continue to have their issues OUTSIDE of the home you have made for your child. If yout ake them in let them know that disrespect will NOT be tolerated and if your hubby doesnt back you- then he needs to take custody of them in HIS own home separate from the home you and he has together.

Answer 2

Honestly, if they hate you the way you say they do, they may not even want to live with you. As you say their basic needs are taken care of, so no court is going to step in and take them without cause (it's harder to get custody than you may think). Even if you do get them, they would resent the hell out of you and they wouldn't learn anything anyway. The fact that your husband has never corrected them either would just show cause that they would be no better off at your house either. The time to step in would have been when they were young. . At this point, they are who they are. They may come around as they get older. I know I was a bit of a terror when I was young and I straightened out. I missed so much school (31 days or more I skipped an entire week sometimes. I barely graduated high school) I'm surprised I didn't have the truancy police at my house. But I'm 32 now, with kids of my own. I am also going to school myself to better myself (I'm a stay at home mom, with a successful marriage, but now that my youngest is in school, I wanted to do something for me).

Answer 3

It may well be that they resent that their father left them in the situation with their mother and so they are taking it out on everyone else. You may find that it takes a little time but as you provide a more stable life for them, that they settle down and appreciate you and their father more. He should speak to them about that before simply trying to get custody because it could turn into a fight over the children and that might damage them even more than they are now emotionally. I hope it all works out for the best for you.

Answer 4

Listen, first children disrupt your lives even if they are the most well-mannered gentle souls on the face of the earth.

That's just a fact of life.

And it's o.k. to feel the way you do. You married their father, not their problems.

That being said, you have to decide (by you I mean the BOTH of you) if seeing them grow up safe and happy and a productive member of society is worth the cost of going through times when you'd like to strangle them.

I go through those times every time I have visitation. My girls are slobs. And in my house they are not allowed that luxury. I am their father, not their butler.

They also don't get to wear low-cut blouses or halter tops or shorts up the crack of their butt.

They echo their mother's opinion that I am trying to control them to which I answer "You're damn right. So when you're 18 and alive and healthy, you can tell me to kiss off. But, until then, it's my job to make sure you GET to 18 and be ready to be an adult.".

Answer 5

Wow, you need to set a court date immediately. Step or biological- when you married their father they became your children too and it is now the responsibility of all 3 of their parents to do the right thing for them. It may be a burden on you for a short while but eventually it will work out and they will calm down- provided they have the right guidance from you and your husband. These kids need help- they didn't ask to be brought into this situation.

Answer 6

Children don't get asthma from poor diets. No one knows what causes the disease.

The children don't like you, because they most likely feel you helped to break up their family. You are the other woman.

If your husband already allows them to disrespect him, do you think he will just change over and start being a dad just because they move in with you? I think not. I think the children have lost all respect for him, because he has left their mother and them. He feels guilty so he doesn't make them behave. I think it would be very unwise on your part to invite them to live with you.

These are the problems that come with divorce and mixed families. Children suffer the most. His kids should have some kind of counseling for kids from divorced families.

Answer 7

Regardless of how the children feel about you and their father,it's important to do what's best for them.They will be a total pain for a while,but they will come around My fiance's 5-yr-old is growing up in such a household.We're going to file for custody after the wedding.Kids deserve so much better than what they get sometimes.

Answer 8

They may not like it, but if you think it's best for them then go for custody. You will likely not get it, it is difficult unless you can prove neglect... but you have to think of what is best for his kids because they are his kids.... despite how you feel.

And as for the asthma.. you don't get asthma from a poor diet.... kids either have it or they don't. In some cases it shows up when they are younger, in other cases when they are older... but what they eat didn't give it to them. They already had it and for whatever reason it is showing itself now. I know..... my son has asthma and was diagnosed with it at age 3 and didn't even have an asthma attack until he was 12.

Answer 9

Your husband is not a father if he allows them to treat him with disrespect. They will turn on you as the wicked step mother. If you had them full time it would be a tad late to turn them around. Unless you see one of them with some potential I wouldn't do it. Your life will be a living hell once you gain custody, the oldest will be the worse.

Answer 10

personally speaking: they would not be allowed in my house to live- visit- sure..live , never.
I would not make myself miserable- or my child for that matter. I am the type of person that likes to have a happy life...this to me- would be a stressful life!
i'd leave them with mom - look at those ages- I don't see them changing - especially 3 of them- they start acting like each other- if you fix one- there are 2 more to go that won't change.

definately NOT something I could do- call me selfish if you want - but, I wouldn't call it selfish if i am looking out for my children.

It would be one thing if you raised the children- another thing if the children are those ages.

Answer 11

You are sweet person to feel this compassionate towards these children..Keep addressing it to their father suggest having a family meeting..perhaps famiy therapy? Handle the outcome whether all or one participate it is a sign that opens the others eyes and heart for the others to join. Don't lose sight of your flesh and blood..do it together remind her that she is your #1. Continue to handle it day by day..It will get better and if not always remember you did and still are giving it your best shot..regardless how it is interpret..No one loses sight of all good deeds..no matter who what or where. Good luck to you...P.S. Prayers do help..