Hey! i made a sonnet, could anybody here take a look and comment?

Question

It was late December when I met you
I was just passing by when you said "hi!"
Since then we became friends and stick like glue
How i've hoped my dear, you'd never say bye

But just like any fairy love story
One must make a sacrifice and feel pain
Everything we've been through is history
Help me! These teardrops are falling like rain

Days went on and I'm still waiting for you
One day you came and made life so happy
Then next thing i knew you struck me like flu
I'm all yours, please say that you're mine baby

Oh my love let's forget about the past
'Cause I know this love would forever last

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thank you and comments are appreciated.. =)

so what word can i replace "baby" to rhyme more in happy?? :)

can i really do that? wow.. thanks..! :D

so yeah i'm going to take your advices.. xD

Days went on and I'm still waiting for you
One day you came and made life so happy
Then next thing i knew you struck me like flu
Never leave me again, i need you badly

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there.. better? :D

errr.. the last line should be

Don't leave me again, i need you badly

wow.. im so into this.. xD

Answer 1

You have a pretty good Shakespearean sonnet there. I've tried to write sonnets before, and they are wickedly hard!! D: Any sonnet must be a personal achievement!

But, one comment I have is about the stresses of the syllables, which seem misplaced:
"It WAS late DEcemBER when I met YOU"

You could move the word structure around in poetry:
"It WAS deCEMber LATE when I met YOU"
or something. This is called "inversion", which helps to keep the general meter of the poem.

Again, great effort and good luck with any future sonnets!

Answer 2

Clippity clop, I could drop your poem sounds like me I've said enough? I should stop but 10 more lines must free Is this short, to the point or long winded crap? when I have finished this joint my face you'll want to slap Clippety hip hop -- STOP no more in this vein puked the metered horse has dropped And died from being spooked. Clippety Cloppety wends At last the damn thing ends

Answer 3

I like the sentiment of the poem.

You've got the number of syllables down, and the structure of the poem. However, a sonnet is generally written in iambic pentameter. That means that not only does the line have ten syllables, but it's five sets of two syllables, with the emphasis being on the second syllable...it should go something like this:

Da-DAH, da-DAH, da-DAH, da-DAH, da-DAH.

Here's a good example:

We LOOK up-ON the RI-sing OF the SUN.
When you look at that sentence, you naturally emphasize the second syllable of each set of two syllables.

Let's look at a line from your sonnet:
"I'm all yours, please say that you're mine baby."
I'm ALL yours, PLEASE say THAT you're MINE, baBY.

We don't pronounce the word "baby" that way, we say "BAby", not "baBY."

I'm not trying to be overly critical here, but rather help you see so that when you're constructing future sonnets, you keep that in mind as well.

It's ok to OCCASIONALLY deviate from that -- even Shakespeare did at times, but generally they should follow the rules of iambic pentameter.

Have fun!

Answer 4

its good, but the meter needs improvement in some places

stanza 3's meter is bad, and baby doesnt rhyme with happy

Answer 5

I liked you sonnet ; it sounded really good.

Answer 6

It's beautiful! I love it!

Answer 7

i enjoyed your sonnet, too bad it is too true

Answer 8

never leave me again, let me be your puppy

Answer 9

good work

Answer 10

nice one!!!!!!