What to do with my husband?

Question

He drinks everyday and on the weekends he drinks himself drunk, what can I do if he won't go to AA or read his book of how to stop? He has already lost his kids, you would think this was rock bottom for him. Plz help if you have anything to offer, even those that are mean can write here , it's better then nothing at all.

Just wanted to say that the kids are his form a previ. marriage there 17 and 13. OUR kids weren's taken.. Before anyone gets on my case about that just thought I would clear the air.

getting alot of feed back, just wanted to say that I did give him a harsh wake up call last night, I said that there was a reason he has lost everything else in his life and If he stayed this way he was gonna loose me to, I told him that I was sleeping alone in the spare room until he cleaned up and decided what he wanted in life, a can of Busch or a wife Then I did it LOL, didn't even wake him for work this am and he was late! I said see you would be lost without me ... He agreed and said AGAIN that he was gonna stop.. Where have I heard that before..???? But I can't shoot him down yet right , and as far as lilly saying that it's not my problem it's his... U must not be married or love the person ur with cause it sure is my problem he's my husband and the father of my kids...

NOONE lost there kids, I should have said that they don't want to come over and spend the weekends anymore cause they don't want to see him drinking his life away... They live with there mother and are fine just putting there feet down..

Answer 1

I would stick it to him like glue! Tell him that he needs to clean his act up or else....I wouldnt stick around with a guy who does that all the time. He needs to realize his kids need him and he needs to be with them too. Take care and best of luck.

Answer 2

OK he doesn't want to stop drinking because that is what he loves more than anything, obviously more than his kids and you, if he has lost his kids and it didn't faze him than he likes being a drunk. I know so well about having a parent that was a drunk my mother chose her booze over her kids. It was just 6 months before my mother died(other reasons than drinking)that she let us back into her life and I was 35 years old. Your husband needs to know what he is doing is wrong and his kids will resent him forever for that.
My husband used to drink like yours but before we got married I told him that I will not raise my kids with a man who chooses booze over a family and that my kids will not see the crap that I saw as a young girl. He had promised me that he would stay away from the hard stuff and he has but one time and I just about left him then.(kids are from previous marriage) and they were not here. It has made me not much of a drinker I do have a drink now and then and then on a rare occasion I will have more, but I refuse to become a drunk like my mother. He should be thinking of that because they say that your kids can become an alcoholic because of the parents. I don't beleave that because it is a persons choice to drink or not.
You need to do an intervention and get him some help before he looses everything, or Give him an ultimatum and leave it at that.
You can't help someone who does not want the help.
I wish you all the luck.
This is effecting your life too how do you want to live your life?

Answer 3

It sounds like you make threats but don't follow through - that's the worst thing you can do for an alcoholic because he'll see right through it and continue on his merry way of getting wasted every night.
You need to tell him alcohol has no place in your life, so if he continues to drink, HE has no place in your life. Then you need to be ready and willing to follow through with it, which you aren't right now. Ask him to leave the next time he gets drunk. Better yet, pack his stuff and have it sitting by the front door so he can take it with him when he leaves for work when he wakes up. HE has to realize he needs to change, and YOU have to realize that you can't make him, no matter how much you want to. The only thing you can do is stop enabling him.
I get it, you have kids. Do you really think it's okay for them to see him behaving this way? Get a grip woman, they need a good role model. A wake-up call is the only way they stand a chance at having a good relationship with him.
Take his name off the bank account, and give him a daily allowance that won't cover alcohol, but will cover lunches at work, etc. If you take away his ability to get alcohol, it'll be easier to stop.

Answer 4

A Busch Alcoholic? You mean that watery stuff they call beer?
Beer is healthy, I mean real beer, not the watery stuff they call beer. As far as letting himself go, it's probably not because of the beer. Reducing the amount of beer he drinks may deprive him of much needed rest and relaxation to cope with his real problems, whatever they may be..

As being part of my German background, I drink beer every evening after work, and start at around 2pm on the weekends, real beer.... Am I an alcoholic? No way. I fall asleep long before I'm considered drunk.

I believe that you just don't like people enjoying their daily brews, see it as something sick and evil, it bores you, even blame it for him losing contact to his kids.

As for the waking up thing, even without the beer, if he depends on you waking him up, he won't do it on his own.

Answer 5

If he's not willing to get help for his problem,it's best you cut your losses and seek a lawyer.I hope the 2 of you don't have any children together.If you decide to stay with him despite the fact that it's not in your best interests,I'd have a tubal ligation done.No child deserves a drunk for a father.He may turn violent on you one day and put you in the hospital also.How do you think your family and close friends would feel if something of that magnitude happened to you?Sometimes it's best to stop thinking about what you want to do and consider how your being in that situation affects others.

Answer 6

My dad was an alcoholic, and I know it is a tough spot for you to be in because my mom went through it. Your husband needs professional help, not a book. If he has already lost his children, I'm not sure what else will make him see the light. Unfortunately, alcoholism is a nasty disease that destroys your ability to make rational decisions. All I can tell you is that from my point of view, as the child of an alcoholic, as the years went by and I learned more about my dad and his disease, I was able to forgive him. I had a MUCH harder time forgiving my mother for staying with him and allowing him to destroy her life and ours.

I know it won't be easy, but you are going to have to get tough. It will probably take an ultimatum from you that either your husband gets into treatment or you are out the door. Set your guidelines and stick to them. You can't force a person to get the help they need, and you aren't responsible for their decisions. But you ARE responsible for taking charge of your own life. Don't fall into the trap of believing that you are a victim. Be strong for yourself and your kids. Be an example for them of what it means to break those chains and take charge of your life.

Answer 7

Some people won't ever stop drinking. You can't force him to stop drinking. But you can stop enabaling him. Which by the sounds of it you started to do. Which means don't wake him up in the mornings, make him sleep alone. It really doesn't matter if he reads the Big Book or not he needs to go to rehab first. If he is drinking that much he is going to need to detox.

Answer 8

You can't make him change until he's ready to change..I was with someone for 4 years. He broke my heart. He still drinks way too much, but he'll just say, "Yeah, I drink a lot, but I can handle it." He doesn't realize or care about what he's doing to himself, his family, our daughter or even what he did to our relationship.
Maybe an intervention will work...but from what I've seen in the past, he'll get mad and frustrated and go out and drink more.
Just PRAY that he doesn't hurt anyone else.

Answer 9

You can't help him unless he wants help.You can't force him.Maybe a reality check might wake him up.If you are sick of it maybe a little break might do you some good.Tell him you will leave if he doesn't get some kinda help,and leave if he doesn't.Thats what i mean by reality check.Maybe when he sees he's alone in life he might get a reason to want to stop,but if he knows you will stay and put up with it he's liable not to get the wants to get help.Give him a good enough reason on why he should get help.His kids might have gone,but there is one still willing to put up with it,and that is what he is thinking.

Answer 10

So sorry you are dealing with this. I know how hard it is to deal with an alcoholic as the alcohol is their lover and wife and family. Only he can stop and only when he is willing to do so. Believe the intervention idea is very good. Most alcoholics know they are one, so it is a vicious cycle of drinking to forget about it and then feeling horrible about the drinking and drinking to stop those feelings. My mom drank for years and it wasn't until her health was poor that it made her stop; only he can reach out for the help that is available to him.

Answer 11

You are enabling him to survive. Most people need to hit rock bottom before they "get it". I would suggest you find some Al-anon meetings to attend.

You need to leave and get yourself and your children out of this enviorment. You owe it to them.

I know this is difficult. You cannot change or control anyone else. You can only change yourself.

Please leave. Take you children and go stay with some family for a while.

Good Luck!